Anxiety and now DEPRESSION! Any suggestions

[Autumnx1003]

First of all, I want to say thank you to all who have responded to my posts in the past, and for those reading this post now.  This community is such a great resource for people like me (us) and I'm glad that it is here :)

On to my delimma...

Wow...so, I have finally gotten a hold of my anxiety somewhat.  I had a complete medical workup, even wearing a holter monitor for 48 hours, and everything came out fine.  As I have been told over and over again---all of my bothersome symptoms (heart racing, trembling, etc) are just anxiety.  I have come to accept this as truth and I am ok with it.

NOW---I have another problem, though:  DEPRESSION  I have never considered myself a depressed person---I have always managed to feel positive, even during the worst anxiety---but this time I feel different.  Ever since this latest bout with anxiety (over my heart), I have been having the worst feelings.  I feel empty, pessimistic, like I can't get excited about anything.  I have lost a lot of joy in the things that used to make me smile. And I'm crying all the time---at the drop of the hat.  Plus, I have a wierd nausea that I get accompanied by a wave of the depressed feelings.  it's like, I can feel good for a few minutes, then I get this sick wave come over me that all is bad in the world.  This feeling is even worse than the anxiety! it is unlike anything I have ever experienced.

And, to make matters even worse, my period is late this month...right now, just over a week.  I'm sure I'm not pregnant because I have had such little interest in sex the last 2 months (with everything going on).  Ok--I take that back---it's not a total impossibility, but I'm pretty sure it's not that.  I have never been this late before, and the only thing I can think of is that it is related to all the stress I've been going through.  Which--also sucks, because being late is also making me stressed (I just hate going to the doctor, and I dont want to go back thinking that I have some new female problem to worry about).  This is one time I just cant wait till my period comes (how wierd it that!)  And, of course, I'm wondering--if it is stress, when can I expect it to start up again?

OK---I'm telling too much now...
The reason I'm posting this is because I would like to hear from some of you the ways that you have handled/are handling your depression/anxiety.  What are some your experiences with medication (particularly Celexa)?  Any natural supplements like St John's Wort or SAM-e or Holy Basil?  Good books (I am presently reading The Anxiety & Phobia workbook, as well as Hope & help for your nerves by Claire Weekes)?  

Whatever positive you have to offer, I REALLY NEED to hear it right now!  I have an appointment next week to start therapy, and my doctor has given me Celexa--which I havent taken though, because I rellay do not want to go on meds if I dont have to (I am 29 and have not tried them yet---even though my anxiety has been a problem all of my life).  

I just need to hear some stories---something that will make me believe that I am going to get through this and be my happy self again.

Thanks!  

[greenlydia]

So, taking this one step at a time..........you have finally come to accept that your heart "problems" are in direct correlation to your anxiety and you are fine with that. That is very good news indeed! And if I'm correct, you are on no anti-anxiety meds? Even more good for you! There are many here who would be interested in knowing how you handle your anxiety without drugs. Share!

Everything you describe in part two of your narrative certainly points to a bout of depression. It's a very miserable place to be, isn't it? The world turns black and white and it feels like your walking under water, not caring about anything but crying over everything. What has been going on in your life in the past few weeks.....months? Can you think of anything, or a combination of things, that could have brought you to this state of mind? Has there been a death in the family or a close friend, a divorce, a lost job, a new job, a move to a new house/city/state.........any major change in your financial situation? You don't need to divulge these things to us, just consider them.
Depression, like anxiety, usually doesn't happen without a reason. I personally have only had one real bout with a major depression and that concerned the death of my mother, the cause was very evident. That it didn't "appear" for almost a year after her death took a bit of investigating on the part of my doc and therapist. I say that in the possibility that perhaps your depression is not of "recent origin" but something that has been brewing in you for awhile. Just a thought.
Then you add into this mix the possibility of being pregnant. But you think it's fairly unlikely. Have you taken a home pregnancy test yet? Easy enough to rule in or out the bun in the oven factor. And stress can most certainly affect your cycle. My periods were never regular, so I never knew if I was a week or a month late! I do know that during the worst of my anxiety/panic, I would skip an entire month and then some. The one thing you say that gives me a little pause is when you mention nausea. It was not my experience to have any nausea when I was depressed, but we need other folks who understand and have dealt with depression to wade in on this. Perhaps it is very common to have nausea. I'm just wondering if it could be morning sickness. Have you ever been pregnant before? If so, did you have morning sickness then?  If this missed period is related to your anxiety/depression, I wish I could tell you when it might kick-start itself, but I really can't say. My guess would be when you calm down/relax or else it will just happen when your body/mind tells it to.
My humble advice would be to take a home pregnancy test and get that question solved. It might help clear up some of the anxiety/depression you're dealing with, and it might be just the ticket to get your cycle going again if that "concern" is off your mind. I would then suggest when you begin therapy next week, discuss all your feelings about taking medications. Since I believe it was your regular doc who put you on the Celexa, I would wait and talk with your therapist about beginning that medication. And I would certainly wait to find out if I was pregnant before taking ANY med! One more week of holding off will not make that much difference in how you are feeling.
And while I applaude your desire to deal with these problems from an herbal standpoint, you must be very, very careful with them as well. Self-treating with SOME herbal remedies can result in dangerous outcomes and most certainly do NOT mix ANY herbal supplement with a prescribed drug without first checking with your doctor! I can't empathize THAT enough. St.John's Wort and SAM-e are often mentioned as two of the most common contraindicated herbs to mix with scripted meds.
If your doc and therapist agree that a course of meds is indicated to help you get back to feeling like your old self, and you want to try to do it "naturally," then go to a highly reputable Naturopath and make sure everyone involved in your health care is aware of anything you are taking.
I truly believe you're going to be fine. 29 I think is a good time to have a bit of depression, if one must. Perhaps it's something as simple as fearing leaving your twenties and joining those of us in the over 30 and "can't be trusted" group!" I AM poking a bit of fun at you now, but by no means am I taking your concerns lightly. I feel very confident that after you see your therapist, even thought one visit is not going to "cure" you, you will feel better because you are DOING something as opposed to just sitting there worrying about everything.
Don't know if this was the "positive" post you were hoping for and I'm sure there will be others who respond with more or better advice, but please keep us informed of how you are, OK? We care.
Peace
Greenlydia

