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Abuse Support Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse.
I dont know
by shanna520, Apr 16, 2008 02:01PM
Hi, I dont know if I am over reacting but I need some help. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We have two children whom are toddlers and my stepson is 16. The outburst always seem to be the same thing. He makes the money so he should be able to spend it like he wants and that it is his contribution to the household. I asked why he could not help out at home and he started with f this and that in front of all the kids. I asked him to stop and he continued. I told him he needed to apologize to me and the kids for his behavior and he said he would not. I told him he has no respect for me and he said I had non for him. His outburst are to the point where I am getting nervous that he is gonna react this way to the kids when I am not home. I feel like I need to walk on egg shells and always ask his opinion for everything or permission. He tells me I am stupid for asking his opinion but I tell him its cause I dont know how he will react. Or he states that I never aks and he always forgets why he was yelling at me. This last time he told me that he didnt know why he yelled at me just that I triggered something in him and then on Monday told me he was sorry but if I just remembered his contribution that everything would be alright. This is not the first time, but it seems to be happening more frequent. I am worried about my daughter specially but both my boys too. It happens about every 6 weeks and when I told him that he told me I was crazy. Thru the years has told me I am over sensative, stupid,. I have told him in the past if he threatened me I would leave but then he says I can't leave with is kids and its his house and well... you may get the picture. I know you can't tell much from writing on here but is this verbal abuse or am I at fault? I am confused.
On balance, if he's making all the money and you are at home with the kids, your job is to run the house. "Helping out" at home for him should consist of emergency situations like if you have the flu, or there is some other very unusual situation. Otherwise he can contribute by being a good role model to the kids, and loving them, and playing with them, and getting out of the way when you are working, and not verbally insisting that you need to stop working and sit with him because what you're doing doesn't need to be done. On balance.
The rest of your post shanna I really can't understand what you're saying.
And there is never an excuse for verbal abuse. He is verbally abusing you whether he realizes it or not. To call you stupid and yelling at you is not acceptable, ever. It sounds to me like he has an anger problem. You have a right to request that he not use bad language or yell in front of the kids. He's setting a bad example to them. The more you allow him to do this to you, the more it will damage your self-esteem and even your kids. If he refuses to change or seek help for his anger problem you may need to decide whether you and the kids would be better off without him. Don't ever let someone mistreat you. You deserve better. I wish you the best.
And niel_diamond_bessie, your post was confusing to me. What did you mean by posting hiv? I don't understand.
I hope you all aren't taking lightly this situaton. This poor woman is in an abusive situation. It may not be physical but it is definately verbal and that can be just as bad if not worse.
The problem is his. He sounds pretty insecure to me. It's scares him for you to make something of yourself whether it be through schooling or a job. It makes him feel inferior and he doesn't like that one bit. So, he belittles you and puts you down to "put you in your place" so to speak or rather under him and his control.
Yes, he sounds like a controling person. Most people who feel out of control in their own lives try to control others or situations around them. When they can't do that, they feel frustrated and therefore strike out at the thing blocking them from that control. Does that make sense?
He can't tell you that you can't take the kids and leave. You have every right as their mother to do that. If he wants to fight that then he needs to petition the court.
I recommend you guys agree to counseling and him to anger management classes. If he refuses then you get counseling for yourself. Also, start looking into how you could support you and your kids should you decide to leave. You need to be prepared. Hold your head up. You and your kids deserve better. I hope things will pick up for you soon. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. Take care & God bless.
That man sounds like an overgrown, tantrum throwing, bullying boy. I dont see how some of you women put up with the first fit. You should have put him in his place the first time he did anything inappropriate. The same way as raising a child. Now, it may be too late. When people grow into their ways, it has pretty much permeated them.
Get help. See a counselor. Find out what options are open to you. For your health and that of your children, I encourage you to change your situation.