~ SPECIAL 3 DAY “ANXIETY” GUEST THREAD ~ Let’s Welcome the CL-Anxiety, JSGeare to our Community ~ Post Questions here about Anxiety and How to Reduce Stress. JSGeare may be able to help share some ways to reduce anxiety..so let’s post away!

[ChitChatNine]

Sample Topics for discussion -- Anxiety as it Relates to:

*   Waiting for Biopsy Results
*   Waiting for Tests to be taken
*   Waiting for Tests Results
*   Waiting for Surgery dates and Dr. Appts., etc.

Also,

*   Anxiety you may feel after a new diagnosis!

Let's Welcome JSGeare aboard and post away.  He'll be with us on this thread from 4/21-4/23. Let's make this a thread to remember .. by working together We Can Make A Difference!

Cheryl & Stella
Thyroid Community Leaders

[softlights]

Do you have a recommended reading list?  Any workbooks with outlines, journal pages, etc?   I sometimes find a short one day at a time type of book, is easier for me to concentrate on. my attention span is not as good as it used to be.

something regarding surviving thyroid disease, a guide to living with hyroid problems, etc.

anyone else who has a good book to share could also share?

My suggestions-- "The anxiety *phobia workbook " (Auth?) and Maryellen Copeland's Coping with Depression workbook.( These are not related to medical illnesses).

[ChitChatNine]

This is a test post.  I brought up the health pages and want to see if the post I am writing today will re-activate the post onto the community to bounce up front or will just post here and stay in the health pages!

C~

[JSGeare]

Owing to a cranky old car that demands the attention of mechanics I must now take my leave with every thanks for your attention and participation. I have been privileged to be with you and have learned much. You are courageous and I admire you. This community of souls in particular is strong evidence of what we can do for another.

Please feel free to PM me should you wish to do so, to carry on more discussion or otherwise just to say "hello."

I wish you all the very best.

JSGeare
Anxiety Forum

[JSGeare]

Your are generous with me, kippy, and I appreciate it. And by no means let your lack of anxiety prevent you from communicating with those who have or had it. Mercifully, I'm in the "had it" category. And you will find that panic people tend to be a well-behaved lot.

If anyone is helped, it is, really, because they did the work themselves. I may have stirred up some thinking but the actual work is done by each person him/her self.

And as to your CL's, yes, they're the top.

Pub night? What time you gonna be there, kiddo?

-S

[kipland]

All I have to say is WOW!  You said a LOT of mouthfuls here.  I'm going to have to go back an re-read the whole post to let it all sink in, but after browsing through them, I'm in awe.

I haven't posted to you, because thankfully, I don't suffer much anxiety.  But I've seen it in a few very close family members - one being my mom, who passed away this past February.  Oh how I wish she were still here so I could share some of your ideas.

I'm quite sure that you've helped MANY by coming over to our forum - so thank you for that.  Thanks also to our wonderful CL's (love you both!) for getting you to come on here and share.

Hope to see you again!  Possibly at another Pub night?!?!  

Lori  

[JSGeare]

I have been, perhaps, TOO careful to avoid the appearance of trivializing the anxiety that corresponds with BIG medical issues, and so have not pressed too heavily for humor as an antidote. But on this, the last day of our seminar, I would like to bring the subject to the foreground.

To begin with, you will note from this thread and posts across your forum that humor, wit, and laughter are present everywhere. The material, however, is very special because it is not manufactured humor as simple "jokes" are. Nor is it gallows or black humor. This incredibly human trait portrays the very agile capability of the human mind. I referred, above, to the heady aroma of auto exhaust as something which fires off the feel-good juices, and offered NASCAR fans as evidence. For many of them this is, in fact, really TRUE. But the reference is amusing because it stands in apparent opposition to the idea of the sweet fragrance of candles or essences for bath water. And AR10 "got it." When he alleged that I was recommending he become a NASCAR driver, he knew perfectly well I was suggesting no such thing (not at the time, anyway) and he transmitted that understanding by stating just the opposite. He took the conversation down a different (dare I say) road, and that made me laugh, as well, but also let me know he "got the message." Come to that, how often do we see LOL and LMAO on the forum? Answer: very often.

This laughter thing is serious business.

