Obsession

[Vinman43004]

OK I was dating this girl for about 6 months.  We got along great.  We were talking moving in marriage the whole thing.  I stayed at her place on the weekends and then during the week.  We were getting along great until I started taking my kids down with me on my weekends for visitation.  That's were the problems started.  Anyway we were on and off.  Just friends/more than.  Now she is dating other people and I have been talking/ seeing others too.  My problem is that I think I am obessed with her.  I constantly think about her.  I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of her.  It is effecting my mental health as well.  I constantly drink.  I am recieveing a severance package from a former employer so I don't have to work but I would like to return soon.  I can't because I am constantly thinking about her.  I don't want to come out and ask her if we are going anywhere because I don't want to know the answer.  She calls me on an almost regular basis "just to say"  I don't want to let go but I need to get a handle on this.  Any suggestions?

[Jaybay]

Apparently you're going to have to hear the truth that is already staring you in the face, and that you already know in your heart.  She's done.  You've both drifted apart and never talked about it.  That tells me that you both probably didn't talk about much at all of important things while you were still together.  

In less than 6 months, you two were practically living together and already talking marriage.  In your honest opinion, how much of this relationship was based only on sex?  Great sex does not a great relationship make.  When you're still in that chemical-laden, "honeymoon" period of getting to know each other, you can't imagine ever having any differences.  Serious discussions just don't happen.  

You suspect she has a problem with your children.  Did you ever discuss the problem?  When she started drifting away, did you talk about it, or was the situation like the big elephant sitting in the living room that nobody wants to confront?  I think you NEED the confrontation to get past this.  She's apparently already moved on, so how much more will it really hurt to hear it spoken?

[jo929]

If she cant love your kids, let her go, she is not worth it, I would not give up my children for no one, if you do, I really think you would regret it.sounds like she has you where she wants you. let go and move on.  luck   jo

[dineshsibal]

I feel for you since you are still connected with few cords.
But it is important for you to place things in right perspective.
First question: what is bothering you? If it is only obsession, the answer is within the problem. get over it!!
Is it anger of rejection which is bringing the obsession, then you are as much at fault as she is. You too didnt wait before starting off with relationships on rebound.
My suggestion: Move on.
Get something constructive to keep you busy. At your age, sports or community/social work is good. Donno how much u will accept. But do something productive to divert your attention.
Lastly, her persistent calls and attempts to remain in touch with you is unhealthy for you. She too is confused and is misusing your availability. Almost like having your cake and eating it too!!
Without being judgmental, you two are impacting each other out of immaturity.
get involved in bigger things. As for other relations, go slow. Enjoy friends and their company before jumping into a commitment again or the bed before you understand your real self.
Bets of luck

[teko]

If she cannot accept your children, then for their sakes as well as yours, save yourself a lot of grief and regret down the road,  and move on. This is just about the biggest red flag you can get. She is playing head games and has already moved on but wants to keep you dangling cause it inflates her ego.  Going to drinking also says something about your mental well being, it is self destructive to not only you but your kids. Go get a job, meet new people and move on.  Your right, it is an obsession. Not healthy for anyone involved.