Unwanted Thaughts Again!?

[cunningstuntuk]

Hi, I need some advice, I am a 20 years old male and last year from January to August, I thought I had something wrong with my ear or brain as I felt detatched from the world around me after doing a large amount of MDMA one night in January, after a while the doctor got pissed off with me and started asking me some questions about my life and whether i was depressed, obviously I was depressed for the first time in my life due to thinking I had something wrong with me for so long and ruining my gap year, anyway I was put on meds and I soon stopped worrying about being ill and my mind down spiraled to thinking I was insane etc. so I asked to come off the meds. Then my mind managed to pick up on my worst fear at the time of being gay, I went into absolute panic mode and constantly checked and felt depressed that I might be gay, this went on for a long time and I was completely empty inside. I started going to see a really good psychotherapist who performed CBT on me and after a couple of weeks I realized how stupid I was being and the fear of being gay has totally gone away and he suggested I didn't need any more sessions. So I was fine for a while with no weird thoughts or anything, then I started to have intrusive images about discusting things, so I just did what he taught me and eventually they went away. I have not had bad thoughts for over a month and now all of a sudden they are coming back and I am feeling really low in myself. I am stressing out over university and work and now all these discusting images are coming into my head. The thing that depresses me the most is the fact I know I will never be able to rid of these thoughts cause now they are in there and I have made such a big deal out of them I will remember them for the rest of my life. Why can't technology be so advanced that it can rid of specific images in your head. I don't want to be a bad person! Well I know I'm not a bad person, but these images are freaking me out. Maybe I just need to occupy myself more at the moment. I also hate myself for doing that much MDMA last year. If I hadn't of done it, none of this would of ever happened. I used to be one of those people that NEVER worried and was NEVER depressed, I hate how my mind is at the moment I really do. I just want to be my care free self  again.

Sorry about that small essay. If you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it, thanks.

[BigV76]

Let me ask you something about what you said:

"So I was fine for a while with no weird thoughts or anything, then I started to have intrusive images about discusting things, so I just did what he taught me and eventually they went away...."

If you don't mind sharing, what things did you do to make the bad thoughts go away?  I'm afraid my 8 year old is having unwanted thoughts (he told me he did) and I'd like to help him to make them go away.

Thanks.

[April2]

I don't know if the original poster will come back or not but I just wanted to let you know that he's talking about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. My daughter had that kind of therapy for about a year to help with depression and anxiety. It teaches you to recognize how you're thinking and feeling and how to find positive ways to overcome that and feel better. It might be a good idea to check out.
I also had intrusive thoughts for awhile shortly after becomming a Christian but nobody told me it was related to OCD. I was having thoughts against God and stuff and it scared me. This was many years ago. What helped me was praying and learning to give it to God or just letting it go. It gradually got better and now it only occasionally comes back but I've learned to recognize and reject the thoughts. The Bible calls it renewing the mind. I don't know what your beliefs are, of course, and I don't want to push anything on you. I'm just telling you what worked for me. I hope your son feels better soon. I know how horrible it feels. Take care & God bless.

[bmore]

I know it sounds stupid, but what is CBT?

[April2]

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

[cunningstuntuk]

Hello, I'm back. Just an update, I have been worry free for at least 4 months now. It's going great. I have a super job, a great girlfriend and have been offered a job to spend 5 months in the french alps snowboarding. Just a message to anyone reading this, feeling the same as I did. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will find your true self, just takes time. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is great, it really is amazing how such small exercises can focus your mind on tasks at hand etc. I have small relapses of horrid thoughts but you just have to go with the flow and not take notice of them basically, take them as a joke almost (you can't see them like that at first of course, but with a bit of time you definately can). If you are having trouble find a great doctor in your local area who specializes in CBT, it might be expensive but it sure is worth it.

Good luck.