You have watched me attempt to articulate the belief that the only way, ultimately, that we can handle situations that we cannot change directly is to change ourselves, the way we understand ourselves, think about ourselves. Everything I have said, every word, has  already been redacted somewhere into a familiar little pearl of wisdom, such as, "one door closes, and another opens." But the simple repetition of such mantras, while honestly offered as a helpful and sympathetic thoughts, may not really embed them in our minds as having great and lasting importance. What I have attempted to do is say that when one door closes -we need not WAIT for another to open, or go looking for the open door. We can open it ourselves, we can even create it ourselves. The key is understanding and believing that it really is within our capacity to do so.

The evidence that we can indeed do so, is, I believe nowhere more present than in our laughter. The laughter comes from our instantaneous recognition of a change-up, a sudden switch in point-of-view, a new and often at first nonsensical way of understanding. It is, quite possibly, the best exercise our brains will ever have, for the mind that is keen to humor, wit and laughter is very adaptable to change, to new explorations, new ideas. The mind is open for business, alert and agile. At least two processes are at work here: first, the mere comprehension of why anything is "funny" involves a lot of operators at work in your internal switchboard, instantly making the connections from memory, training and experience to deliver a "Ha ha!" And second, the brain is squirting out "joy juice" that makes us feel wonderful and want more.

When you think about it, an anxiety or panic attack is really not that different from a fit of laughter, is it? You become breathless, you tingle, you make odd facial expressions, you may even think you are going to faint. Stop it! You're killing me! So how is it -how is it, my friends- that the very same set of automatic phsyical responses can portray such widely opposed feelings? Put your mind to work on THAT one. It is all in the point of view. Change that -and you've GOT something.

Can you just snap you fingers and "be happy?" Probably not. Let me try. (Snaps fingers and goes "hahahahahahahahaha" in front of his computer). Nothing. I'm not laughing -but YOU might be, as you envision this lunatic CL laughing at his computer. And my mate has just told me to "stay on the meds, sweetie."

OK, most of us cannot simply wish ourselves into a state of agile mental awareness. We can, however, immerse and expose ourselves to what we already find to be funny. What's your poison? The Three Stooges? Marx Brothers? Old Saturday Night Live shows? The Honeymooners? How about books of humor? Not just "1001" jokes, but works that deploy humor to tell a story. To this very day, I cannot pick up a copy of "In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash" by Gene Shephard without going into uncontrollable fits of laughter -and that's just from looking THINKING about the book.

Let me commend to you this website:

http://thehealingpoweroflaughter.blogspot.com/2007/07/how-marx-brothers-brought-norman.html

If the link does not appear or is obscured my MedHelp, then just google for:

thehealingpoweroflaughter marx

exactly as I have written it.

You'll learn how Norman Cousins discovered and his medical team validated that laughter quite literally cured him. Its a BIG deal. And it is the truth.

After you have read the material, then google around for more sites which cover the very real role of laughter in recovery.

In going through my own material here, I see that I could be understood as one who zealously advances a point of view with such enthusiasm as to perhaps overlook the original purpose -how do you handle anxiety? And of course, to is obvious that some change in outlook, in the way you are thinking, MUST take place -else nothing changes. I do not mean to obscure the practical application of techniques of relief with a lot of talk about the theory of why it works. All that said, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and with all due respect for all the other methods to get relief, I hold out to you that laughter is the most effective and most available of ALL of them. Follow the links -and see for yourself.

You know this is true because you already use it.

Ha! Whaddya know? It was right under my nose.

[ChitChatNine]

JSGeare will be with us until mid-morning .. so any more ?'s post away .... this thread will be an invaluable source of reference for us on this community for many years to come. Everybody should BOOKMARK THIS THREAD for future use .... we can help so many people on this community when thyroid-related anxiety ?'s come up and in our own personal lives outside of thyroid, we can look back and reference so much of what he has taught us and apply it to daily life.

THANK YOU JSGeare for your time and dedication to helping the Thyroid Community!

Cheryl, Stella & members of our community

[nissah46]

JSGeare mentions laughter or humor and I can say that watching Just for laughs Gags will have you crying , you laugh so hard! Thirty minutes well spent.

[JSGeare]

I can understand how the news of an unwelcome visitor is not an occasion for celebration and I hope the best of medical care and your resolve will carry the day.

