I'm crashing, falling apart. I don't know what to do..

[dmbfan07cb]

I am so confused.  I have no idea if this is my anxiety, or something else.  I feel fine as long as I'm lying down or sitting down, but once I stand up I immediately feel a fast heart rate 120+. It will normally go down but it always stays over 100 while I'm standing.  Sometimes I get pressure in my head and feel faint also with standing up or walking up stairs.  I admit that I am very anxious about standing up, almost everytime I start to stand up all I'm thinking about is how my heart rate is going to increase and I might get dizzy. This leads me to think its spawning from my anxiety.  I presented this problem to my most recent Dr. at the ER and he said it sounds anxiety related.  But from doing some research it also sounds like I could have PO.T.S.. I don't know what to do, I cannot get any further testing than what I have already had (several blood tests, 4 ekg's, 1 of the ekg's was during a panic attack with my heart rate at 160+, 2 chest x-rays and a 24 hour holter monitor).  It seems like anything bad would have shown up on one of those tests.  I do not have health insurance nor do I have any money.  I am living with my parents and anytime I mention I think something may be wrong they get really angry and say that if THEY have a heart attack, it's going to be my fault, because I am causing them so much stress.  My sister doesn't want to have anything to do with me because she is a nurse and I ask her things sometimes and she gets annoyed.  I will say that sometimes when I'm in a good phase and my anxiety isn't so high I don't notice a fast heart rate upon standing.  But again I'm also not feeling for it.  I've gotten to the point where I'm taking my pulse atleast once every couple minutes and sometimes even twice a minute.  I've wore out my welcome at the ER, everytime I go they give me blood tests, ekg and a chest x-ray and when they see i'm not dying they discharge me.  My regular doctor associates EVERYTHING with my anxiety, I tried a second opinion and she associated it with anxiety as well.  Could anxiety cause the symtoms of POTS, since I am obsessed over my heart rate.  And if I do have POTS what could I do without a DR.  Because I obviously cannot even get a DR to ackowledge anything actually be wrong with me, even if I could afford to go back.

I'm already going to have to file bankruptcy, I have $6,000+ in ER visits and thousands of dollars I still owe to my regular doctor and I am not able to work a job and my family, at this point, wants nothing to do with it, or me I fear.

What am I going to do......

[dmbfan07cb]

Anyone have any advice or anything, I need it desperately...

[nursegirl6572]

I think, and I think YOU know this is your anxiety.  Especially when you say that when you are not thinking about the heart rate, you don't notice the symptoms.  These are all very REAL symptoms...search my post history and read what I wrote eariler today about the physiology of a panic attack.  That may give you some perspective as to why your symptoms are so real and so unsettling.

You are right when you say that pretty much anything big and bad, cardiac wise...would have been evident through all of the extensive testing you have had.  But, obviously, your panic/anxiety is at an extremely high level right now, and you need to contact your doctor, ask for the soonest appt so that you can start tackling this anxiety in full force.  When you finally get the anxiety at a more liveable level, you will notice a HUGE improvement in the "cardiac" and other symptoms.

I understand you are between a rock and a hard place with the money situation, but you obviously need to do something.  Is there anyone who could help you financially, just with a few visits to the doctor, and any prescriptions?  Look in your local phone book, they often have mental health crisis numbers and/or info hotlines.

You need to address the anxiety.  In the meantime, please try to reassure yourself that nothing is wrong....try NOT to stay so focused on the symptoms, try distracting activities.

Best of luck, I hope that helps a little bit.

[dmbfan07cb]

I laid down for a while and cooled off and just thought about how good I have it compared to peple with severe problems, drank about 24 oz of water and watched CSI.   After that i got up and everything was fine, pulse rate under 100.  I shaved, took me about 10 minutes, checked my pulse throughout and it never got any faster than about 110.  So either I'm very dehydrated or I'm really stressed.  I think it's both.  

On an average day I drink about 4-12oz of water at best, 1 can of sprite and a swig or two of apple juice from the bottle. (i'm the only one who drinks apple juice)

That doesn't sound like enough to properly hydrate me, but I usually pee almost clear, it's got some yellow tinge to it. (sorry if i was gross)

  I also notice if I check my pulse and look at my watch to get a reading it speeds up.  That has to be from anxiety.  I'm so nervous it's going to be fast it actually speeds up.  If I'm not so anxious I actually feel pretty good.  

