My mental health

[sam019]

Hello, i wasnt sure which topic to select as my problem relates to a few of them, when i was younger i suffered from ADHD, which went untreated, now i am 19 years old, nearly 20.  I have  big problems with being social with people, never say the right thing, never act myself, i get really anxious, and uncomfortable with situations which i know i shouldnt, when ever this happens i start sweating instantly from the top of my head, i have smoked cannabis constantly since the age of 14, i have stopped now, but this must of had something to do with my behaviour. Also worrying can be quite good, helps for you to keep on top of things, but im sure i worry too much about things that i shouldnt, another problem that i have is that i am sick whenever i get nervous or anxious when i know i am about to go out, or if i am out in a pub.

I have been sick so many times now, that i think it is starting to damage my insides, last time after being sick, i couldnt stop retching and ended up bringing up a fair bit of blood.  I had to go out with work today for dinner, but i was acting really strange, and i know its not me, i ended up leaving without saying bye to anyone, and just felt really depressed about it all, please can you advise what this problem might be, and what i should do about it??

[jdtm]

Are you sure you suffer from ADHD?  I am wondering if you are suffering from some type of anxiety disorder.  Your entire post indicates this - even to the items of depression and self-medication with drugs.  Please see a medical doctor and inquire about this possibility.  Anxiety is a very common disorder and very highly treatable.  It will not go away nor will you outgrow it.  Please seek help.  I wish you the best ...

[Dave_737]

I can somewhat relate to you sam019.  I had an extremely stressfull childhood. My dad (shouldn't even call him that) was a controlling, abusive, alcoholic x-army officer and he constantly abused me physicaly and mentally as a kid.  when he would drink, he would always critisize me and call me all sorts of degrading names.  When he was sober, whenever that was, he would be even more angry and beat me severly (i'm talking hard european beating) at the flip of a coin for long periods of time.  I could go on about all day about the things my dad did to me as a child but my point is.... I grew up withdrawn,  scared, confused,  and angry up to the point when my mom finally decided to divorce him.  I was 16 years old and i finnaly had my taste of freedom but since i had little to no experiance in dealing with social groups and things of that nature i got into the wrong crowd and started smoking alot of pot.  I ran into whole heaps of trouble untill i finnaly found my way and started to try cope with my issues.

I'm getting better, *(i'm 20 now) but i still have this problem with worrying about things way tooo much.  FOr instance whenever i leave the house i sometimes practive how i'm going to greet someone if i happen to talk to someone on my way somewhere. or about ten times a day i pat my self down for my belongings that I KNOW i have ( ie. wallet, i-pod, cellphone etc..) not so often anymore but whenever i go somewhere, i stillI stare into car windows, like every car on the side of the road, to see if i look fine. I talk to myself out loud alot, sometimes critisizing myself, saying things like,  "******* why would you do that??" or "ya that sounds like a good idea"..I even ask myself questions like "so what are you going to do about it?" (whenever i have to deal with an issue)

When hanging out with friends or new people i have a hard time getting the thoughts that are in my head into words so i end up saying automatic sentences that i've always said. It kinda makes you feel like noone truelly knows you.  Occasionaly, i'll have a good day where things just kinda flow and i appreciate them verymuch.  I fell like i have somewhat of a self identity crisis ( i know who i am but i constantly question it) I also feel very depressed, occasionally and start to cry when i play guitar alone (is that normal) because i think back to all of the stuff thats happened.  People say that i'm a "good looking" person and i manage to somehow get A quality girls but i never feel like I believe the comments and don't feel like i deserve the girls.

I feel like i've gotten better over the years  so i don't know if i just want to bury the hatchet and get on with my life ( havn't seen my dad in like 3 yrs).  My question to anyone out there is will this only get better from here or will it somehow  come up in some mid life crisis where i join a "cult of rebel seagull rescuers" or w/e.  Am i OK now or should i just work this off myself.  I feel that the rough childhood has made me stronger as well as weaker. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this long post.