I will now try to put across a concept that is difficult to explain. Suppose I met you down at the pub, you at last disclosed your cancer and said you were fearful of the upcoming procedures and the outcome. If I then asked you WHY you were afraid, you might think I was daft. And you might respond with, "Who would NOT be afraid, wouldn't everybody?"

But, if you think about it, there are millions of people who are not afraid. Who? And why? First of all, who. I refer to the following:
people in cultures who have no idea of what cancer is and therefore they do not fear it.
Babes-in-arms of EVERY culture around the globe who obviously don't have the intellectual machinery in place to even understand their native tongue and therefore have no clue. God bless them.
People who are so immersed in their spritual or religious lives that, while they might seek comfort from pain, they are not devastated by the swiftly approaching and unstoppable event horizon of their own passing from this life to whatever they believe, know, or imagine is the next stop.
People who are so desparate for relief from a life which is otherwise miserable that they welcome an early exit.
Suicide bombers who are so empowered by a zealous devotion to their religion and righteous cause that death is truly a scared act of sacrifice in a war with the devil (that would be me and you).
The Japansese pilots who invoked the divine wind they called "kamikaze" (sp?) to advance the supremacy of their beloved country and emperor.
My own Mother whose progressive blood cancer disorder put her in an early grave, and who spent her last days quietly and peacefully in the company of people she loved and assuring her pastor that she would be fine -in the ultimate sense of that word.

So far, I've got MILLIONS of examples, and I'm just getting started. Who else, then?

YOU. Me. All of us. Not necessarily at this moment or for even a slim percentage of our living years, but at SOME time in our lives every one of us has come to grips with the fact that while the pain we associate with DYING may be a terrifying idea, DEATH is NOT. So, when we stand in abject terror at the prospect of our mortality, WHY do we fear it?

The short answer is that we fear it because we have been taught to fear it from the earliest days of our lives and provided with mechanisms of denial that tell us either that in the ultimate reality we do not, in fact die, or else that we DO but in the meanwhile should, "eat, drink and be merry" -all while applying or ingesting "age defying" products. The prospect of death -and judgement- have also been held out before us in some effort to compel acceptable behavior. I won't go through the list of cultural messages about death because you -all of us- already KNOW the list.

So, why, then, would anyone NOT fear death and dying? Aside from those who have not yet received the news (the remote tribes, the babes and the profoundly mentally challenged) there is but ONE reason their fear factor is so modest: they have been trained or taught. Your reflexes alone will train you on hot stoves, stinging insects and other such impedimentia but they carry no message about your eventual exit. For THAT, you (all of us) need to be educated and trained. And I will guarentee you that if the only thing you are taught from the earliest days is that death is a peaceful sleep after a life of hard work, and an occasion for joy and happiness, then THAT is what you will believe, absent any evidence or instruction to the contrary.

My point is THIS: it is not the FACT of death which terrorizes us in the middle of the night; it is the combined effect of all the training and teaching within a death denying culture that create terrifying THOUGHTS about death. Long and short: your BRAIN is doing it.

And if it is true that your brain learned about all this, then it is also true that it can "unlearn" it, develop new ways of thinking and feeling, see other points of view, expand your horizons. The problem here is that the sudden appearance of a potentially catastrophic medical "event," tends to catch us when we are least "ready" for it. It is as though we have been on the playground all the day long and NOW must come inside for an exam for which we are totally unprepared!

And thus, "unringing" the mortality bell is damn hard work. True as that may be, it is potentially very rewarding work because we look not so much to a future of uncertain eventuality, but rather to a present life in which the emphasis is not on how well we die -a matter over which we have no choice or control- but rather to how well we LIVE, a matter which is ENTIRELY and exclusively within our control.

All that said, while the CONCEPT of this shift in thinking may be easy to grasp, the practical achievement is another issue altogether. Because panic and anxiety have roots that run very deep, to early childhood, "unringing the bell" is an enterprise tantamount to deprogramming people who have been "brain washed." It requires the attention of experienced and skilled guides, such as psychiatrists, and the company of others to whom the task need not be explained because THEIR journey is OUR journey, and the willingness to undertake an exploration of our lives we never imagined would confront us. Very tough stuff.

