i need help with 13 yr. old son

[laurel94]

I don't know what to do. a few months ago I caught my son looking a porn on the computer, i stopped that immediatly. last night (i do this often) he accidently left his myspace up and i went in and read some of his mail, I was flabergasted. He was writing to a girl about what things he would do  and what would she do to him with very crude sexual terms, it made me sick. I couldn't sleep last night. we have an incredibly close relationship. i started talking to him in the 3rd grade about sex and gradualy over the yrs we have talked about sex and girls, std's, relationships, waiting, drugs, i mean we have a fantastic relationship in fact i'm closer to him than my 9yr. old daughter, that's why i was so shocked when i read these things as he tells me how he want's to wait and stay a virgin until marriage, maybe he just tells me what i want to hear as he does not ever want to dissapoint me. He also gets straight a's and is in band.  
    Please can someone tell me what to do, i mean maybe he thinks thats what girls want as he does want a girlfriend, (he just broke up with one of 4 mo.) really bad. He has a slight weight issue but he is very cute possibly very insecure though i didn't think so as he has a lot of friends boy and girls.  
    What do i do???  It just made me sick, Please HELP

[phil]

Don't panic.  It's somewhat expected that a young boy would look at porn and explore his sexuality. The trick is to make sure that he's guided in the right direction and he has some room to maneuver.  He is growing up and is doing the same things that millions before him have done. As long as he is respectful of others and is not violent or a danger to himself, the only advice I would give you is to make the point that porn degrades women and that as he is growing up, to look for a strong and healthy and supportive relationship between him and his girlfriends/spouse, etc.
Regards
Phil (parent of a grown man now)