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What do women really want?
by DLG5, Mar 28, 2008 09:52AM
Ok, This question has been asked since the beginning of time. Women, answer it please!
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
Think how much happier you will be if you are on your own where nobody can bother you!! Then, when you are ready, find a new lady that will love and adore you the way you deserve to be love and adored. Seriously, you sound so unhappy to me and nobody has to live this way anymore. I am telling you DLG, you CAN find happiness if you are willing to work for it.
Good luck.
On your number 4, a good answer would be um no, the dress looks fine it's your hips that make you look fat. Maybe she'd like that better? P.S. I never ask that either.
You need to find a better quality woman than the ones you've been hanging out with, DLG5.
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a good place to start - an even better place to start is "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" but your wife doesn't sound open to reading that.
Best wishes.
I want someone to do things with, to laugh at stupid jokes with, to sit outside on a nice evening over a cup of whatever and just ******** about nothing in particular. I want someone who on the spur of the moment on a 3 day weekend will get in the car with me and just go, with no destination in mind, just for the hell of it all. I want someone who will open the door for me instead of walking in front of me and would ride bikes, go for walks, and be willing to put me before the tv, and I don't mean by moving my chair. It amazes me how things change once we get married. Sex! you say, is more than satisfying his needs, it is a two way street and foreplay does start in the morning and I am not talking about the dishes. He needs to get off the couch and turn the tv off and spend some time with me outside of the bedroom if he wants me to spend time with him in the bedroom. Reality bites! But thats life.
2. There is a huge difference between great, admirable leadership and mean domination.
3. If I ask for advice, it doesn't mean I'm going to act on it. It just means I'd like to know his opinion because I care and respect what he thinks. If he takes offense to me not acting on his advise, then it's his own problem.
4. I have never seriously asked this question and I never will. I don't want to be told I look fat or be paranoid if people think I am. If I want to know how I look in the dress or outfit, I'd simply ask, "How do I look?" and expect an honest answer. Whether or not I decide to change my clothes after the honest input would be due to my own securities/insecurities of my appearance in the outfit.
5. If I ask my significant other to taste something, it's because I've already tasted it first. If I thought it was bad, I'd offer the option of tasting it, but if he said "I'll pass," I wouldn't take offense to it at all.
6. Cleaning the toilet and dishes isn't foreplay, but the man's help certainly makes for more of my time and energy for foreplay and sex. Plus, if he contributes to cleaning up the messes he helped make, then I'm not going to be so grossed out by his sloppiness of cleaning his dried pee splats off the toilet rim and practically super-glued food particles off the dishes he failed to rinse.
7. I know men have feelings that can be hurt, and usually they try to subdue them. I respect men's feelings and would never intentionally hurt them. That's just mean. A woman is just plain stupid if she thinks a man has no emotional capacity and she doesn't deserve a man until she figures that out and can respect it.
8. A man can do everything he's "expected" to do to help me, but if his "minor offenses" are a consistent thing that I've attempted to address on numerous occasions and yet nothing has changed and no effort has been made to change from him, then yes, my desire to "return the favor in the bedroom" is going to be a slightly hindered, depending on how "minor" the continuous offense is. But if the "minor offense" truly is minor and hardly ever happens, I'll have no reason to hold back with feelings of him being "undeserving." If I'm holding back, it's because the sex itself has a problem, which I'd be willing to talk about to fix so that the sexual relationship stays healthy and happy.
These are my answers to your specific questions, and I'm just one woman of thousands that could answer these. Not all women think and act alike, or even similarly.
Your statement, "Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man"--do you mean every relationship you've had, the women have been inconsistent in their expectations? Because I'm very consistent in my expectations, as is my boyfriend, and we communicate well and have a wonderful relationship, very much give-and-take and a deep appreciation for each other.
As Mayflowers and RockRose said, perhaps you need to re-think the types of women with whom you pursue relationships. Sounds like you haven't had any luck, but really, there are good women out there who will let you know exactly what they want, treat you with genuine respect, and in return give you what you want to the best of their ability.
I think that a mistake a lot of women make is expecting their boyfriends/husbands to instinctively KNOW what they want (to be mind readers at times). And when the man guesses what she needs and gets her wrong, the woman gets upset, hurt, angry, frustrated (he should know her the way she knows him). But men seem to be much more matter-of-fact--they seem to appreciate laying it on the table. And when a woman complains to a man about work or a friend who is being uncaring, she's actually seeking a hug and some empathy...but he will likely try to come up with a plan to help her "fix" it.
But, regarding making a relationship work, I have found that the more you give--without keeping score or expectng anything in return--the more you get.
I agree that The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands is a great book. Definitely worth reading. But the title puts a lot of women off--I had a couple of friends comment on it and ask me if I'm crazy. I think they were crazy for not reading it.