I hold out to you that, while the therapy of investigating the past is one which did not reward you on first trial, it is, nevertheless, one which must be undertaken and in the end, WILL be undertaken. The reason for this is that experience in our early and formative years has much to do with how we are right now. Dealing with the here and now may effectively compensate for the effects of those experiences -hypnotherapy as an example- but dealing with the experiences THEMSELVES is indeed an exploration of the past -as we understand that past "here and now." I encourage you to consider it. By the way, the hypnosis can be a marvelous tool to help you confront and deal with those past experiences.

Bottom line: we fear death and dying because we have been taught to do so, and taught to deny it. It is a very peculiar and contradictory situation because, in the midst of this denial, much attention is paid to preparation -financial and estate planning and life insurance, for example; but even those things are couched in very soft terms.

And so, if we are afraid of a death sentence because of training, we can learn to confront it and integrate is as a part of life by the very same mechanism: learning.

Part and parcel of the work of so doing involves and evokes a focus on the importance of life -and what we are doing right now, right here, to make it the best it can be for ourselves, and those for whom we care.

The stiff upper lip? The stoicism? No problem. It is not so important that we speak the truth as it is that we KNOW the truth.

Another pint, then?

[jeblondon]

Hi there, I am really enjoying reading this thread - some of the ideas are quite hard to grasp as a 'Brit' here on the site.  We don't do self-analysis very well!  (Stiff upper lip, say nothing and get with it etc.!)  I'd love to join the debate/conversation but not quite ready for it -
however, a quick question for you -
I have suffered with anxiety attacks in the past and pretty much got them under control by hypnotherapy and using a lot of the techniques you talk about above.  I was very sceptical of hypnotherapy but it worked for me by gettting me to focus on 'here and now' and look forward, not keep rehashing the past (as previous therapy had done to no result)!
I am now aware that I am very anxious again for a very different reason - the diagnosis of a cancer is a very scary place to be.  I am getting along ok and finding amazing support here on this site.  BUT I have had ongoing problems with heart palpitations in the past and they have returned with avengance.
I was awake for 3 hours during last night where I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest with the way it was pounding up into my throat.  It would then go quiet for a bit and just 'bubble and wobble' - only way I can describe it!  As I type this, every so often I get one massive beat that I feel in my upper chest and neck.
Any thoughts?  Sugggestions?  Have you experienced this in the past with anxiety?
I have taken beta blockers in the past but really do not want to start on them again - looks like I will be taking enough meds in the foreseeable future!
thankyou - I really appreciate your help.

[JSGeare]

There being a break in the action, I'll take my leave now and see you again tomorrow. Thanks for the hospitality!

JSGeare

[JSGeare]

Always the easy questions with you, always the easy ones.

Seriously, I "get" what you're saying. Here's the deal, and I'll try to keep it short and sweet.

The notion of dealing with the "here and now" is not so much a permanent or unchanging space occupied by your brain as it is a dynamic "point of view," from which you CHOOSE to "do business" with life as it is.

Can you always take that point of view? Can I? Can anyone?

No. It functions as much as a way to organize your thoughts and feelings as anything else. If you do, of your own will, volition, intellect and common sense see the "here and now" as the only really workable, valid point of view, then it becomes an orientation and framework of understanding to which you can return when everything around you seems so miserably beyond comprehension or control. It is a "let's go back to square one" outlook. You may not always be able to just climb back on -but you will know ehere you WANT to be.

As you have written -in UPPER CASE type- "RIGHT NOW, I feel fine." So I would ask, then what are you going to do with your "right now?" And one thing you ARE doing is to fear what mau happen later on.

(Now, let me pause for a moment and say that you very well may have anxiety issues -as such- that exist as a sort of separate medical situation, and which therefore may be susceptible to anxiety treatment. So a possible "right now" thing to do is pursue that possibility. Perhaps a combination of medication and talk therapy will be very fruitful, so consider a psychiatric evaluation in that aspect.)

Your statements about your children are HUGE. And I hold out to you, that as you shivver with anxiety about possible bad news, your "right now radar" will detect how very precious those kids are and that therefore, the time you spend with them (right now) is also precious. You -none of us- think this way until we hit a challenge which strips away the veneer of denial of our mortality and presents us with the real deal: we love those kids to dickens!

