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How to make a father comitted to responsibilities

by alottatots, Apr 16, 2008 12:54PM
6.5 million dollar dad puts his own baby in the rain after having open heart surgery like a bag of trash but lives a life of luxury with his girlfriend and two sons.

My ex husband lives in a 6.5 million dollar home with his current girlfriend and her two sons while I struggle by working around the clock to maintain our humble home. I am raising our two sons and of course loving it, but all by myself for he his voluntarily detached himself from them. My son, was born 05/05/02 and at several points in the past, doctors weren’t confident he’d survive his complex heart defects. It was horrifying. Thank God though my son is doing well but I have knowledge about  his condition that effects every aspect of my life. After his four open heart surgeries, the doctors had explained that the reconstructive surgeries (BT Shunt, Glenn, Fontan and Intervention) only last so long and that life expectancy would be about to the teens. At some point he may be eligible and will need a heart transplant. I have actual footage of my ex husband sobbing and begging that he would give our youngest son his own heart if he could and today and for the past 3 ½ years he hasn’t so much as sent him a birthday card, let alone is present at surgery, as he basks in the sun by the pool on the intercoastal in Florida. It is so sad and disappointing to me to see two precious gifts with unconditional love towards their dad go un recognized and denied. I am happy that I am no longer married to him and no one can say I didn’t try for I married him twice. He had, and may still have a drinking problem, values money as his God , was both emotionally and physically abusive. I felt as though while I was with him I was suffering a long term rape. Obviously, the matter still affects me and weighs on me mostly because of my disappointment and disbelief.
He was so detrimental that at one point even the division of youth and family services investigated him because of his temper and instability. He had put our son in the driveway in the rain shortly after his, I believe, 2nd surgery. To mention just one of many abusive and cowardly acts.
How can a person be so cold to trash his own blood, one that is seriously ill to lavish himself and his girlfriend and her two sons of the same approximate ages? I know he doesn’t have Christ in his life and we pray for him that his heart will change. Currently I am a single mom with two young boys ages 7 and 5 as well as an adorable 10 month old baby “foster” daughter. I am up at 6am to prepare the opening of my home childcare at 7:30 am. I care for children under the age of 3. This allows me to tend to the medical needs of Kamrin and be there for his home instruction. My son has low immunity and has been diagnosed with PLE on top of it all and is permitted to be educated in his own home. He just was sent a letter that the Grant A wish Foundation will be granting him a wish and we are all very happy  about that. I have received child support because it has been court ordered but it amounts to less than what the state of NJ pays me to care and provide for my foster daughter. I’m in this position because he drained me emotionally, abandoned us entirely while he vacationed in Hawaii with his present girlfriend and threatened to never sign divorce to drag it out forever. I was smoked out. He hid all of his assets and claimed broke. Could it be possible that his girlfriend has no idea of his treacherous actions or is she of the same creed?
Some say to get over it that he is and always will be a deadbeat, pond scum, maggot or Satan incarnate but what consolation is that for our sons who currently declare they are fatherless and for me in helping to deal with the load etc? Exhausted alotta tots
Member Comments (1)

by Jaybay, Apr 16, 2008 06:59PM
You and your children survived a situation that can be described as nothing short of Hellish.  Your ex sounds like a complete sociopath, and those people are incredibly dangerous because they have no conscience whatsoever.  There is no reasoning with a sociopath.  I have no doubt there are plenty of people ready to tell you to soak him for everything he is worth, but I'm not one of them.  If you could have done that, it would have been done by now.

Assuming he is a "deadbeat, pond scum, maggot or Satan incarnate", (and it all sounds pretty true by the way!) why would you want any kind of communication with him at all?  You appear to be doing everything right for your children without his help, so why torture yourself with having to deal with him for one more moment of your life?  No doubt you already know what a court battle can do to your life - no matter how justified the action.  Are you ready to take that on just to get some of his money?  Are you ready to put you children on the witness stand and further traumatize them?  You're the only person who can answer those questions.  You will never force him to love your child, because he doesn't seem to be capable of loving anyone other than himself.
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