My father and my brother are childmolesters...

[Kat422]

My father went to prison when I was 12 years old for sexually molesting my older sister.  Much of my childhood I don't remember. I don't remember my father ever touch me, but the fact that he did it to my sister, and his sisters when he was younger leads me to believe that it most likely happened to me and possibly my brothers. What I do remember is my older brother (by five years) did sexually abuse me for many years.  My question is, if/when he decide to marry/have kids, what is my responsibility to his family?  I can't let this happen to another family, but what are my boundaries? When would be a good time to speak up?

[jml1986]

The time to speak up is when you are ready. I would guess by your post that your brother has not been charged with any sex offenses, and I find that sad. I would think that would be best if he had this behavior on public record so that if and when he gets married, his spouse is aware of this past behavior. But that would require you or one of your other siblings turning him in and if this is not what you are ready to do, then I think if he starts to date someone seriously, you need to let them know right up front what he did.

[Susy34]

My personal opinion is, if you do not tell you are as guilty of it as he is. You have a moral obligation to protect the future children in that male beings life!! I think you could do several things annoumiously... you can get a copy of the police reports or new paper clippings and mail them to his spouse!

Maybe some one that has a legal background can tell you how to not get into trouble.

[Ktz40]

This is a difficult situation to be in, and as easy as it is for others to say just " turn him in", its your responsibilty, but its so much harder then that isnt it. This is an indcrediably difficult & emotional move to make. I really dont have any good advice for you. I too suffered at the hands of many molesters, not one ever spent a day in jail..I know there were children before me & after me that possibly suffered the same abuse, but I honestly can say that I didnt even know this was called abuse till I was in my mid teens. But then it was all over with & I was way too withdawn, humilated & embarrassed to even begin to talk about it. I blamed myself I suppose like so many kids do. I did protect my handicapp sister form one of my molesters, I told my mom of the abuse just before I turned nineteen, two hours before I left home permanently, bags packed...it was the worse moment of my life. But one of my uncles was flying in to stay with them, my mom was gonna allow him to stay in my room with my handicapped sister. It was so hard for me to even tell her, the saddness she suffered just knowing her brothers were all pedifiles, but I told then only to protect one innocent. Yet I know so many others suffered ....how could I TELL...I couldnt. My mother once approached one of her brothers about the alleged abuse, he laughed and asked her if anyone ever touched her, when she said no, he laughed and say"  well thats good , I always had my eye on you ! " I could just throw up, but there were so many uncles, so many kids all involved in this circle of molestation, no one told then...not one of us, them.
I wish I could say I was strong enough, but I wasnt. Its unfair of anyone to tell you what is best for you, or what is right. No one knows unless theyve been there. Its easy to say what you would do if your on the outside looking in, but such a hard place to be when youre actually there. I too have lost alot of my childhood memories, better that way..trust me. Your brother too Im sure was molested. Boys tend to do what they have themseleves been through, I dont know why, but they do . So Im thinking the best thing you all can do is go into some sort of councilling..jail is for punishments...which he may derserve, but I bet he is also a victim. Good luck.

[jo929]

yes this is diffucult for you to decide what to do did you not have a mom or teacher that you could hvae confided in when you were young does your sister and you dicuss this get together and see what she thinks also no one can tell you what to do but do you want his kids or other little girls to go through what you did? that is the questioin>you should not have any feelimgs of shame it was not your fault and personally i think your father should have got more time for hurting his own daughter. dont thionk it is uncommon there is a lot of that going on and, sometime they wont speak up because they think people will think less of them or make tham feel they deserved it there are many resons but again this is just my comment, i really dont think they deserve any pity
they will just ruin someone elses life and they do need to be taught, that this behavior can hurt many many people also have you ever confronted him. I know that this will be your decision to make but can you be comfortable with just letting it go and turn away i know his girl freind probably wont beleive you i would find some way to tell her and also if you can get your sister to tell a few thing once a child molester always a child molester and it takes a strong person to stand up and speak out for our future children i say this as i have worked in the medicak feild 40 years and have seen this many many times and have seen what it can do to some people Please make the right decision i think it may releive a lot of your feelings you may have    i do wish you the best of luck   Ps when you dad gets out i would imagine he will be on the sex offenders list made public, i know they do this to all that have been molesters of children. also if you want to dicuss this just P.M.  me   jo