Confused, Depressed and Frustrated

[Shonna1234]

Hi,
I have a 41/2 year old son.  He recently started a special education preschool program.  Initially the IEP team thought this was a good idea considering he had never attended school before, and the baby of the family.  He has seventeen year old twin brothers. Since attending the preschool, I've heard few positive reports.  My son tantrums, he has a moderate speech delay, he screams when excited, he acts younger than his stated age, and he wants his way. I am tired of this public school system already.  They even suggested I consider Easter Seals (for kindergarten). I told them that would never happen.  I've worked their in the past, and I would not send my dog.  I don't believe my son is as terrible as the school claims.  I believe he has a behavior problem due to his speech delay, although the teacher and the aide claim they can understand him and he lets them know what he wants.  This is very depressing to me.  I cry all the time, and my baby always tells me not to cry and be happy.  I try to be strong around him, but it is very difficult.  The school district also stated he may be autistic. I understand it is a spectrum disorder, but I don't think he is autistic. My husband and I are going to have him evaluated, but can't he be just a late bloomer?

[ccrprvdr]

Evaluate.  You may be reassured that your child is not autistic, or after an eval your child will be able to get the supports he may need! The longer you wait, and the older he gets the more set in his routine he will get.  

Tantrums can be linked to speech delays when children have a higher receptive processing than expressive (they can not express themselves fully.)

Do not give in to his tantrums.  When he starts allow him to finish and tell him when he's ready to talk with you--you will be in the _____ (kitchen/bedroom/etc.)

Use visual cues and pictures so your child does not get frustrated when he can't express himself to the fullest.

[Shonna1234]

Thanks, I really do need to hear something positve.  I am just sad, I never thought in a million years I would be going through this with my child.  I pray their is nothing seriously wrong, becasue I don't know if I can handle it. I am even considering homeschooling.  I don't want my son's life miserable, in the public school system.  

[LRM1021]

I have been where you are -- crying because I feel so helpless to help my baby. I cried for a week straight once. I was constantly depressed. I got myself some help -- Prozac to be specific-- and within 10 days I stopped crying. Now, I can deal with the situation. I may still be very worried about my child and how he is doing, but I am taking care of myself, so I can take care of him. I encourage you to do whatever it is that you need to do so that you can do the same-- not saying meds are the answer for everyone, just saying that he needs you, and you gotta be ready.

An evaluation is a good idea, so that you know what will work best for your son. However, you mentioned the IEP team-- that leads me to believe he has already been evaluated somewhere. What was the previous diagnosis? Anything there?

One thing to consider-- he is still very young for school! Some kids are not ready until they are older. Its not uncommon in my area for parents to keep kids out of kindergarten until they are six! Let's say he is just a late bloomer -- then he should probably not be in school at this point. Do you have to send him to school? If not, since it seems like its not working, maybe you could pull him out?  Now let's say he does have some delays, and he does need more attention than the school system can provde at this point. Maybe the answer is still the same-- its not working, so don't send him?

On homeschooling, I have to tell you --- if I could afford to stay home, I would do it. My son has mild ADHD - nothing really major -- some behavior issues at school, but no meltdowns, or screaming, or fighting or anything like that. My husband thinks all children should go to school, because of the socialization aspect. But I personally don't agree. I think children who are homeschooled, especially if they have more specialized needs than the average every day kid, do quite well most of the time.