[Autumnx1003]

Thank you so much for your response...I truly TRULY appreciate it :)  It is just so nice finding others who understand and care.  As for the pregnancy, I just took a test and as I suspected it was negative.  So---hopefully my body will start cooperating soon...sigh.  As you mentioned, there have been many changes taking place in my life lately, and I know that they are all very related to what I'm going through.  New job, graduated grad school, and all the health anxiety over my heart (sparked by one really bad incident of tachycardia that made me think i was a goner!)---not to mention my military hubby is trying to decide where we---or he--will go next year.  We could move to another stateside location OR he could go away to Japan for two years, while I stay in the states and work.  Add to that---there's a good possibility they will ship him back to Iraq wherever we go next because he has not been in a few years.  So---there's a definitely a lot on my mind.  I guess I am just so bummed because it all never got to me so badly before...bad enough to affect my periods even!  I have dealt with two Iraq deployments, multiple job changes and moving back and forth across the country---yet, somehow I was stronger then I guess.  

Anyway, thank you again for your response, and I will surely keep you updated :)

[greenlydia]

Well for crying out loud girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You didn't mention half the stuff you've been dealing with and you wonder WHY you're feeling depressed! I'd be in a mental ward if I was going through what you are/have!
I can't offer you an explanation as to why all of this is coming down on you like a ton of bricks NOW when, as you say, you've handled it just fine in the past. Perhaps you have simply grown weary of the constant uncertainty? Being a military wife is hard. My sister-in-law did it for 30 years and I know the toll it took on her! You are looking at some incredibly major changes in your life in the NEAR future and have just dealt with some other incredibly major changes in the RECENT past. Graduating from Grad school............excuse me! Like THAT wasn't a major stress! (And congratulations, by the way!) A new job! HELLLOOOOO! A husband who may end up back in hell and you to sit here freaking out, or not see him for two years while he's Japan...........why don't you just stamp the big red letters "SM" on your forehead for STRESS MONSTER? (OH, but if you do that, better avoid certain "districts" or they'll think you're into something kinky!)
Do you have kids? Is that why you would consider staying stateside when hubby went off to Japan? (It's why my sis in law stayed here, she didn't want to take them out of their schools) But in those two years, she only saw my brother twice! Hard enough for her, but the kids were devasted. Or is it due to the new job? Is it just too good to give up? Could you not do it in Japan? The cost of living there is outrageous, even if your lucky enough to get base housing!
I think your depression is very logical, which even I must admit sounds incredibly stupid to say. But you have every right in the world to feel depressed. It may be a good idea to see a therapist even tho you know the reasons why............simply talking them out will help you sort them into neat little piles..........makes it a bit easier to deal with. And it sure sounds like you could use a shoulder to lean on right now.
They say the only constant in life is change.........and while that IS true, sometimes those changes come at us too fast and furious and then life turns into a game of dodge ball with blindfolds on!
I wish you the best my friend and hope you find your path soon, you need the rest!
Let us know how (and where) you are!
Peace
Greenlydia