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Divorce & Breakups Community
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by snowedin, Apr 21, 2008 05:38PM
My wife has been in an emotional affair for several years and is now living with her "lover." She told my two teenagers (18 and 16) that they are living in a two bedroom apartment and that they are room-mates. We are going through a divorce but we are a long way to completion. She just told me that she and her lover will be going out of town for a trip together. My questions are: 1) She is still married to me and is living with another man isn't there something very morally wrong with this...we are not legally separated. 2) Isn't she a fool to tell our kids that they are romm-mates and they won't do anything sexually until she (and he) are divorced. 3) Isn't going away on a trip while she is still married to me offensive to my kids sense of what is right and wrong? 4) How do I deal with her and most important my kids. Thanks in advance.
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(2) She actually discussed her sex life with the kids?! No wonder you're getting divorced...
(3) Yes, her behavior is completely offensive.
(4) You don't deal with her. Keep it strictly legal through the attorneys as much as possible. As for the kids, just be honest if they ask questions about what their mother is doing. They're old enough to understand, but try to take the high road. Divorce is hard enough without putting the kids in the middle of your own fight.
Teko, aren't you divorced yourself? Why are you always making deroggatory statements about divorced people when you couldn't even make your first marriage, the father of your 6 children, work out? And there is a monetary penalty for bailing on a marriage contract, it's called alimony. You can even get alimony if there isn't any infidelity. Men can get it as well as women.
And not everyone gets alimony. I've never heard of someone actually being able to get it from a judge.
Besides, she's right. There should be penalties paid to the person who doesn't want the divorce and wants to try to work things out. My husband didn't want the divorce. His wife just up and left him and their four kids. At the divorce he had to hand her a check for $60,000.00. It's just not right. He didn't want the divorce.
Why didn't he want the divorce? It's been my observation that when a relationship isn't working out, usually both parties know something isn't right. Maybe I am a hard hearted person but I think any man or woman who wants to stay married to someone who doesn't want them, is being very selfish.
Divorce is legal in this country and person should not be penalized for wanting one. Alimony can be agreed upon as long it's justified.
Teko is always making comments about divorced people. I find it funny since she herself is divorced. Divorce, like abortion, is a necessary evil. Sad but true.
The system worked.
Teko, aren't you divorced yourself? Why are you always making deroggatory statements about divorced people when you couldn't even make your first marriage, the father of your 6 children, work out?
Yes, I am divorced from the father of my 6 children. I have made no bones about it. I have talked about it on these forums. Mayflowers, I have lived it, you are absolutely correct! I stand by my statements. I think if divorce had been harder to get, I would have chosen to work thru my problems back then. Marriage and divorce as well as having bab ies and getting abortions are taken way too lightly these days. There are a whole hell of a lot of hurting people out there, not to mention the children involved. I think the only way to put the brakes on it is to make it harder to get married and divorced, with the exception of abuse and infidelity. I am really sorry you do not agree with my statements, you are not alone. None the less, these are my feelings and I do believe I was speaking to snowedin. These thoughts were not directed at you in any way. I think we need to get back to directing our attention to the original poster.
BTW, I think the poster has some control issues. He has posted about this before and is constantly talking about his ex's "morality". He holds a lot of resentment against a woman who left him. To me, it sounds like she was running away from a controlling, possibly abusive, husband. He really needs some therapy and, for everyone's sake, I hope he gets it.
I happen to agree wholeheartedly with you - your wife has no morals. mayflowers is making judgements on things she knows absolutely nothing about.
Obviously your wife and mayflowers think alike - so unfortunately do so many other people in this world today. Cigarettes are legal but it certainly doesn't stop them from being detrimental to someone's health. Divorce may be legal but the damage it does to kids (which I've seen first hand) should still make it the very last resort.
So don't tell me about divorce being legal and the only way to go. Of course, most people believe like you do. Just throw it away. Don't try to work things out. Commitment and a person's word mean nothing anymore.
You sound like a very bitter person. I'm sorry for whatever you've gone through to make you so unhappy.