when is it time to say enough?

[lostsoul2]

I am new to this particular forum, and I come here in desperation.  My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for close to 6 years now.  We have 2 sons together, and a daughter from her previous relationship that I have raised as my own.  We bought a house together 5 years ago, and our lives are obviously very intertwined.  The problem is that we just don't even seem to like each other anymore.  We are both on edge constantly, waiting for the other to hurt out feelings.  We haven't talked much in a long time, and the fights and uncomfortable silence far outweigh any good times we may have anymore.  I am so unhappy these days.  I lost my job over 6 months ago due to a serious back injury and she has been carrying the load, which I am forever grateful for, and I have been a stay-at- home-dad ever since.  I recently registered to finish my Bachelor's degree online, which, instead of support, has been met with criticism.  I do everything for these kids, and I can't do heavy physical labor work anymore, so with 85 hours of college credit, thought it would be in our best interest to get my degree.  I feel like I'm doing it on my own with no support.  I am happier when my wife is gone.  As soon as I see her or even hear her voice I instantly feel the tension build.  If it wasn't for our kids I would already be gone.  But I stay and try to keep the peace.  Most of my days are spent trying like hell to keep the tears back, trying to stay strong for their sake.  When I hurt my back I became addicted to the painkillers prescribed, so I am recovering from that.  I feel so incredibly alone.  At times I even feel suicidal.  This is all met with coldness from my wife.  I don't have much support from my family either, and most of my old friends have moved away, so I feel so unbelievably alone and isolated.  
I guess I am just reaching out and wondering just how much more we need to go through before calling it quits.  I don't know if we can ever get back on track.  Too many hurtful things have been said on both sides.  I want to feel love again, but all I eve feel here is pain.  We have talked about splitting up, but I think we are both afraid of actually doing it.  I guess I am reaching out and wondering just when is it enough?  The kids are asking questions now, so I know they feel it too.  It kills me to think of our lives breaking apart, but it hurts so much to be here and know they are feeling it too.  I went through it as a kid, and it absolutely kills me to know I am putting my kids through that pain.  
Sorry for rambling too long, but I had to get it out.  If anyone has any opinions, I welcome them and thank yu

[teko]

I am sorry you hurt your back, but is there some other line of work that you can do? Your situation is sad in the respect that both of you have legitimate reasons to be hurt and resentful. Sometimes we just have to step back and look at the situation from a differant angle. Look at what you do have, instead of what you do not. As bad as your situation is now, think of how much worse it could be. You have ten years together, made a committment of marriage and have children between you. And one from another failed relationship in the mix. If you divorce, your credit is ruined, the house will be sold, the children will be uprooted, and split up. You will be nailed for child support and will likely find yourself in the same situation another 10 years from now. Get counseling for yourself and your wife where you are both in a situation where you can voice what you feel without the arguing and see if you can repair the damage. Marriage is simply a committment that when things get tough you will hang together and work thru it. It is not an emotion or we would all be divorced after the first 5 years together. You take the good with the bad and hang in there. Obviously there is still hope or you or your wife one would have already bailed. Get help for your addiction, get a job and go to counseling and start thinking of what you can do to pull the relationship together instead of apart. It is more constructive and will be a big payoff in the longrun.Good luck

[Jaybay]

I can tell you from my own experience that you don't want to divorce until you have both done everything you can do to save the marriage.  I know it sounds trite these days to say, "See a counselor" but therapy really can help.  If nothing else, you won't find yourself one day divorced and alone and wondering how the H**l it happened.  Even a trial separation while going to therapy can help.  It's not a solution for everyone, but I've known a few couples who saved their marriages doing just that.

Can you pinpoint any particular time or event that got things going downhill?  Was it just the back injury and related issues?  Have you both frankly discussed your problems, or just gone from silent resentment to discussing divorce?