Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Divorce & Breakups Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to divorce, breakups, anger, child custody, child support, conflict resolution, co-parenting, dating, depression, friends and family, legal, pets, property issues, remarriage, spousal support, and visitation.
heartbroken
by dad4dezi619, Apr 26, 2008 06:50PM
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years whom i have a beautiful 2 year old baby girl with. we broke up in October of 2007 and it still hurts me every day. I remember good times and always blame myself for the break up. about a month after we broke up she started seeing her ex boyfriend ( her first) and now they live together. I need help in moving on and dont know where to start. I know that its over but cant grasp it. dating other girls hasnt helped, clubbing hasnt helped either.....any advice??????
Post Comment
The fact that he was able to move on so quickly hurt me because in my eyes it belittled our relationship and it made me feel that he meant more to me than I to him...plus I expected him to hurt a lot more! Lol. I also felt that here he is moving on with his life and here I sit by myself....these were the things that I focused on the most---plus all the wonderful times we had (being extremely sarcastic!)!
Unfortunately, the only thing that helps is time. I also believe that you need to mourn this relationship and then let it go...I mean you broke up with her for a reason, right? Please try to be objective when you think about the "good times"....yes there were some but obviously the bad outweighed the good otherwise you wouldn't have ended it.
I know you've heard this a thousand times but getting out and doing things you enjoy really does help. And as far as dating goes...it's probably best not to do that just yet because you more than likely are comparing every woman you meet to your ex. Not good and not fair.
Please believe me when I tell you it does get better...in time. Besides who wants a woman who shacks up with someone so quickly, especially when she has a young daughter to worry about. Your priorities are your daughter and I would keep an eye on the mother and the men she lives with. Your daughter deserves better. Good luck to you.
The big problems that you need to take care of is your obsessing about those good times and the issue of blaming yourself. I'm sure you are twisting every decision you made into a world ending mistake, but you have to remember you were never out to sabotage your life or relationship. And for every great time there was probably more low points where you KNOW you could not take it anymore.
If anything your beautiful daughter is the product of everything that was great between you two. So take comfort that it wasn't all for nothing, it wasn't pointless.
Let me tell you what someone told me, similar to your ex moving on so quickly. It's not right, it's not fair, but it's her problem - not yours. Don't rack your brain trying to make heads or tails of her possible struggles with maturity, or dependency - it's not your problem. And if you make it your problem all you're doing is giving her power, power she probably doesn't even want, over your life. So it's hard, but you need to make the choice: let her control you tonight and the day after and the day after...Or change how you've been living your life for the past HALF YEAR.
I know almost exactly how you feel. But the time for reflection must end. For yourself. For your daughter. You don't need to spend another month trying to figure this out, you need to be tough, b/c your daughter needs her father's full attention and care.
and dating? i haven't been on a date in six months, so i can't help you there : P
Set goals for everyday, reflect on the goals you accomplished for that day. Sleep, wake up early and repeat. It can be done.
I just had to tell you what a great guy you are. Your comment about the little girl being the best product of what was between the relationship....simply beautiful!!! Where do women find great men like you? LOL!! Seriously, that was a wonderful comment and so true! Actually everything you said is true and positive. Thanks! I feel better. :o)
But i just wanted to share with you all that Im married with 2 adorable children, a boy and a girl, my son is 2 yrs old and my daughter is 1 year old. My wife left with my children and havent seen them for a month and now and i am devastated, the i pain that im feeling is unbearable, and its worst than any physical pain i ever experience.
i agree with all the wonderful advice you (everyone) have offered, since this is the second time it happens to me. But for this case is unbeareble for he fact that i have lost three people i loved the most at once compare to the last time.
the main cause of this to happen is that there is too much interference from my wifes family and she can't seem to put her immediate family first. to cut it short it is painful.
i think its hard for you guys to understand what im trying to say as there is a lot of external factors affecting my marriage to name a few;-
first where Samoans,
secondly, the culture is community oriented and the extended family has a saying in a couple
third, my wifes family interference. they literally try to control me.
anyways, the only medicine is time. possibley it might take years for the pain to go aways like last time.
Just except the fact that she has moved on and just try to live your life you'll get over her in your own time.