I hat having this anxiety disorder.  So many ups and downs.  Glad there are people here who care and try to help :)

[crumy]

We are glad that you are on this site, there are so many people here who can give you great advice and help you to stay focused.  My first thought is that you are way to absorbed in yourself, i don't mean to sound so rough, we all tend to focus on ourselves when we are feeling lousy, trust me i know, but i want you to calm down, don't worry so much about your heart race, just wake up in the morning, try to set some type of plan for the beginning of your day, something that will make you happy, and go and enjoy it.  if you start to feel a little anxious, sit down try to deep breath and try to stay relaxed, you will be okay.  I do feel that you need to get yourself if you are not already on some anti anxiety medication rite away, if you are then you need to change it.  As far as your parents are concerned, i know its hard for people who are okay to understand what you are going through but they need to know that this is a serious condition that can be treated, but SHAME ON THEM1  You can do this all by yourself and don't worry about what they think.  YOU ARE STRONG AND WILL BE OKAY1

CRUMY

[JSGeare]

Something tells me that if you are 22, and still living at home, and don't have an income, and maybe are not going to school -we have all the ingredients for a fine anxiety stew that may have been simmering your YEARS.

Yes?

So here's the game plan: you call the mental health section of your local health department and lay it all about -about the panic, the lack of funds -the whole she-bang. I'm guessing that in addition to whatever meds you might get, a course of therapy to restart your jets might be a good idea. There is a possibility that you may qualify for some state or local assistance, but what you need to do is bet a "buddy" inside the health or social services department. If money is an issue regarding meds, see my journal about low cost/no cost meds. If its tough for you to drive yourself or take public transpportation or whatever, see if a friend will help you.

Now as to your parents, ahem: It seems possible to me that their index of sympathy may go UP in accordance with whatever positive steps you are taking to get this problem handled. You don't jump through hoops just to please them, but realize that what they have observed is a lot of back and forth to the ER and no traction (yet). Your sister, whom I should think would be sympatico about all this, may be useful in helping you locate resources such as I have mentioned. I am NOT happy with your family's attitude about this, so anything you can do to get independent, third party verification that you are not making this stuff up is a good thing. I can assure you that if lived near you, I would over there in a flash to assist you in whatever way possible.

I can promise you this much: the mere formation of a plan -a course of actions with steps A, B, C ... etc., will help you get some focus on activity as opposed to heart rate. And the doing of the plan, step-by-step, is your initial move toward the exit.

Stay in touch here, let us know what you're doing. We're riding with you on this, buddy.

[nursegirl6572]

JS cheerleader here....applauding and nodding furiously while reading his post!  :0)

I agree 200% with what he said.  Your parents are frustrated for the exact reason JS mentions, and of COURSE they prolly despise that you are suffering.  When *I* was first diagnosed with a PD, my VERY "scientific", "logical" father just couldn't grasp WHY in the h3ll I couldn't just "snap" myself out of it....and he used to get MAD at me for sitting in my room ruminating.  In some ways, he was being harsh, and didn't understand the disorder (still doesn't actually)...in other ways, he wanted me to pick myself up by the boot straps and help myself.

Your parents care, trust me.  Maybe if you start being proactive about getting the proper treatment for the anxiety, you will notice a change in them.  I actually bet you will.  And, like JS said, your sister is a great resource to have around...she may able to help you get to the right agency that will be able to get you the care you need.

I was so glad to read your last post....you really are starting to find that positive attitude that will help you to conquer this.  And, hopefully, you have reassured yourself that you ARE truly healthy and nothing is wrong with your heart.  I would doubt that you are dehyrarted either, but drinking more fluids will definitely help you to feel better in the long run.  And hey!  What's wrong with using a glass for that apple juice??!!  ;0)  Naw, I'm only kidding.....

You are doing well....please let us know what you find out about the resources available in your area.  Call every # in the phone book if you have to.  You will find the right agency.

If you REALLY do not know where to start...call one of your local psychiatrist's office, briefly explain the situation...they should be able to give you some information.

Stay strong, you are making great progress already!

[suzi-q]

I understand your fear...I understand becoming totally obsessed with something (your heart rate)...mine was cancer.  

When you have severe anxiety (and possibly depression) you tend to focus on something to irrationally worry about.  My first concern in reading your post was if you had high blood pressure.  However, that definitely would have been picked up by all your doctor visists.  I know that anytime I go to the doctor and even see that machine, my heart races!

You also have WAY too much time on your hands.  When you don't have other things to focus on, you will focus on yourself.  May I ask why you aren't working?  If it is becuase of your anxiety condition, there are ways of getting medical assistance.  Use some of your time to find ways of getting what you need.

My parents didn't want to hear it anymore either when I was going through my time.  I think it was out of fear that I may be sick and they didn't want to entertain the idea.  However, I was still forcing myself to go to work every day.  

You are 22 years old and need to start taking care of yourself and supporting yourself.  That could be another reason why your parents are so fed up.  Get the help you need and start living your life.  You are young....you have your whole life ahead of you.