Severe Depression w/Anxiety

[skalamanga]

hi, im brandon. im 18 years old and a senior in high school. i started seeing my pyschologist  in early december of 2006. i got help as soon as i started feeling depressed. i have no idea as to what caused it, but things have become extremely different. over the past couple of years i didnt really talk to most of my friends as the feeling of depression got worse. i couldn't imagine HELL being any worse than the constant,feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and lonliness. not only this, i just couldnt focus in school and couldn't do anything right. back then, i had at least 20 panic attacks  every damn day. my last two years of high school pretty much sucked cause i almost failed english the second trimester, and the third trimester i failed algebra 2B and had to retake it next year. the last day of school i skipped public speaking class because i didnt wanna present in front of other people. looking back on all of my failures, i felt extremely ashamed of my high school experience. i found myself asking, why cant i just get through and enjoy my high school years like everyone else. by this point, you're probably thinking im being self-centered or selfish but all this, and more, is the absolute truth. anyway, i recently went to a psychiatrist and she prescribed 50mg of Zoloft. i was very keen to start the medication because i didnt wanna feel depressed anymore and i really thought it would work. the zoloft had its ups and downs. the side effects were kind of scary at first. a couple hours after i took the pill, my hands and legs started shaking alot. i had diarrea, a really bad headache, and felt extremely sleepy which really sucks cause i get up at 6am everydday for school. however, zoloft benefited me in a few ways. i didnt really feel anything after that point and i didnt really feel as depressed. currently, id say the depression is almost gone. after i took the pill for a few weeks, my feelings were completely numb. i didnt have anymore uncomforting thoughts or panic attacks, and i became more aware of the poeple around me. the biggest problem i discovered is that it doesn't do anything to help anxiety. i guess you could say it made it worse because i wasn't thinking of anything else but fear and i couldnt get my mind off of it. its like i let the anxiety do everything for me and i have no control over it. iv tried just about everything my doctor has told me to do. everyday, i thrust myself into social situations and always end up ******* it up or walking away. i cant stand the akwardness and unfamiliarity. whenever i have to work in a group or in a class, i get really nervous and i just dont know what to do or how to act. there's this girl in my class that i kind of wanna ask out, shes in my english class this trimester. we haven't talked in a couple years because iv just been so busy with myself and my own well-being trying to keep up. i dont want her to see me like this lonely guy who never talks. im pretty sure everyone else thinks this of me too. the problem is, i dont know how to talk to her or what to say. i get these really scary thoughts that im never going to get a girlfriend or be responsible enough to handle a relationship. i might just end up living alone so i can avoid the fear. im having a really hard time typing this knowing that other people will be reading it. but i need to tell somone else to get feedback on what i should do...i guess you could say im panicking for an answer. im thinking of increasing my zoloft dosage up to 100mg so maybe the fear would lessen and i could ask ashley out on a real date. i could feel comfortable again, like i used to. what should i do? any feeback would be great. thanks.  

[RockRose]

First,  she probably sees you as kind of an intriguing quiet guy,  not a scared lonely guy.

And I think you need to tell all this to your psychiatrist - and maybe get your meds changed.

Best wishes.

[slow_healer]

Re: enjoying high school. No one has a perfectly enjoyable time in high school (and the people who tell you that high school was the best time of their life are probably on another plane of existance with questionable merit). The majority of people come out of high school hating a lot of their experiences, and can't wait to move on to bigger and better things. You are not weird for feeling this way.

Most people focus on the things they like, maybe art class that day, soccer after school, that kind of thng. Trust me, they're having just as many frustrating experiences as you are. But to the world, they're hiding it and focussing on the good things in order to keep going.

Re: the girl. Try saying "hi". Seriously, it's the best pickup line and conversation starter out there.

Re: zoloft. Anti-depression drugs do more than take depression away - they numb ALL your feelings. So I don't think increasing your dosage is going to be the answer. Have you ever considered that the anxiety and fear you're feeling is perfectly normal? That it's not neccessarily something you need to medicate?

It's cool that you've been trying to force yourself to socialize, but maybe since you already know that groups make you uncomfortable, try socializing more one on one. Try with one or two good friends first, then gradually extend yourself. You don't have to become a social butterfly overnight. Just as it is with most people, learning to talk to people and manage friendships happens in little steps. Good luck!

