Is it possible that my three year old has been sexually abused?

[mthrof2]

I am a mother of two boys, lately I have been noting that my 3 year old son has been saying and acting out sexual tendencies, such as taking his clothes off more that normal and touching his penis to the point that he becomes erect.  The other night I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and I came out to the living room to get them ready to eat.  I walked in and saw that my 18 month old son had no pants or diaper on.  I looked behind the chair and saw the my three year old didn't have his pants or underware on either.  I panicked and quickly to my 3 year old to his room while dressed my 18 year old. Could this be a sign that he has been sexually abuse and now is acting out by doing this?  I asked him why he was doing this and he replied that he was playing.  I asked him who was playing with him like that...he mentioned someone from his dads' side of the family. Please help!!  

[RockRose]

Honestly,  it doesn't sound much like your son was molested.  

But if you weren't the mother of both boys,  I think you'd be very upset that your 18 month old had been molested by your three year old.  But you don't seem to be.

Boys are very sexual creatures.  Keep watch over them,  and supervise them well,  and all will be fine.

[Jen813]

I have to tell you that I think that your son is just acting out in a natural healthy way.  By the time that a boy hits 2 and a half or 3 they become very interested in their bodies and how they work.  As hard as this might be to think about (because after all your son is only 3), they begin to realize that when they touch themselves certain ways certain things happen.  It isn't by any means sexual, it's just a way of self discovery.  It's very normal, and actually it's a very healthy sign.  You will want to teach him when this is appropriate and when it's not (such as it's not okay to do this kind of thing at the grocery store), but you have to let him explore or he may end up being very self conscious of his body later on.

As far as your 18 month old is concerned I wouldn't be worried that your son was doing anything...again it could be that your son was undressed so he thought his brother should be too...or that your son figured that his brother might be as interested as he is.

I have 2 boys (one is 5 and one is 3), and they both have gone through/or are going through this very thing. I hope that this helped.  On the other hand if you are really really worried about it take him to his pediatrician.  He/She will be able to tell you more about whether or not it's healthy exploration or if there is something else to worry about (they will know by the way he acts and talks about it and what not...they know better what to look for).

Anyway, I hope this helped ease your mind a little bit.  If you do a little research about kids and the stages they go through on the net you should be able to find quite a bit of info on this topic and what happens at what ages.

[mthrof2]

Thank you very much for the feed back.  I actually did some more research and all of this has put my mind at ease. Thank you!

[AnnaE]

Why did your son mention the relative, if this meant nothing? I guess his reason could be innocent.

I never had a boy. But I learned something from this. Men must be really obsessed by that part of their body, and it starts early. I am trying to be funny. Because of my abuse, I don't have much experience with men. But I have always heard that is all they think about. I believe that women also think about sex a lot. Personally, I do. Little girls explore their bodies, also, and have curiosity about their mothers' bodies, I have heard.

I am glad to think that all is well with your boys.

[katarina777]

I would keep an eye on it if I were you. Why questions don't work well. Sometimes, what works better is to guess, and they will respond if you are on target. Of course you need to be sensitive but I think as a mother you are in the best position to tell and know. Ask about things at many different times and also when it's informal and/or they are not really paying attention, like when he is playing with toys.

My advice to you is to not talk with a therapist or health professional at this time. You need to remember that you will know much better than anyone else if you really care to find out the truth. (and that includes both ways)

I have two boys myself and yes, they are always over-sexed, right from the beginning. but what you told about him taking of his brothers diaper and his own clothes, that does not sound right to me. It may be, just keep an eye on it.

It's also important for you not to compare your son with boys in general but to compare him with himself. if his behavior has suddenly changed, that is significant.

I recommend that at this time you speak with strangers like us, and observe. if you bring it up close to home, they will immediately jump on it, and that can be very wrong, and very ugly, and you also want to keep this person your son mentioned protected unless you are more sure yourself.

[mslkpage]

Sometimes I think the worst (a hazard of my job), but I think there are some red flags here. You need to talk to your 3-year-old more about this relative and what the "playing" involved. Get a doll- Cabbage Patch knock off or whatever- and ask him to show you what the relative did to him, where he touched him and where the relative had your son touch him. Be sure to use words/terms that your child understands. I certainly hope nothing happened, but I wouldn't assume it just yet.

[AnnaE]

I am very grateful doe your comments.

BTW your baby is adorable.

[mslkpage]

Thank you!  I think it's better to err on the side of caution in situations like this.

It took a long time and a lot of heartache to have my son...I think he's pretty cute too. =)