Child sexual play-what is normal?

[amcr]

My son is in kindergarten. In the fall he was caught asking his friends if he could "see their butts". I talked with him about this and explained that is wasn't appropriate to ask his friends that. We talked about private parts of the body and that you should not show them or ask to see them. He seemed to understand and things were fine for about a month when he did the same thing again with a different friend. We talked again and he lost some priviliges because he had done this again when specificially asked not to. All has been fine as far as I know until last weekend and he initiated this type of play again with yet a different friend only this time he asked his friend to put his finger into his butt. I'm not sure how to handle this. I don't want him to feel bad for being curious but at the same time he can't behave like this. Is this type of behavior normal? His friends are willing participants in the play but he admits that he starts the games. I asked him how he knew about games like this and he said he thought of it. Luckily thus far other parents have been understanding. I fear that this could really cause a problem with our neighbors and friends. Help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are wise in regarding this situation as problematic. Your son is beyond the age when 'innocent' play of this sort occurs. The persistence of it, even in the face of your limits and good discipline, is a reason to arrange for an evaluation of your son. As far as possible, it is important to rule out that he is experiencing any mistreatment himself. The reason I say 'as far as possible' is that you can only learn whatever he tells you. But it would be a good idea to involve a pediatric mental health professional to give you some assistance.

[3714_GR8_Kid]

We are having similar problems with our son. 2 years ago, he started 'bouncing' on his penis. We asked his pediatrician and another acquaintance pediatrician. They both said, not to make a big deal about or draw too much attention to it. Just try to distract him, tell him if he does that he has to be in the privacy of his room and it is a private action.

Well, now there have been more times that he has been caught by my husband and two incidencies of touching girls inappropriately at school.  Is there a condition of early puberty or is it always an issue of abuse or being exposed to this activity? He says he hasn't seen or been shown these actions - he just thinks it feels good or would be funny. We have been trying to recall EVERY person he has ever been alone with - wondering what he could have seen or heard or forbide been victim of.

We are taking him to the doctor to be tested for abnormal hormone levels and to request a good doctor for an evaluation. Right now I'm worried that he may damage his school record or be reported for abuse.

Is this normal? Could it be hormonal? What should we be looking for? If we forbid him for doing this, will it stop the incidences at school or just scar him sexually as an adult?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

How old is your son? From a behavior management point of view, set firm limits on this behavior in public. The pediatrician's guidance is prudent; reserve the behavior for the privacy of his own room. Some children do experience 'precocious puberty' - pubertal changes occur earlier than would be expected. However, masturbation is not necessarily a sign of this, because pre-pubertal children derive pleasure from marturbation.

[3714_GR8_Kid]

Our son is 6 and will be 7 in September. He is the oldest in his class as the cut off date for Kindergarten is 4 days before his birthday. I am always being told he is precocious and very intelligent for his age.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is not at all likely that he is displaying early pubertal changes - you can pretty much discount this possibility.