War between my 15 Year Old & his Step-Dad

[Kathy3335]

I am going crazy with my husband always yelling and name calling at my son.  I see the anger building up inside my son, because he feels that he's opion doesn't matter.  This is not the way I wanted to raise my son.  I always took the giving choices with limitations approach for my son.  However, my husband of 4 years (together 10 yrs) is more aggressive....  He will yell & yell at him for something he did wrong and then yell at me for not being aggresive enough.  I grew up with a lot of verbal & physical abuse.  I feel that I'm a good parent, because my son would talk to me and I listen.  My biggest fear is that; my son will grow up hating his step-dad for being to aggressive with him and hating me for not sticking up for him while it's happening.  I try to explain to him in "private" that he needs to find a different parenting method, because this is not working.  He says sorry and will try better next time.  But I keep dealing with this week - after week.

How can I get though to my husband?

[LeDr]

Your son's well-being should take precedence over how your husband thinks you should handle him. If you can see your son is frustrated or hurting, he's your son..you're his mother..it's your responsibility to stand up and protect him. Your son was in your life before your husband. Instilling fear isn't the most appropriate way to handle kids. Don't you think one day your son may get angry enough to where he acts out?
You may want to consider counseling for all three of you. If your husband is not agreeable to it, then I would suggest the three of you sit down one night and discuss how you all feel about everything. Then come up with a plan where next time a heated situation comes up..the two of them know how they will handle it in the future.

[RockRose]

Actually,  of the two of you,  chances are your son will resent you much more than your husband.  It's typical - abused children often blame the weak parent who stands there not doing anything and blame the interloper less.

I'd give your husband a month to COMPLETELY turn his behavior around or he's out.  I can't even imagine having sex with a man who was mean to my children.