trying to deal with pending divorce...very depressed

[kcdem]

my wife divorced me today. i thought we were going to be ok. i am devastated...i love her so. i dont know what i will do without her....she is all i see. i think she is leaving me for another man.

i feel dead inside, the derealization thing that i see other people post about is the way i feel now. nothing seems to matter.i feel invisable. i am glad that i have started to work on myself and have a glimmer of hope that i can be complete again one day. hold onto what you got, it is what life is all about. i am off the next four days from work and was looking forward to a nice spring weekend with angela, it is all black now. she was my muse and my inspiration; now i am lost. come on prozac, reaching out, therapy, this forum.... save me now.

i will never give up; i have come too far but i am very hurt and lonely. i should have seen this coming but my desire to hold on clouded my vision, but i am done begging, i feel that i have paid my price but she does not see it that way. i will perservere, i will survive, but i fear i will never be the same. we had been together for 8 years she was always at my side, encouraging me and building me up. for the last several months she has been distant and unsure.

i want to thank you all for your support over these last few weeks. i want to get out of myself and keep painting, i will continue to attend my therapy. i will post on this forum and seek help and advice. i feel a huge void, words cannot convey how much i already miss her even though we are still in the same house. she will leave in the next few days, and i am bracing myself for the lonely nights. we have only been away from each other a few days in the entire 8 years. copependency ran rampant and we and i are paying the price.

i have an immense fear of being alone, i do not feel complete without a women at my side. i have a long road ahead of me...but what choice do i have? i cant make her love me again. i am not sure she knows what love is.

well enough touchy feely cra*. I would appreciate any advice from the forum.

i will never give up on love...keep hope alive,,,one day at a time...

kevin
kcdem

[hope_for_more]

Kevin I'm so sorry.  Sometimes I just don't know why things work out the way they do.  Years ago my first husband who was also my very best friend left me.  I know how devastating it is and I wish there was something I could say to make it all better.  Cliche I know but time really does have a way of smoothing things.  

I know that I often felt out of place being around people but it seemed to help in the long run if I forced myself to spend time with others even if it didn't "feel right" or good and I often felt out of place, almost like in someone elses body.  Some time alone was good too, it let me learn to entertain myself and not rely on someone else to be there as my social life.  Again cliche but getting out and exercising did help, it lifted my spirits (some), helped release my frustration and anxiety and gave me some satisfaction in my improved physical wellbeing.  

Eventually I met someone else and found contentment even though when my husband left me I thought it could never happen, that I'd never feel that way again.  I know it can happen for you too.

Again I am so sorry.

[el_dave]

Oh, man, and she was such a fox, too. I'm really sorry, I sure can understand how you'd feel devastated and I don't even know the lady. Well, all I can say for sure is that if your lady doesn't come back, there will be others. Right now perhaps that doesn't help, but later on it will.  in a sense lost my wife many years ago, at least a good deal of her, we really have almost nothing in common any longer, and it does hurt.. I found that by having umpteen girlfriends I could make do, and whaddya know another one came along that fixes me up all by herself. You never know what tomorrow may bring.. we'll hope your tomorrows bring something unexpectedly good to you. Sometimes hopes do come true, it's a fact. If you're ever in the mood to vacation in Florida, stop in Tallahassee, look me up and I'll introduce you to some interesting folks.

-El Dave

[kcdem]

yes she is a fox, and she is my sweetling. your offer and alternative lifestyle does sound like it has some perks. i am not sure though you are the bullett caresser. i love your sense of humor and writing style, and i am sure you could show me a good time there in scarborough country. my sweetling is from melbourne. for now though el_dave i will hold out the hope that my fox can fulfill my needs, i know i should not pin my hopes on a woman....but i am going to give it one last shot, after that who knows, it may be you and me and some senoritas....

kcdem

[el_dave]

Wow, I'm with you a hundred percent, man. The one thing that ensures failure is to not try. And it's always better to repair a house you've been comfortable in than take a chance on a new house.

Gotcha on the bullet caressing "but".. yes, there are dangers, much too real, in my lifestyle. To actually, fully, and completely love two women isn't always easy. I guess it just built up to a point where it was unbearable. I've nowhere near the strength and wisdom you and others I've seen in here exhibit, so you folks are an inspiration to me, continuously.

I'm hoping you and your Sweeling get back into sync, man, that's the best scenario imaginable, at least to my limited vision. Substitutes might get you by, but are not replacements. Got the ol' fingers crossed for you big time!

