Problem with stepson

[April1113]

Me and my husband have been married for a little over three years.  We have a 3 month old son and he has a six year old son who lives with us.  He only goes with his mother every other weekend.  This was his choice he told his mother he didnt want to live with her anymore.  This is a long story so bear with me.  When me and my husband started dating his son was 2.  My husband was not a very "active" parent at the time.  He was only 20 years old.  Him and his ex dated thru high school and you know the story one thing led to another....  Well he only had him at the time every weekend but the child spent most of his time with the grandmother (my MIL, who I live next door to).  She practically raised him because my dh and his ex had to finish school.  After they finished school my dh got a job and his ex didnt she set around the house but still allowed the grandmother to take responsibility for the child.  Needless to say they had a tight bond.  Well when I came into the picture I made my husband step up to the plate and be a father.  Which of course no one liked in the beginning and it was very hard to seperate Ryan (my stepson) from his grandma.  (I dont know if you can call it seperation since we live next door).  Anyway, the grandma spoiled him and let him do whatever with no consiquences, so I had a lot of work to do with him as far as setting bounderies and rules.  I have finally managed that.  Well, thru all these years there have been reports of abuse/neglect from the mothers part (a lot of it the grandma claimed he told her) CPS investigated nothing founded and the courts did not see it fit for him to be away from his mother.  After going thru years of him throwing a fit to go back with his mother he told her he didnt want to be with her anymore so she agreed and he only goes over there every other weekend.  His interactions with his mother have been excellent since then he acts as though he really loves her and enjoys time with her.  We recently put him in tball and we had a practice the other night in which we all went to (me & dh and his mom and her fiance).  He wouldnt have anything to do with us the entire time.  Wouldnt even say goodbye to us until his mom made him.  Not even my son.  Well, I asked him today when he got off the bus if the only reason why he wanted to live with us instead of his mom was because of his grandma and grandpa he told me yes that is the only reason why he would rather be with us.  What do I do now?  We do everything for this child and have since we had him.  I refuse to let him stay with his grandma and so would his mother.  My feelings are terribly hurt by this.  What should me and dh do?

[jml1986]

First thing you need to do is stop asking him those type of questions. You do not burden children with adult issues. It is not his choice at this point to decide to live with which parent. He needs to live with the parent that can provide the child with a safe, stable environment. You also need to let this child interact with his grandparents. Those people help raise him and to not let him spend time with them is just wrong. Lastly I would say, if your feelings get hurt that easily, you are in for some very long years ahead of you. Kids do not have emotional meters, so they can not judge if what they say will hurt you, they just say what they think, so you might want to grow some thicker skin.

[MrsOckert]

My step kids were 16 when I married my dh.  They hurt my feelings every single day.  Enjoyed doing it, too.  LOL

We get along fine now - 6 years later - but it took a long time.  You think it's bad now wait till he's a teenager.  

I agree with the answer above.  You need to grow thicker skin.

I was raised by my grandparents and had a very special bond with them. Please don't take it away from him.  It will devastate both him and the grandparents.