Not sure where to turn?

[Megs529]

Well I am hoping there could be someone out there with some advice because like my title I don't know where else to turn.  I am 24 years old and I have a 19 (almost 20) year old sister that for the past 6 years has put my whole family through complete hell.  It all started when she was 13 years old with her going out with friends drinking and doing drugs, which she never really hid from my parents she would actually flaunt it.  My parents never really acted on it and she never had any consequences to deal with for doing the things she was doing so it just escalated from there.  She would break things in my house, swear, hit all of us, threaten to kill herself.  DSS has been to my house on numerous occasions questioning my parents about abuse (she claimed they beat her).  She "accidentally" overdosed on an over the counter cold medicine with her friend and got put on suicide watch in the hospital, I say accidentally because that is what she convinced the appointed psychiatrist had happened.  Speaking of psychiatrists she has been to about 8 and she wants to go to them, but never talks to them.  She has been in a rehab because she came home one day after being out all night saying that she had just done drugs and that she needed help, when my parents did all they could to get her help she didn't want it anymore and manipulated the people there to let her out.  She has had numerous driving violations, possession of drugs, alcohol, speeding.  She just recently tried to commit suicide by throwing about 20 pills in her mouth in front of my parents and I after me and my mother picked her up on the side of the road when the police called my house and she has crashed her car into a curb and was drunk, the policeman let her go (not sure why?).  After that episode she was taken to the ER by my parents and put into a drug and alcohol rehab for a total of 3 days before they let her go.  After a brief history of what my sister has put my family through the past 6 years I just want to know what can I do?  What can my parents do?  She has beaten us all down we do not know where to turn.  My parents are so tired from everything they have put them through yet they still love her more then themselves and would move the world for her.  And I know they are her parents they should, but the way she treats them is just unbelievable.  But it has come down to this, it has come down to me as her sister asking complete strangers for any help they might have because I do not want my sister to end up dead on the streets because that is where she is heading.  My parents have gotten her all the help she could want and has asked for and over the past 6 years nothing has changed and I don't believe it will unless she gets good, long treatment.  If anyone has any advice even the smallest thing please let me know I am desperate for anything.  I just want her to realize how good she has it and that she needs us even though she right now feels like we hate her and that she could care less if we were there or not.  Thank you for taking the time to read this (sorry it was so long).  Also thank you for any advice that you might have it means a lot to me that people do care.

[cathy5841]

i personally believe in tough love. she is not a child but a grown woman.  you must stop enabling her and hold her accountable for her actions.  give her an ultimatum get help or get lost.  as long as you allow her to abouse your relationships she will...all addicts do.  it is the nature of the beast (addiction)  keep in mind you can not force her to get help,  and you are responsible for what heppens to her anymore that you are responsible for her using.  she has to learn there are consiquences for every action.  some are good and some are bad.  good luck to you and tour family.

i am not telling you to do anything i have not done with my own addicted daughter

[flmagi]

Does she work? Who pays her rent? Her food? Where does she get money for drugs?
People need to stop enableing her and let her fall flat on her face. Its the only way shes gonna wake up.  Your family needs to say Get clean once and for all or all help stops. And you have to mean it and stick with it.

[flmagi]

And the family needs to get couseling with or without her. Narc-anon or whatever. The whole family needs to get help to learn how to cope with her.

[bigmama01]

first of all this sounds exactly like my sister she is 16 now and is much better so you might want to listen to the advise that i am giving to YOU! Well does she have money coming in on her own or do your parents and yourself give into giving her $$$$? If you guys are it HAS TO COME TO A STOP!!!!! let her know if she is hungry and needs clothes a place to stay a house to live in ect let her know that you guys will provide that for her that you guys will take her shopping and you guys have food in your fridge but that if she is gonna be living with you guys that she must have a certain time she HAS to come home and not be able to have a right to a car or to do whatever she wants because it sounds to me that she is craving ALOT of attention  and oh will she get it make her sit down at a time you guys can really talk like an intervention and let her know that this is ONLY for her own good she really needs to get the help you guys are trying to give her because it is causing you guys too much pain! That if she doesn't accept the help that you guys are cutting her off because she obviously doesn't care how it affects you guys. so that you are doing this cause you guys can't take her **** anymore t may be wrong i know thats what your probably thinking right now but just wait she'll come back to you guys cause she'll need some love sometime. but that's what really needs to be done here and if that doesn't work then i would consider an in home rehab one more time then you guys can really see how nice she could actually turn out but just try to talk to her as much possible that's what i would do with my sister and tell her how much she was hurting me! She has made me such a proud sister man you couldn't even imagine until your sister does the same for you and hopefully she does! my sister is on her way to graduate looking for a job too and has a good boyfriend that has a job and takes good care of her and gives her nothing but possitive words just let her know what she could have cause i also was in her same exact shoes!! that's one reason to trust me on this SERIOUSLY!!!!!! my husband is doing good in work and to me and has made me the happiest woman that i know so far your sister just needs a good idol and man! well i wish you the best of luck with your sister and i will pray for you two and your parents also cause what you guys deserve is a miracle so i could only wish you the best for now bye bye and let me know how all goes!!!!!

[feohmoon]

Sounds like you have received some good advice, I hope things work out well for you and your family.  We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Peace

[w_dawn]

Many years ago I was involved w/ an alcoholic and found my life getting all twisted because of their actions. I was becoming insane. So I went to Al-Anon, a group for family members of people in AA. They taught me how to live my life peacefully in the midst of great turmoil. One of the best things I ever did for my life.
See if NA has a family group. I'm sure that w/ all the potential rehab your sister has been to, NA has been suggested. Then go. Just walk in, sit down, and listen...and listen...and listen. It took me 3 months of weekly meetings to even start to understand how to take care of myself. But once I started to see, It made all the difference in the world. It is the only road to sanity I know of.

[ladyboop]

What I have read is all good... It is a tough thing. She is not going to stop until she is ready.. It is sad, But all you can do is be there for her when she hits her bottom.... And she will. Until then, It's tuff love.. I am having to do that with my 20 year old daughter.. Not drugs, But all the same, had to cut her off. It has been the hardest thing a mom can do.... Good luck with your sister...