Son with Cp has behavior issues..I need help

[donnajj]

My son has spastic cp. Due to prematurity he has many obsticles he has crossed. He still cannot walk independent,has a learning disorder, PVL grade 2/3 hemmorage.  He is very vocal, doesnt forget anything. But I am having issues with his behavior...If he doesnt get his way he will scream bloody murder, I have gotten to the point I dont want to take him in public. He has loud outbursts/ sometimes screaming/ crying/ until he gets his way. Trying to calm him down  doesnt work, one dr said he has Obsessive compulsive disorder. For example yesterday I took him to the Tennessee Aquarium/ I couldnt get my vehicle parked fast enough.He was screaming I want to go in now at the top of his voice, once in there he was screaming I want to look at the Lights, even looked at a small child and screamed loudly in this childs face, I want to now.He is age 9 1/2 and his fits are worse. I need help in keeping his behavior under control.I love my son, I need advice.I have tried time outs, dont work..  Took away his favorite things doesnt work. So what should I do? Keep him home? The outbursts are so embarrasing to me, and I need help.

[kodette]

Hi I'm not sure whether u r a born again believer in Christ, but my little girl has outbursts too and she is not yet speaking (almost 3 yrs) I can for the most part decipher whether its rude rebelling type behaviours and when she is frustrated because she cannot communicate her wants/needs.....but I spank her until she cries if she does not respond appropriately to me. I also let her know what it is I am spanking her for and I let her cry and associate pain with her tantrums and disobedience. I do this because I love her and it will benefit her in the end and me as a parent I have seen it worked. This too of course is biblical that we are not to spare the rod.....A lot of people do not understand spanking and think its not necessary but I know it works and if nothing else works I would give this a try and be consistent with it....its hard work but it comes with its rewards...Pay now or pay later.............God Bless

[Swampfoxer]

Bless your heart!  I know that your life isn't easy to begin with and this just pushes your heartstrings and buttons all at once.  While you would love to be able to rationalize your way out of these tantrums with him now, he's already learned what to do to get his way.

I use the reward and punishment in a different way.  I let the kids know in advance, as soon as there is the slightest indication of getting out of control the good stuff is over - even if we are on the way there or in the parking lot.  And I give them 1 warning to calm down and tell them what the consequences will be (ending the trip immediately) if they do not.  And then I follow through with it.  I don't beg, plead, and give chance after chance.   After the first couple of times of following through they cry about it and I turn up the music on the way home.  Once home, we discuss it.  I remind them that this is a consequence of their own making and the next time they will want to make a better choice.  I ask them what that choice would be.  Then we do something nice on a much smaller scale.  

If they still act up the next time out the consequences end up being staying at home without something nice.  Eventually they will learn to behave themselves in public because the reward is doing something wonderful!

Start with good behavior at home and shopping. Then let them know the reward for the good behavior will be to do something fun as long as the good behavior continues.  Let them learn to apologize for their bad behavior and encourage them to work on good behavior.  Making excuses because of a disability is equivilent to teaching them that it's ok to misbehave where ever they go and no matter what their age is.

[donnajj]

Thank you for your advice.Yesterday I took him to his neurologist and due to his brain damage they have changed his medicine. Yes I am doing the music thing, have been doing it for a while. I  also been working on the rewards , time outs, disipline.It is working somewhat.But when he  gets fixed on something It is diffult to get him calmed down.  Yesterday he acted up afted the dr visit.He wanted to go to the park, because he was good...so here we go...unfortunatally...there was not a place to park.So I told him we would come back later...only if he got quite and it would be his treat.... because I could not find a parking spot. He had a crying fit...screaming...fit...So I said Noway...you are screaming...crying...having a fit so guess what.... you are going home.. .. I turned up the radio took him home. When we got inside he said Momma I am sorry I threw a fit.Am I in a time out? Can I go to the park? I asked him ...Charlie what did I say...he said ...another day , because there was no place to park. I had a talk with him and he got over it. So we will see...and thanks the music does work great..at least for me....donna

[donnajj]

Thank you for your comments.I am a born again christian, and I am taking every day as it comes.I thank you for your advice. I will keep your advice to heart.Being a parent of a special needs child with many health issues is hard work and all children are diffrent.I have gone through so many challenges with my son, so many stages, so many hospital stays..so many ICU's. Prayer has kept me going, I know one day it will be better. But for now It is a great thing to have support from other moms and dads.I will try anything that wil work. Thank you & god bless...donna