I have to say that each and every one of you have replied honestly and in a way that is easy to accept. I feel for you teko. I can't explain why your husband is not interested in you. Why do people; "US' that is, seem to find each other in places like this after it's too late?
I also like to do spontaneous things. I don't leave pee stains on the toilet bowl, and I always completely rinse my dishes after eating. I like bike rides, cooking, laughing at stupid jokes and going on trips with no planned destination "just for the hell of it" and I will sometimes find myself sniffling during a sad movie.
I dated my wife for over a year before marrying her, and during the dating she was perfect! I don't know what changed.
Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate it. Having many different opinions posted here may help me understand others situations and stop whining about mine.
Thank you all.
Donald
BOTTOM LINE.........THIS IS WHY IM SINGLE....:-)
Bottom line - you get what you give. ;D
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
No, I can't say that I've ever expected, or asked, a man to be "sensitive." But then, the men I've been involved with during my life HAVE cried in front of and with me, so that one isn't even an issue.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
There is a huge difference between leadership and domination. If you don't know that difference by now, I doubt I can help you.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
Huh? I don't ask for advice often, but when I do I expect an honest answer even if it's something I may not agree with.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
I have never in my life spoken those words. If a compliment is asked for, it doesn't "count". If it is freely given with no prompting, it makes a huge impression; therefore, I don't ask. :-)
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
Again, I have NEVER done this!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
No, but it's the precursor to foreplay. ;-)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
You really think we don't know this? If you do, you're with some really nasty women.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
Third time: I have NEVER withheld sex as a punishment for misbehavior - imagined or otherwise. Just what kind of women have you been involved with anyway?!
What michelle describes is more like a puppy, not a Man. She bases what she wants on a pure calculation that is in her own best interest. She want's perfection, and that's my point exactly. No margin for error, no room for mistakes. The man she is looking for probably doesn't exist. She will be alone for a long time until she realizes that and gets real.
JayBay, You I respect. But the fact that you didn't understand my statement proves my point. Of course I KNOW that leadership and domination are not the same, but my wife doesn't. My leadership is to provide decisions based on what's best for my household and family. Her idea is for me to just stand up and be the mouthpiece for her decisions. She makes the ammo, and I'm expected to go out and fire it!
I have a good job, a sense of humor, I am faithful, sincere, and loyal. But that is still not enough because I lack obedience and servitude.
I think there are two things that I think are most important in a relationship:
1. Have a sense of humor. My husband and I both ask each other "the" questions about looking fat, taste this or smell this. We just laugh at ourselves. We joke and tease alot.
2. Need vs. Want. I didn't "need" him when I married him. I don't "need" him now. And he didn't "need" me when we got married. He doesn't "need" me now either. BUT - and it's a big But...we WANT each other. We both do laundry, cook, change lightbulbs, take out the trash, and pretty everything else that needs to be done.
Oh wait, there is one thing that I "need" him for...I refuse to get dead mice or things out of the pool. Or deal with anything dead.
Learn to sit, relax, laugh and enjoy each other without expecting sex as a reward or using it as a punishment. You'd be amazed at what happens.
She will be the first to admit that she has no sense of humor. That has caused problems all by itself because she doesn't get a good "joke" and usually takes offense when I tease her about anything. My kids however love my sense of humor and always seem to "get" the humor in my jokes.
Am I perfect, NO. Trouble is, I feel like I'm expected to be. She has a pretty bad case of OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder) and it really ruins her life. She has standards so high even she cannot meet them. That alone causes her great pain, not to mention the fact that me and the kids can't meet them either.
So with respect I must say that for the last 27 years that I've been married to her, my "close up and personal" view of women is soiled. I am aware that a lot of you are way different than what I'm used to, and I congratulate you for it.
I'm just a miserable, bitter old man needing advice and.....perhaps sympathy.
Donald
Donald, you sound like a great man, and you're right that your 27 year marriage has colored your opinion of other women. It's so sad that your wife's OCD issues have messed with all your lives. She's obviously never satisfied with life, and it's always going to be someone else's fault - namely yours. Try not to take it so personally. It sounds like she'd be demanding and belittling with anyone. Stop trying to jump through her hoops because you'll never hit the moving target. Man, what an awful example of marriage for you kids too. "The mommy is always right, and the daddy is always wrong." You can't change your wife, but you can change your own behavior. Being nice doesn't mean being a patsy. Your kids need to see you stand up for yourself - and them.
1. Has a job.
2. Doesn't speak down to me.
3. Actually does stuff around the house instead of leaving me to do it all. (that includes the car)(read my profile and you will understand)
4. Doesn't manipulate and play mind games with me.
5. Actually communicates with me.
6. Does NOT cheat.
7. Actually cares how I feel and if he did hurt my feelings. I will return the favor on that.
8. Physical appearance mets my requirements.
9. Has a sense of humor
I think that sums it up for me but I could be a bit picky.