where to start

[greeneee]

I don't know where to start. This week it has hit me how much my choices have affected and rule my life. Im 22. I started binge drinking every weekend since i was 14, then got right into smoking weed pretty much everyday since i was 15. i then got caught in the rave scene for a good couple of years, spending a good 3-4 days a week flying on e, k or g what ever was around. I stopped going to the raves about 2 years ago after friends really lost the plot. I have drank heavily and smoked weed everyday for as long as i can remember. The thing is my family have no idea, i've managed to get a degree and keep any job throughout everything even though im off guts half the time. I don't know who to turn to or more so where to start. I know i need to do something because i can feel depression starting to set in again. It feels like everyones moving ahead but me. Im stuck in this warp wishing i was 15 with no cares anymore. Although i coped with life and everything, friends, family, work throughout my more hard-core drug phase it seems that the alcohol and weed are ruling my life and its starting to affect everything. Its all i know tho, wake up and get smashed. i h8 it cuz i come from a good family who has know idea the extent of my problems, my mum jst thinks im moody and we dont get along. Ive been with my bf for 6 years and im scared that this is the problem, every night this is all we have done together. Its all i know and im scared to stop---how silly is that?!
This is a very messy splurge of what im feeling, i dont know what i expect from this but i guess its good to get it out.

[catmagnet]

Admitting and realizing you have a problem is your start--you've taken the first step already! You sound a lot like I did as a teen but I'm older now and I regret not stopping sooner. I'm not sure what to say right now except that I wish you the best!!  cat  =)

[Jacqui805]

Well, the good thing is, you HAVE made a start...just by wanting different things for yourself...  You probably need to figure out what the drinking and weed have done for you that holds you..Part of it may be due to something lacking in your life, part of it may be due to it being comfortable to you, what've you've done now for so long..  You have anyone close to you who isn't using and you can trust?

[KirstenHere]

Sweetheart! I feel for you so much right now. My drug of choice is Vic, Pers, and oxy, and I'm on day 3 of cold turkey.
But let me tell you a quick story real fast: I was married to a man that drank all the time. We had a child together and back in 95 I finally left him. He loved his son sooo much but his addiction took over to where he saw his son maybe once a month. Dec. 10, 2005 his dad died from his liver. He was ONLY 39 years old and is now dead. He is not here to see his son get his drivers liscence, go to the prom, graduate high school, and everthing that comes with it.
Hon, STOP not befoer it's too late. It's nothing to mess with. It feels all good and now...but it will eventually catch up with you. My ex was ONLY 39...do you really know how young that is? My son, who is a GREAT kid, no longer has a father. Talk about rough! Do you really want that future? There is help out there for you, I promise! YOu have a GREAT future ahead of you...and if it means getting rid of the b/f...then so be it. You're better than that. I'm here if you need me. God Bless

[sweetmomma_7]

Glad that you posted. This forum has been my life saver, I never thought being on the computer could save my life. I know how you are feeling, I don't drink but was a huge pill popper for 6yrs. I could go through a bottle of 30 percocet in 1 day. I was snorting Oxycontin and doing whatever. Depression sucks,I have it bad or did. Did you try and talk to your Dr. about an antidepressant (sp?) ? I have been taking Prozac and it's been my life saver.

Just so you know there are alot of great people here who will help. Just keep posting and we will help you through this.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

Jess

[sweetmomma_7]

I am so sorry about your ex. That really broke my heart for you and your son. He was way too young to die and I feel for you. Good for you being on day 3. You may not think it's a big deal because you may still feel like **** but trust me 3 days is awesome and you should be very proud. How are you feeling?

God Bless,

Jess

[greeneee]

Well thank-you everyone. I didn;t expect such a response. Reading thru the posts definately helps, enforces that there is hope. I am grateful for your responses, they are a comfort.
Jacqui-thankyou, you are right, i do have to have a big think about why i am drawn to this lifestyle. I havent got many friends who live a cleaner lifestyle, which is of my own doing, i know i pushed away friends who were better for me. My problem is i hide a lot of my life to new people i meet, ive always had problems with opening up. I have a lot of thinking to do and this time i am going to follow thru, its so easy to say im going to change but i think today will be the day. reading and being on this site is motivating me.
Jess- thanx it is soo good to know that someone knows how i am feeling. I am going to see my doctor this week again. a couple years ago i went to him with my issues but i never followed it through.
Kirsten--- your story has touched me. How hard for you. He was so young. Thank-you for sharing it with me, its a big wake-up for the damage i have been doing, makes it all a lot realer. I can't imagine the pain both you and your son feel. Its strange how i know what damages could happen but not to me now. Ur completly right tho it will catch up with me. I think that is part of my battle, i keep thinking i h8 the way im living but im young, i'll worry about it when i have something bigger to care about. But im starting to realise that i need to change now. change my patterns.
i can't imagine how painful it must be giving up addictions such as oxy, keep in mind that u are an inspiration to your son and to people like me on this site.

[Jacqui805]

Just remember to look forward...you can do this, and you have your whole life out before you, to do with whatever you will.  Perhaps getting into something you used to love doing, or something you've always thought about doing would help to break the ice with some people, just by way of association.  If you have major anxiety with people, while I wouldn't want to sell you on anything, there are medications that can help.  Ones that can greatly improve this, and your quality of life.  Whatever the case may be...we're here for your support...

Jacqui