Ridiculous, extreme, pathetic, irrational? I doubt it. As long as we're into the gut-punches or reality, let me toss a few YOUR way. Toss the jive about pathetic, because here are the correct words:

Perceptive, Direct, Courageous, Realistic - a one-for-one substitution of your self characterization with what is really going on. Not one soul -not ONE- will disagree with me. Not because this is some kind of stupid pep talk, but rather, because it is THE TRUTH; the truth about you and about many, who, as we speak, are nodding their heads that YOU, dear lady, have it NAILED. I GAR-ON-TEE that more than one are thanking you for putting into cogent and even chilling prose what they so much have wanted to say.

I will confess that I've been exceptionally verbose in my treatment of this whole subject; what I can tell you -PROMISE you- is that once you "get it" about the here and now orientation, the experience of it will be that the difficulty in discussing and explaining it is not because it is complex -au contraire -it is the utter simplicity that defies explanantion. And "getting it" is not merely an intellectual exercise -it is the "experiencing" of it that drives it home.

Which brings us to your angst about coping. Let me ask you: how do YOU, in fact, cope? You obviously are doing something, because, well, here you are. If you are OK right now, then WHY are you OK right now?  It is just a guess, but my instincts tell me you, actually, mentally surfaced into the present -the here and now- and are taking care of business, being a mommy and doing all the things you do. There is NO silver bullet, no magic trick. For truly devastating episodes of panic, there IS medication that can knock it down. But for "lasting protection," what everyone who overcomes it eventually finds is that a tenable understanding of their lives, values and priorities forms the foundation of an outlook and thought process which MAKES SENSE to them. The answer is where it ALWAYS is -in YOU. The idea of "here and now" thinking and action is that it lets you or anyone deal act on what is within your immediate grasp, and to the extent that you can advance with it, moment by moment, day by day, you extend the reach of your coping.

Let me point out that the here and now thinking is hardly original with me. It is the very basis on which alcoholics and others who are burdened with similar disorders come to understand and deal with life: ONE DAY AT A TIME. And you will find the theme repeated over and over in every quest to meet the challenges which confront us. In time, we all come to understand that after all the dust settles down, "one day at a time" is really the only way that everything is done.

I hope this is helpful.

[ChitChatNine]

Acceptance comes with time .........and, there is no time limit.... that was my obstacle to recovery I put up a timeframe and beat myself up I didn't reach my personal goal.  

The more I wondered why I couldn't accept my diagnosis the harder it was to get past it .. then one day somebody told me there was no time limit for acceptance when dealing with Cancer --  and suddenly I realized I will do all this at my own pace .. first I had to get thru the anger stage ..

I am hoping your biopsy comes back clean .. if not we are here for you .. all of us :)

C~

[dscoochie]

Thank you Cheryl.  I so want to believe that this will turn to strength...

I wanted to add that I feel that although this may not kill me (may not...), I feel it IS definitely killing my spirit.  And that is very difficult to accept.

[ChitChatNine]

I know you didn't use the word "weakness" but your posting brought this phrase to my mind and I wantd to share,

C~

[ChitChatNine]

You may be going through a rough period right now, but trust me you will take what you think is weakness today and tomorrow you will become a stronger person from all you have gone through today  ..

There is no such word as weakness.. only varying degrees of strength!!

Cheryl

[dscoochie]

I am finding that I have to read each part of this thread a few times over in order to fully grasp it all.  It's very detailed and "deep", for lack of a better word (less the nascar bit).

I do like and believe what you are saying, JS.  It makes perfect sense for the here and now.  However, for most who live with anxiety, the here and now is not the problem.  RIGHT NOW, I feel fine.  However, yesterday, and earlier this morning, I felt like my world was crumbling down around me.  I fear that I could start to feel that way again at any given moment.  In a hour, a day, maybe a week, most likely far sooner, as that fear is present always, front and centre.

(Just to give you some background, I had a suspicious nodule that was removed two weeks ago with a partial thyroidectomy.  I am still waiting the results of pathology and have literally been living in fear since October of 2007 when the nodule was found.  I DO  NOT want to die, my young children need me, and I dont want them to *not* remember me, their mother.  I know it sounds ridiculous, extreme, pathetic, but this is how I have been living (some life, huh?) and I fear that this nightmare may have just begun, if the results come back "bad".)

So, given that I am completely irrational (at some times I realize that, and other times, I think I'm completely sane in feeling this way), how do *I* cope with this horrific amount of stress and worry and anxiety?  

