Don't know how to deal with this situation??

[Annasmom327]

I was with my boyfriend for nine years and when I was seven months pregnant he dumped me. Now, I dont like to deal with him just as friends and as parents.  He acts like I should have no feelings about the situation and just accept being friends.  I am finding that very hard.  I went through so many emotions from being pregnant to being dumped to being a new single mom and I am having a hard time coping.  My daughter will be seven months soon so it has been a while.  He also is not as involved with my daughter as I would like.  I am to the point that I can accept him not being with me but I feel like he should treat our daughter better.  I still get angry and I have dreams of physically hurting him.  I know that is my subconcious mind because I would never really physically do anything to him but obviously in the back of my mind I keep thinking about.   Anyone have any suggestions on how I should deal with him/this situation?    Or is there anyone that has been in or is in a similar situation.  

[teko]

Having this guy as a boyfriend for nine years should have been a clue that marriage was not in the offering. Make sure that he takes responsibility for the child by providing medical coverage, support, and visitation. You have a lot on your plate that is for sure, and I can only imagine the hurt you are feeling. You did get a beautiful baby girl out of the jerk, but you desserve so much better. You need to realize that things happen for a reason and as hard as it is this guy is not your lifes soulmate.  He is still out there waiting to meet you. The longer you grieve for this creep, the longer it will be, before you meet the right guy. Lose him, he is not worth the few seconds that it takes for your mind to conjure up those images.

[Annasmom327]

Thanks for that reply.  I know that everything you said is right.  Sometimes you just need to hear it (or read it) from a third party.  I am trying my best everyday to maintain a positive outlook and I know that eventually I will look back and laugh at all of this.  

[mayflowers]

I think you are better off w/o your ex.  To leave your girlfriend when she is pregnant doesn't say much for his character.  He's got issues, issues that if I were you, would be better off not have to deal with.  Your main concern right now is your daughter and making sure that she is well taken care of.  Let your daughter be your reason for moving on with your life.  You need to be an example for her on how to overcome a situation when someone lets you down.  Lots of people have gone through break-ups where they were mistreated  by a person and they learn from it and find someone who is so much better for them.  

As teko said in her post, there is someone else out there is better for you than this guy was.  Make sure that he takes financial responsibility for his daughter but move on with your life.  One day, you will be happy he did this and I'll even bet he will be sorry he let you go.

Good luck.

[Annasmom327]

Thanks for the positive feedback.  I believe everything that you said is true.  My daughter and I are better off.  I am to the point where I can say I am over him but at the same time I greave for my daughter because she deserves so much better.  I know everything happens for a reason and I also believe that people are put into your life for a reason.  He was put in my life to be my daughters father and no matter what, if I had to go through it all over again just to have my daughter I would in a heartbeat.  

[mayflowers]

A lot of people deserve better fathers than what they were given, but that's life. It's more how you handle what this guy  has done that is going to make an impact on your daughter.  I am reminded of the saying "When one door closes, another door opens".  That's for you and this relationship.

He may even come around and want to be a good father to her.  Remind him that she is only going to be young once and he will really miss out on a lot that he will probably regret as she grow up.  As long as he's not some type of weirdo pervert,  let them have a chance to bond as father/daughter.  Don't get in the way of that relationship.  However, you need to feel ok with everything before he can start coming back into her life.  

You are lucky that at least you have your daughter.  That's a real gift.  I never had kids and for good reasons.  Now, as I get older though, there are times that I wish I had at least one. I am even thinking of adopting b/c I would like to make some positive impact on a persons life.  Isn't that what being a good parent is anyway - being a good role model to your kids?