Nearly 5 year old refuses to poop in the potty

[bbbrennaman]

My nearly 5 year old son refuses to poop in the potty.  He has pooped in the potty before and he knows that's what he's supposed to do.  He refuses to do it.  He'll run to the bathroom and crouch down by the toilet.  I've tried everything (rewards, stickers, candy, prizes, even spanking and taking away privileges).  NOTHING has made a lasting impression.  He's supposed to start kindergarten in the fall.  He is currently in early intervention preschool. He is very bright, but he'll have to be placed in kindergarten inclusion if he can't get this potty thing straightened out.  HELP!!!!

[chikp]

well, I can't promise anything but I was just in a similar situation with a boy I work with.  He turned 5 in November and has been peeing on the toilet since age 3 or so.  No accidents and pretty much independent.  When it came time to poop, he would go to his room, get a pull up, put it on himself and poop.  We tried rewards, schedules and gradual steps; having him poop in the bathroom instead of the living room for one.  We planned on having him sit on the toilet in the pull up and move slowly to pooping on the toilet (properly).  However, he resisted STRONGLY progressing past the point he was at.  He became extremely adept at holding it in for days.  To the point that his teacher reported that he was visibly uncomfortable at school and said that he was having trouble sitting in a chair.  As soon as his mom put him back in a pull up he let it all go.  

A doctor recommended that she mark a day on the calendar as "Goodbye Pull-ups Day".  They gave him a few weeks warning and did not push the issue in the mean time, just pointing out occasionally that January 7th (or whatever) was goodbye pullups day.  At one of our sessions we wrote a goodbye letter to the pull ups thanking them for helping him poop, but letting them know that they were no longer needed.  He was not at all excited about this idea, but everyone was even keeled about it and he got the idea that this was really going to happen.  

On the morning of the big day, he and his mom got up and put all of the pull ups in a bag and got rid of them.  He has pooped on the toilet consistently ever since.  It has been about 4 or 5 months so far and he is absolutely fine with it (knock wood).  It sounds ridiculously simple and we all had doubts, but I have to say it worked.    

[MJIthewriter]

I wonder if that idea worked because it was a set, scheduled and tangible change?

I listened to Temple Grandin speak at a conference years ago. Sometimes she had to physically walk through doors to denote transitions in her life.  She mentioned that in one of her books too. I guess by making that day, planning ahead, you made the transition very real to him.

I don't remember how I was potty trained. I remember having a potty chair and thinking the big toilet looked too big and scary to sit on. Somehow I made the transition...  I think #2 is harder than #1 because it takes longer and more effort to do. If he's holding it in, then it makes the process even worse.

[SueNYC]

My son was about to turn 4 , and though he never had an y accidents and would do No. #1 w/o any problems.  He deamnded a diaper for No. #2.  We bought one of those electric motorcycles - left it in the box - and said no motorcycle until you give up the diaper.  After two days - he wanted it so bad - problem solved.