3 year old misbehaving

[lornalarae]

My three year old has acted terrible the last few weeks. He constantly screams and hollows at the top of his lungs anywhere we go. The store, people's houses, everywhere. We try to make him mind and try to make him follow through with what we tell him. But he just screams at us, hits us, and won't do anything we ask him. 25% of the time he's a really good boy and will listen to directions. But, 75% of the time he is acting up. We live right beside my mom's house and he's constantly testing his limits on going outside with nobody watching, and stays at the screen door and just constantly (20 times a day) just trying to get out the door. He will act fine and then out of nowhere he will just go off the deep end. We have another child a 1 year old and he listens great. But now the 3 y/o is saying he's a baby, and just is always mean to his little brother. I need help and don't know what to do. Everybody I talk to says there kids didn't act this bad and my mother in law raised 5 boys.

[Wooly25]

I would say he is jelous of your little one.  Maybe try to think of it on a more postivie note.  Spend some extra time with just him (playground, out to eat, movie).  Make the day all about him.  See if that changes his behavior.  As for slipping outside, maybe it's time to get a latch at the top of the door that he won't be able to reach (better safe then sorry).  Time out and a behavior type rewards system I would say is needed (he is old enough to start having some little responsiblities.)  Make him feel like you really need his help and let him know what a good helper he is.  Just ignore the tantrums and reward him like crazy that 25% of the time that he is behaving.  Good luck

[WhatYouMakeMe]

I agree with Wooly about the time outs and responsiblities, spanking never worked on my son.. I spanked him once when he was almost two and he actually laughed at me!  My son is 5 now and I constantly get compliments on how well he behaves, what a relief from those days.  With Jack I had to get down on his level, make eye contact, and say firmly what I needed to say...you'da thought I tried to kill him and I never had to touch him.  I got a book call "Raising the Strong Willed Child" by James Dopson.  It gave tips on raising a child without crushing their spirit...and yes, there was even a chapter on spanking!  It didn't bash any method and it sure helped us.  Also play up the "big boy" its always worked for us.  I wish you luck!

[romme80]

I read this and couldn't help but think it was my sister that was writing this! LOL! I know that it wasn't though. My sister has a little boy that is 3 also, just turned 3 in December. He use to be such a great boy and then his Mommy had a little sister, she just turned 1 on the 13th of this month. Now he runs from them in stores and everywhere. Throws a fit if you say no to him about anything, refuses to eat anything but junk food, yells back at them or anyone that says something that he doesn't want to hear. He is getting in trouble at daycare all the time. He just refuses to listen anymore. We think it is because he is jelous of his little sister. They spank him for everything and I don't agree with that. I use to work at a daycare and I have seen first hand that time out DOES work! I don't know one child that likes to sit in time out. They want to be up and running around and having fun. We often joke that it should be called terrible 3s instead of 2s! Good Luck!

[pertykitty]

my son didnt have a new brother or sister at 3 but was an angel till that age.  what worked was time outs, and every single time being consistent with discipline.  its very tiring but its the only thing that will work.  in the meantime i just did errands without him when i could and we didnt eat out much haha.  

[Jenny100]

I have 7 children and this is what worked for me: Treat him like a baby. ESPECIALLY since he is saying he IS one. I personally think that is the problem.I think he's trying to tell you he wants the attention the baby is getting.Each time I brought home a new baby, I had a 2 year old. I found that the previous "baby" didn't WANT to be a "Big Boy" or a "Big Girl". They saw how much attention the new baby got. They saw that it had all kinds of new toys and gadgets such as seat, swing, bouncer,binky etc.
I have seen people tell their older child--"Dont play with that--it's the babies!" about these things. This makes the child jealous.He/she wonders why the new baby gets all this stuff, and all this attention.Every time, I would let the older child lay in the newborns car seat--(in the house) If they wanted, they could play in the walker, swing in the swing, etc. Whatever they wanted, they could do. This took away the jealousy because they saw, "Oh I can use all this new cool stuff too if I want" I think that some children feel that mommy loves the new baby more if they are denied touching or using all the new babies stuff. It makes them feel like the new baby is more special to mommy.
I even had one child ask if she could nurse like the new baby. I said, "Sure!" She didn't really want to, and she didn't, but I truly believe she was just making sure that I would be "Fair" and she could do it too if she wanted!! As soon as I said she could, that was all she needed to know.
And the reason why I know this method works, is: out of 6 children, (7th is only 7 months) I have honestly NEVER NEVER had one throw a tantrum!! I swear!! NEVER! I've never had behavioral problems of any type.AND my children are all very close and VERY loving with each other. I truly believe it's because I minimized the possibility of jealousy like I explained from the very beginning.
If I were you, I would tell him that "Youre my baby too" Let him "play" baby--let him lead you in showing you what it is he is jealous of and what he wants.
The fact that he is mean to his little brother is further proof he is jealous.
I truly believe that every behavioral problem has an emotional root to it.I really don't believe your little boy is bad or naughty. I really think he is crying out for something he feels is missing---and I think he is just jealous of your 1 year old.
Anyway, I know this is long, but hopefully can help you. :)