5 year old son vs. kindergarten

[ltlemama]

Our son is the youngest of 3 boys (13, 10 & 5).  My oldest 2 boys have never been in trouble in school & get raving reviews from every teacher/coach.  My 5 y/o started  K this year & has already been to the principal so many times that she threatened him with OSS.  I am at a loss for ideas on how to handle him.  My oldest 2 boys are passive & dont do anything that would possible get them in trouble.  It drives my husband crazy that they let kids shove them around.  He would jokingly tell them he would pay them to just once put the other kids in their place.  They just don't have that type of personality. Now  3rd one comes along, he has always hung with the big kids/grew up on a football & baseball field.  He has been ready to play ball since he could walk.  He doesn't take any **** from anyone & is not afraid to get in trouble.  Some of his outbursts were when a girl moved his magnet from a center he was in to put hers there; he shoved her & called her a bad name.  Spent 2 lunches in office with the principal, next a boy was picking on a girl he liked so he followed him to the bathroom & pulled his shirt over his head & hit him, then poked him with a pencil the next day, next he called a boy a bad name because he smashed his sandcastle at play time & this week he bit a boy that was tickling him on under the arms when he asked him to stop & the boy didn't.  It seems that all of his problems come from reactionary impulse.  When the teacher or I ask him WHY he always says, "I don't know".  He never denies anything & doesn't try to sugar coat it at all.  Even if he thinks the other child started it, he doesn't imply that.  His answer is always "I don't know why".  The school gives him times out for every instance and also makes him spend time in the principals office.  We discipline him at home by taking away games, tv, etc. I don't want him to get OSS at this age and think that it is nothing or we are going to have a real tough time when he gets to high school. Help?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You and the school have to joing forces in a syatematic plan to eliminiate the aggressive behavior. They are correct in timing him out each time he behaves in even the slightest aggressive fashion. And there should be a daily report home giving you information about his compliance with rules of safety at school. If he has earned a time out at school, he should receive a time out at home as well, along with loss of a valued privilege that day. A good example might be the opportunity to play outdoors. On the positive side, he should earn the privilege to play outdoors if he has acted in a safe manner. There is little point in asking a five year old why something occurred. Suffice it to tell him to Stop It when it comes to aggression, and establish an absolute prohibition against aggressive behavior. Such external structure, limit setting and discipline will help him achieve improved impulse control.