[AR-10]

So you're saying I should become a Nascar driver...

Brilliant!!
I'll start practicing with my wife's convertable on the way to physical therapy today. :-)




Sincerely, thank you for the time you took giving my post a thoughtful response. I read it three times (mostly to suck up the pats on the back), and I will read it a few more times to absorb the message and it's intent. I'll read the whole thread again, as I realize you are weaving a common thread into each response.

It's very kind of you to give of yourself here. I am painfully aware of how much time a response the length of those that you are providing takes. I know the last sentence in my post caused you to sit back and think very hard before responding. I will mull over your thoughts and advice.

Then I will assail your inbox such that you think it is an ongoing bot attack. You will be mashing the ignore button furiously. LOL!!!!

Best regards.

[JSGeare]

In a society and culture which tells us we need not wait for what we want -that we can have it RIGHT NOW (and pay later, heh,heh) the wait for test results seems eternal. What does one DO while one waits?

Well, what you do and many others do is think about -and worry about- possible outcomes -THAT'S what we do. This isn't exactly like waiting to see if you passed your driver's license exam. Among the better things you can do while waiting are these:

1. Freely share the discomfort of waiting with fellow travelers who are also waiting. Picture yourself on a train platform, waiting for the commuter train. You lean on one foot, then the other, fiddle around in your case or pocket book. But, if you are able to strike up a conversation with someone else on the platform, the time passes more quickly.

2. Remind your doctor(s) that waiting is an excruciating part of the process and directly ask, "What do I do? How can I handle this?" If he/she starts scribbling something on a pad, gratefully accept it but then add, "what can I do other than take pills?"

3. Find the local support group of real live folks who are also either waiting or at some other point in the process.

4. If you can do it, busy yourself with some activity or interest which supplies IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION. Learn how to decorate cakes (I swear I'm going to do that -I already know how to bake them). Join a book club, take up a Bible (Talmud, etc.) study group, be a volunteer for 2 days a week, learn how to be a bartender, take golf, riding or archery lessons.

5. Do something you never thought you ever would or could do. Learn karate, jump out of an airplane (parachute attached) or learn scuba diving. Go touch a snake or hold a spider. Learn which mushrooms probably won't hurt you. Grow herbs. If you are in a solid relationship -explore new avenues of intimacy (with your partner, I mean). You may think this is silly, but I'm NOT making this stuff up! You now HAVE a great challenge before you, both the extent of your disorder and the process of evaluation and treatment. OK, fine, as long as you have THAT challenge, then give yourself some others so as to:

A) condition yourself mentally to handle challenges (learning, preparing, training, doing, etc.) and,
B) being reminded that, yeah, you CAN deploy your brain and body to accomplish more than you may have originally thought. Trust me, THAT will come in handy.

6. Whaddya LOVE? What's your craving or weakness? Buy more candles, bake more cookies, eat more ice cream, start the wine collection, get a massage or facial or fancy spa get-away, go visit the grandchildren and spoil 'em to death -then, send them back into the nest. Revenge is sweet.

This isn't just mindless pleasure-seeking (not that I personally have a problem with that); this is prep time, discovery time, adventure time. The worst that can happen is you'll get another skin to hang on the shed.

Trust me, trust me, trust me: in the pursuit of these diversions, your brain will be at work, processing, spitting out new ideas, questioning, thinking in consequence of the new situations and challenges you undertake. When you decorate that first cake, who will you give it to? What will the occasion be? What does that mean to you? What does that person mean to you? Your brain will call up memories and ideas as sure as a Wurlitzer juke box at the soda shop.

So, why not YOU respond to this and say, "Hey, I could ... (and fill in the blank)!

[ChitChatNine]

Thanks ...

I often refer people to candles and they come back with positive feedback but next time I'm going to "borrow" some your reply .. WOW again.  

Now that I am emotionally removed from my stressful situation (it is long gone) I crave the intellect.  The next phase of recovery/healing I guess is intellect along the way  .. ut oh .. did I light another match/candle here?

BTW, if you were pregnant you'd be amazing!