[cindysin]

I also suffer from hopelessness, sadness, and lonliness...and i have a hard time, i feel for you sweetheart!!! I wish God made us all happy!!!

hugs

cindy

[eronski]

Hey I feel for ya - I am 43 now and I remember being your age like it was yesterday.  It was the most difficult time of my life.  I had the same issues as you, I suffered from bad anxiety which lead to daily panic attacks which then made me depressed and ultimately suicidal.  I ended up quitting school and then going back - it was a constant struggle.  It is painful to even think about.

You would think holding down a job and supporting yourself, having a relationship, getting married and ultimately having children would be some serious challenges - but for me they pale in comparison to my high school years.  I am so glad I didn't really hurt myself because I have had such a great, great time in the 25 years since I graduated.  High school is this weird universe and the second your graduate it dissipates and you will look back and think why did I worry so much etc.

Enough about me - so your depression seems to be better - that feels great I bet.  Sounds like you are still anxious though.  For many people Zoloft can be an "upper" so that could be causing it.  Since it can be an upper be careful with caffeine - I get anxious instantly when I get to much.  I take Zoloft and it can make me tired yet hyper at the same time - or at least it did at first, not so much anymore.  One person above said anxiety is pretty natural, I agree especially with the high school pressures and stress you are dealing with.    But I know when it gets out of hand it can make you miserable.

Keep hanging in there and remember these are some of your hardest years and you are almost done!!!  As far as the "asking her out" - try to say to yourself, "What's the worst that could happen, she says No?"  If she says no it won't kill ya - you just have to be prepared to shake it off.  When guys asked me out - I never thought bad of him, I was always very flattered, even if I wasn't interested in him.  Do you know what I mean?  You are paying her a wonderful compliment by asking and if she says yes Excellent and if she says No - you can stop worrying about it and move on

Also, try not to get down on yourself to hard, we are all trying to find our way at every age, we all have the same questions & fears and it can be a challenge, try to keep it in perspective and focus on the positive.  A great book to read is The Secret - it can be very helpful.  I wish I would have read it when I was in high school.  Good Luck to ya, hang in there!  Erin

[pleasehelpme88]

hi there :-)
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, i can TOTALLY RELATE!!
i was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression a couple of weeks ago.
the antdepressant i am taking is called 'effexor - XR' and it is SUPPOSED to be really good at treating anxiety too. i have only been taking it for a week and have also suffered similar side effects, but as they are lessening i am finding the anxiety isnt as bad. perhaps you could mention this medication to your doctor or discuss different options..
anyway i hope this helps. let me know how u get along!!
hugs
xx

[believe412]

hang in there, my daughter who is almost 15 is going thru exactly the
same thing. Do you know anyone else who is going thru this that you can talk to?
She does not know anyone with social anxiety and depression and feels very alone.
Your note struck me because sh has been living this for years and no medicine has helped yet.

About the girl, just make eye contact and smile for a few days and then use movies as a conversation starter, i'ts easy to keep a conversation going about movies.

[sick1968]

listen i feel for you becase i get both anxaity and panic attack and it really is a mental issue what i mean bt that (example)One day i was having a panic attack and i went to the emergecy room as soon as i got there i felt safe and my panic attack went away but when i left the emergecy room i dint feel safe.then every time i went to the department store i would get a panic attack the thearpist i saw diagnose me with a little of everything but there are not always right i know that there are things beside meds that can help the thing that work for me waswhen i start getting a panic attack i held on to something in the pom of my hand weather it was a cell ohone key piece of paper it used to help and it may seem weird but i use to wear sun glasses becase i felt like i was in a dark secured room.alot of thearpist say if you stop drinking caffine that also helps and i dont get as many as i did before but it takes mind control and for most it can be done as for me i got other issue besides the panic attack but you will be surprise how much at ease youll be with some of the things i told you also u cant let everything get to you becase it also brings the panic attack if something is bothering you just keep in mind things could be alot worse if it something you can resolve dont worry.when your about to get a panic attack if your in a car pulled over pulll seat back and do deep breathin for about five min or more if your home lay domn on your bed and do it there.Also try telling your self this is not real becase what is happening your not getting oxegen to your brain so it seems scary remember its not going to last forever just 5min or so it depends on you that what i was told once.just be greatful the all you have becase beside me having panic attack im always thinking i have a fatal illnes i think im going to get kill i have crazy thoughts i wash my hands at least 13 times a day i get obsease with things that have no meaning and sometimes i hate my life so i dont think you should feel down.As for the girl dont ask her out ask if she wants to go out for a bite to eat and on you date as time go by you will know if she likes you exchange numbers get to really know eachother then ask her out (just advice) so let me know how it goes