Will I ever get better?

[triedeverymed]

I'm startiing to think will all the meds I've tried that I'm not going to get well. I know it's sounds typical BP but I can't sleep anymore, almost OD'ed on sleeping pills last night (by accident), can't be a good Mom to my beautiful son, and am stuck in AZ with no friends,no one to call or hand out with and I think this may be the end of the line for me. I want to take my son and run away where I have family. I can't stand the silence of the daytime. The phone never rings and all my old friends don't understand the disease besides it's been years anyway.
The BP support group is in the worst part of town at night and I didn't meet anyone. I'm pretty outgoing but now I feel my life is over. I don't see the disease as a blessing. It's killing me and eats away at my soul every minute of the day. If I didn't have my son I would have been gone lone lone ago.
Does anyone else feel so alone and helpless?

[Indianman]

Tried and tired.I know the pain all to well I have been dealing with it for 8 years now,it is easier to remember what I have been on than what I haven,t.I can,t sleep have gained 20lbs. from meds,also joint custody with ex-wife.I am so tired of this disease nobody understands,not even your own family,I really do know how you feel.I am their to.Indianman

[triedeverymed]

good to know someone else is in the same boat. thank you so very much!!!!
Erin

[Jen813]

keep looking up.  it will be better before you know it.  Have faith in yourself (much harder done than said), look how strong you had to be to get this far.  you're awesome. don't forget that :)  if you need me, i'm here!!!

[FreeSpirit4Life]

I still feel like this at times especially when I'm not on med's and when I was on every med in the book practically I reall yfelt like this do u like to read and listen to music this helped me a lot and I just quit caring about what everyone else thought and put my all into my little girl this place has helped me a whole lot read my profile it's me in a nut shell and there is sooo much more u will be just fine hang in there k

[triedeverymed]

Thank you, I try every suggestion I get. I cry all day and all night. Can't sleep and I'm on my meds EXACTLY as the doc suggests. I just wish I had a way to make some more friends to keep my mind off the suffering.
Thanks so very much!!!
Erin

[FreeSpirit4Life]

anytime I'm here well except 4 when I'm busy LOL sorry

[Crystlas]

Hey there.  How long ago were you diagnosed?  I can totally relate.  It took me a year to get on the right meds after diagnosis.  They tried me on 10 different meds to help work with my Lithium.  After a huge mess, attepted suicide and a hospital stay, amazing, wonderful, kicken Wellbutrin was started with me.  I am on a great combo now and getting stable.  It takes a lot of time and effort.  Do some educating yourself via internet.  There are tons of websites and good info. to help.  That is how I came to find this forum, during one of my crazy research trips.  I think the reason I got it straight for myself so quickly, was because I educated myself on the disorder.  As far as sleep, I thought this past year I was never going to sleep again.  I tried everything I could for sleep.  With stability, will come sleep.  I help that right along with Melatonin and Ashwangadha.  I also throw in Valerian root and Chamomile on rough nights.  I like naturals, much healthier for the body.  Also, I use a noise maker that plays ocean waves, very relaxing and quiets the mind.  These tools help me relax and lessens my anxiety.  No way would it have worked before I was stabilized.  That is the key.  You have to make drastic changes in your lifestyle.  I now limit my caffiene to one cup of coffee in the morning.  I do not drink, AT ALL, what so ever....and I miss an occasional cocktail, but stability is worth it.  Also, NO drugs.  However, I have done extensive research on smoking marijuana and being bipolar.  After stability occurs it is ok, in rare moderation, but never excessively.  I wanted to know this, because I used to be a regular smoker and I love love it.  So, I was wondering if I had to give it up for good.  So, knowing I can do it once in a blue moon is kind of nice!  :-0)   I do know hard drugs are really bad though, and alcohol is very harsh and can throw you into depression.  I also exercise every day that I feel well, along with a better diet.  When we are diagnosed bipolar our brain chemistry is so far out of wack, so it takes awhile for it to come back to normal.  These medications actually change the biochemistry in our brains.  So, you have to realize that it is not a quick fix, frustrating as heck, but not quick.  Trust me, I feel your pain.   Ever wondered why bipolars who are not medication complient have a harder time?  They never let themselves get and stay stable.  The more you go off and on meds, the more difficult it is to stablize.    

[downup28311]

I feel your pain too.  Been there.  Am there.  Been there for a really long time -- over 20 years.

[triedeverymed]

Boy how a month can change you life. Now I'm on the right meds, sleeping again, feeling great, and have my life back!! I took 9 days vacation to catch up on rest and get my sleep pattern back, it was a lifesaver. When I came home, I had no need for sleeping pills, all my meds were working in sync, and I'm a whole new person. A lot of the credit is due to a psychiatrist who in my opinion is the best in AZ. He actually studied my chart and tried to fill in the missing pieces. He listened to me and spend every visit talking with me for a half an hour about how I was feeling.
Today is May 21, 2008 and I feel like a whole new person. I don't know what else to say except I can't believe it was me who typed the original post. I am so happy with my life and my outlook is fantastic. This disease can be beaten, we just need the right meds, doc, and tools. To anyone who is suffering like I was, please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if you keep after it, you too will see it!!
Erin

[meldawn143]

I was so excited to read you at the end of this post. Im so proud of youa and glad you stuck in there. Way to go!
Melanie

[triedeverymed]

Thank you, I feel so good! Time and patience I suppose!!
Erin