Cheryl

[JSGeare]

Scented candles, I think, are an excellent way to create a comforting environment in many stressful circumtances and should be freely deployed as desired. And if they have the effect of "forcing" you to feel good, then by all means load up. So what if your place looks like a fortune teller's tent? In this case, the outlook is very positive.  Various "essences" are also available in aromatherapy kits -they may be added to bath water or boiled off in little pots. I had touched on the idea of appeasing your own sense earlier with certain tasty snacks and foods. When I had been hospitalized for panic many moons ago, I was uneasy with hospital food, but had the most irrepressible desire for dill pickles. They made me feel good. I was not pregnant at the time and don't believe I ever have been.

Let me move beyond the immediate "feel good" thing with candles and other such environmental controls, and speak to the larger issue of WHY they -or anything- might be helpful with anxiety, troubled thoughts and the usual gang of diots who follow us around.

Fact is, your BRAIN is very powerful. If you can observe the positive impact of mere aroma, it means there is something about that aroma that your brain has classified as a very good thing. It is NOT, I say, the aroma that does anything at all, in and of itself. No magical properties, no intrinsic therapeutic value whatsoever. Folks, we're talking about the combustion of aromatic hydrocarbons here; you could just as well float away in a euphoric cloud of tranquility from inhaling auto exhaust fumes -as thousands of NASCAR fans give evidence all season long. And I ask you, have you every seen a poorly adjusted NASCAR fan?

Nevermind.

What IS really working is your noodle, which is triggered by that essence of pond scum or whatever your favorite is. And that should tell you, loud and clear, that when you find ways to talk to your own brain, you can do much on your own behalf to deal with the anxiety. It is not the candles or souped up cars -it is YOU.

Granted, when you are suddenly confronted with a medical crisis, it is not as though you have kept a handy list of all the ways you can flatten the anxiety response for just such an occasion as this. And that is precisely WHY you immerse yourself in anything at all that might appear to offer some relief, either by appealing to the senses or the intellect. I'm not saying to be ridiculous about this, and I will even offer the caveat that the greater the promised effect, the greater the need of hard evidence.

In summary: the key to handling the anxiety is finding the pathways to your brain that allow you to put it to work on your own behalf. For some, the proffered meds may do the job; for others, the meds may create yet another medical situation. Just know this -as the candles show you- your brain, having created the anxiety, is the perfect (and the only) means to relieve yourself of it, as well.

OK?

[JSGeare]

AR10 -and others for whom you speak (vast audience, that): I am personally devastated by your brutually honest and direct expression of what life is like for you, and the wise and courageous caveat that you CANnot or maybe WILL not "accept" it. And I am all the more moved by your narrative, because you are such an incredible resource and great help to others on your forum. It isn't fair, it stinks, what's happened to you and I hate it. Unquestionably, your exquisite rendition will move many whom you have helped to be at your side, as much as that is possible in this "cyber" world. And if that is the only outcome of this 3 day gala, then it will have been well worth it.

Now, to dig in to your material. I think if your carefully comb through my brilliant exposition, ignoring the mist pellings and type ohs, tortured grammar and cryptic punctuation as best one might, you will find that what I have been campaigning for is not so much "acceptance" as it is discovery. And I hold out to you that the process of self-discovery, and self-understanding which inevitably is the result, is well underway with you and the evidence for this is of 2 sources: first of all, your post above -the most compact and powerful statement of your situation -and that of others- that there could ever be. Second, your activity on this forum. I've been keeping a dossier on you, my friend, and can report that much of the well-being experienced by others here is the result of your own understanding, compassion, straight-talk, appreciation of irony and even humor. Show of hands: Who disagrees with this? Nobody.

Your role in life, albeit one that is not of your choosing, has taken a decidely different turn since the onset of the serious challenge you now face and engage on a continuous basis. And you have derived value and meaning by being present to the community of fellow travelers, who, like you, now walk a tortorous path that was not of their own choosing. I personally believe that "acceptance," if sought directly, will almost NEVER be obtained. I have, myself, always been uneasy with the advice to "accept" something which, by its very nature, is unacceptable. What should that word "acceptance" really mean? That it doesn't bother me? That I'm somehow happy with my loss or the threat of loss? That I have achieved some transcendent state of mind which magically innoculates me from anquish, anger, fear and denial? And if it means any of those things, do I just throw a switch somewhere to activate my "acceptance?"

I doubt it.