[el_dave]

Sweeling = Sweetling, of course.  Keyboard problems here (it has a loose nut behind it).

[kcdem]

i would put your strength and wisdom way up there. sorry to steal the sweetling thing...but it is so damn cool. you are the funniest guy on this forum...so honest..so crazy....i love it.

thanks man for your interest and comments.


kcdem

[el_dave]

No stealing involved, I didn't invent "sweetling", Sweetlings did by being just that. Sweetling told me I am "her hero" and calls me "honey", but we both know we will never be together as a pair. Most folks have no concept of the pain that realization brings, or the impossible heights of ecstasy she brings me to when we steal a bit of time for ourselves. I'm suspecting that perhaps you do.

It's true, I am funny looking. However, dogs and children like me, so it's not a scary sort of funny, at least. I've discovered that honesty is indeed the best policy.  It's like, when the Mrs. lost her drives, honesty saved us. I like honesty, it has a much better flavor than, for instance, a Georgie Bush speech. Which reminds me, when writing a Georgie speech, does one include the silent "Duh!" at the beginning?

How's the quest going?

-E.D.

[kcdem]

are you floxy_4U? i got an email and PM from this supposed woman. i think it is you in high heels and a wig.

kcdem


PS sorry about her drives, I know that must be hard, i think it is honerable that you stayed.

[el_dave]

Naw, not me. I'm much too clumsy for high heels. Besides, I can never find any that match my black leather mini. Hey, if you don't want her, I'll.. uh, no, no.. old habits reasserting themselves there.. Sweetling making a morning visit again tomorrow, I'm good. Listen, man, my ol' lady says you're "handsome". After I got done slapping her around for that (purely fantasy, of couse.. the Icepick slaps back!) I was cool with it. If the girls think you're "handsome" and know you're available, some are going to try to get in touch. And you never do know what tomorrow may bring.. other than that it's unlikely to bring grizzled ol' El Dave in high heels and a wig.

Yah, it's honorable, I suppose, especially now. It was nothing when there was a parade of lady friends, you don't trade your Caddy in for a rental or loaner.. but now, with Sweetling, the real test of honor comes. It helps, though, that by doing the dishonorable thing Sweetling would see me in a different light as well. Besides, though the Icepick may not be into the things I am any longer, she has a lot going for her, and I'm lucky she puts up with me. The 'pick was the salsa bien picante on my taco for many years, and is still my anchor in the storm.

Tell floxy_4U hi for me!

-E.D.

[lonewolf07]

What a pair of sexists you are - out chasing foxes.  Do you do this while riding a horse and running with the hounds?   LOL

El-dave, would love to see you in a dress wearing high heels.  Do you have nice legs?
ROTFLMAO

kcdem - getting e-mails and PMs from el-dave in high heels and a wig - it made me laugh.  I hope he was dressed ....

wolf

[kcdem]

i have been busted. wolfie i had to be prepared. i am not chasing foxes though. but i was prepared to start. i already have my wolfie though.....who needs foxes?

kevin

[Hensley258]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Been there myself and it's so hard to deal with when all you can think about is the love you lost.

The best advice I can give you is to focus your heart ache into positive change for yourself. Use it to make you stronger, and move on. The sooner you move on the better.

It may not seem like it now, but you will find love again and this new woman will make you more whole than your ex ever did.

You will recover fine. It just takes time. It seems like you have a lot going for you. Your talented, gainfully Employeed, and your not ugly or anything. Hell if I were a Woman or was Gay, I would be all over you. LOL!

Just try to look on the bright side. This world is loaded with attractive woman and your still young enough to enjoy this fact. Have fun with it. Sometimes the best way to take your mind off another woman is by spending time with many others. It's always worked for me.

Just try to remember that almost all of us men have had our heart torn out and tap danced on by a woman. We survived and so can you.

[lonewolf07]

OMG - Hensley, I thought you WERE female (blushing with embarrassment) LOL Actually, that's a compliment.

kc - yep, you have been "outed".  Those posts did make me laugh though.  You
don't just chase wolves, you dance with them.  Can you howl?   LOL

wolf

[kcdem]

i am getting torn to shreds, this wolf dancin is hard. she is really putting me through my paces...back and fourth,,,womens perogative....i never said that.....it is your fault....you dont know how i feel about him...and so on.

i told jsgeare that she chose me and all is well, now she is pulling this **** again.

hey henley said i was not ugly, that is a start. i will take that and run with it.


kcdem

[xanweaner]

Are you going back & forth with your wife???