Asperger's- Yes, No , yes, no!! Is he or not?

[Sandyo915]

We have taken my 4.5 year old son to 2 neurogists one said he has Aspergers because of his shyness and 2 year old level of speech. The other is, "well since shyness and language delays run in the family, its not". WHo to bellive? After MRI's and Cromozone testing, they see nothing.  We put him into a county program and he is with a teacher that helps children with speech delays, there are only 13 kids there with 2 teachers. The program is great and he has in fact improved greatly!

I do have one concern that I dont know how to deal with: When he leaves after school care he doesnt want to go with me imediatly he starts wondering around and avoiding me and avoiding getting in the car. Then at home we can not display happiness towards him when he is frustrated or in "his mood", he gets mad and crys and screems "NO!". He doesnt want special attention.  I feel bad because I want to talk to him about school and hug and kiss him when he gets home (when my husband picks him up, visa versa when I pick him up). What is this?

[MJIthewriter]

Perhaps you can let him take a break first and then ask him about school later?

When I was in school the first thing I wanted to do was be by myself doing some activity which was usually going out in a field that was across from a house I lived in. Later as I hit puberty, that turne dinto wanting to crash into my bed and nap. It seemed to take a lot of energy out of me to stay awake through the school day.

I wasn't open to talk about much, until after I got that nap, and even then I would choose on my own terms if I wanted to engage in conversation or not.

[MaryannesMom]

I find it amazing that the neurologist said it is Asperger's because of SHYNESS and 2 YEAR OLD LEVEL OF SPEECH.  These are not determinations of Aspergers, in fact, there is no speech delay with Aspergers.  You need to find another dr.  Have you tried a child behaviorial psychologist?

[Sandyo915]

Yes but this is different, he want me to ignore him. i.e. walk in and pretend he is not there at all, then trys to get my attention, when i do he goes into a fit

[Sandyo915]

Thanks. I did take him to another and thats the confusion. The other one said "lets just treat the problems then later on we can say if he does or not....????rrrrrrr! I took him to a behavioral therapist, she said NO WAY! Just shy and needs some speech help. Only one of the neuorologists said he had Asperger's. Do they make more money if they dx this? The only toy she had in the office with her was a spinning toy, what toy do you think my son will play with? THe only toy in the room! Oh noooo, now he just plays with spinning toys.
I have no problem, I just want to know if he does or not and take it from there. Is there really a way to know being so young?

[MaryannesMom]

You may have to try another dr. then.  You said you went to another neurologist.  Have you tried a behaviorial child psychologist?  I believe Asperger's is usally diagnosed a little older than your son.  

[MJIthewriter]

I guess I must be missing some details when trying to recreate the scene in my head or go back to comparable memories of my own.

I just know with myself there are moments I DON'T want to be talked to no matter how I feel. For me that is often the morning time... If my grandma starts trying to talk to me when I am eating my breakfast, either I tune most of what she says out or I try to tell her I'm not in the mood to talk. If she persists, I often start rushing so I can finish quicker and get back to a quiet area. On especially grumpy days, I may take my food with me to my room to avoid talking.

I can't say why it is. It can happen when I'm mad at a particular person, but other times there is no particular reason. Just for some reason my mouth feels like it is zipped shut and my mind is more focused on my internal thoughts. When my mind is focused on my internal thoughts I can't process outside data too well and vise versa. I learn to switch modes faster with maturity, but still there are a few days I am content to focus on my thoughts and not communicate.

About the being ignored/not being ignored bit...  That's a toughie to explain... I don't always understand it myself... I HATE being ignored...or even perceiving I am being ignored. I like to see some obvious acknowledgement that people heard me... As a kid I expected it and would end many sentences with "okay?" and get annoyed if the person didn't reply with "okay."

But then at the same time I like attention on my own terms. If you try to get my attention at the wrong time, then I'm peeved. Now days, I try to push that irritation to the back of my mind and be polite to the other person.  If they are a family member, I tend to be blunt and say I don't feel like talking right now.
A less verbal autistic would likely shove someone away to indicate the same feeling. If their shove is misunderstood, then they may try something more aggressive. It's frustrating to not be able to communicate in a way both can understand.

When I want attention, I tend to expect people to give me attention. This is something I am working on, but it still is a struggle... This is where emotional maturity fails in comparison to intellectual maturity... I tend to think someone not answering me is rejecting me... and treat it likelwise and get all sad and grieved like I'm being neglected. An emotional outburst can occur when I realize my feelings are not rational but I can’t control them by logical thought alone… That gets frustrating… For some reason I want to just stop emotions at my whim and be done within the matter of nanoseconds… I don’t know how “normal” people handle it, but I’m coming to the realization, perhaps that’s why people go to other people to deal with those emotions…because they can’t resolve those feelings on their own either…

I'm guessing this could be like what your son is doing, but without being inside his head, I can't say for sure.