I promise I am NOT trying to get into semantics here, to pick words which make my line of thought automatically unassailable. And so, instead of "acceptance," I rely on "integration" as some reliable measure of how well we are adapting to our realities. Example: when I was a kid, back before styrofoam cups had been invented, I was TERRIFIED by the concept and mere though of death. I would lie quaking in my bed about this, I would cry out in the middle of the night, "Oh my God I am going to die one day!" I was haunted, haunted for weeks at a time by this, day AND night, well into my young adult years. Now, one must really wonder, why would any normal, healthy little kid aged 6 or so be pre-occupied with such morbid thoughts? Well, the answer to that is a lot of psychiatry, but the upshot is this: Today I am no longer haunted by those thoughts.

Why am I no longer bothered? Certainly not on account of acceptance, that awareness of my mortality is a really nifty idea after all is said and done. And I don't have a get out of jail free card from the Almighty. So ...what happened? What happened was, "integration." Which is to say, finding a fit for the inevitable with everything else that's happening or going to happen, so I can function as best I may. The particular means by which this is accomplished -be it the result of deliberate contemplation or the sudden appearance of a potentially catastrophic disorder, injury or illness, is intensely personal. That said, I believe that the common thread among all forms of integration and adaptation is the discovery of value and meaning in life right this very minute. It boils down to this: "OK, I'm either 'out of here' or very seriously sick and in pain for a long time. So, what do I do NOW?" Exactly. What happens now, today and tomorrow? What can I do about what I can actually reach out and touch? The question, while it may seem trivial at first, is really the most profound encounter with value and meaning there ever was and it is one which is inevitably ANSWERED by everyone -although often, not as a consequence of intentionally thinking about it. The staggering encounter with a medical crisis has a way of "forcing the issue."

As you should be aware by now, if what you (meaning everyone, not YOU AR, individually) want is sweet talk and soft sugary reassurances -I am NOT your guy when it comes to the subject matter now before us. That sweet stuff may be offered and also accepted as sincere expressions of compassion and love and concern. I'll take all I can get, thank you very much. Far better, I think, to deal with the ultimate questions head-on. I say this so you know that what I'm about to say next is not just the result of a terminal case of pep-talk.

To return: it is, always and inevitably, all about RIGHT NOW, because that, really, is all there is at this moment. So, what do you do with the present reality that you have? What YOU do AR, is help other people and in so doing receive feedback about yourself; not just data, facts or information; I'm talking about your process of self-discovery, self-understanding and what "it is all about." And in your case, the news is good. You have become a part of a community which collectively is much greater than the sum of the individual members, and you are building that community, and supporting individuals within it. Acceptance? I don't THINK so, at least, not in the sense that simply move along as though nothing has happened. Trust me, if I knew how to do it, I would come over to your place and kick that nasty stuff right out the door! And if you doctor calls tomorrow and says, "Good news, we now have the cure and can reverse everything and make it go away," would you take the cure? Would all the people who say they have "accepted" their situation jump at the opportunity to get rid of the affliction? I hold out to you that if taking the cure were the measure of acceptance, we would see NOBODY had accepted it.

But that doesn't mean there cannot and should not be understanding and adjustment to the new reality. There can be, and there should be. And that is exactly what you and so many others strive for. It is human nature -even in the worst of situations- to search for meaning and value regardless of what is happening to them. Those who do it well ultimately adapt, and those who don't, or who refuse, have yet another burden to carry. You, and many people on your forum -and many other forums- are helping one another not just face the routines and details of diagnoses and treatment, but also the great and good effort living lives with value and meaning. It is, in the end, all that counts. I do not envy you but I deeply admire you and urge you to continue the good work that lies ahead.

In my next post I'll give candles the "sniff test."

JSGeare

[ChitChatNine]

We are patient on thyroid.  We anxiously await your wonderful replies!  

Seems that is what we do best here .. wait for test results, wait for answers, wait for our meds to work or not work, wait wait wait ... hurry up and wait.  

Do I sound anxious for your replies?  Nahhhhhhhhhhhh you have taught us how to be patient and be stress free as we do it ..... thanks for you update!

Cheryl

[JSGeare]

Give me a moment to read and digest the rich and copious material which has recently accumulated and I shall then attempt an enlightened response (lights candle, sniff's flame. Ouch!)