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Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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BPD sibling
by Grub197, May 02, 2008 04:34AM
Not really sure this is the appropriate website for this question but will give it a try!
I'd like more information from people who have BPD siblings, and how they cope with it all. A brief history if I may - I have a sister, aged 38 (I am 35), who has had behavour problems since I can remember. She's never been 'diagnosed' with BPD - according to her, she doesn't have a problem (everyone else's fault when things go wrong, and they often do) and would therefore never seek help.
Even when we were children, she was somewhat 'different' to me, was always seeking attention, extreme moods - between total love/infatuation with people, to utter rage and hate - life and soul of everything (and parents admit that they 'pushed' her to perform). But she can also be extremely loving and caring and will bend over backwards to help those in need. She's done this for me a couple of times recently, and the attention I've got from her has been second to none, she is wonderful when she's in this mood.
I've walked on egg shells for most of my life, as our parents always wanted to keep the peace, but they now live 250 miles away and I'm the only close family member living near to my sister (others across London but don't visit often). My sister has had numerous relationships, loads of dodgy boyfriends. She has had 5 children from 3 different fathers, the first when she was 17 years old (a boy, adopted by our own mother and father because my sister couldn't cope).
Sister is married now but separated from my brother in law a few months ago. I lived with them for a bit and I couldn't believe the horrible things she did to her husband - to be honest I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did. He left the family home because she called the police and accused him of beating her up -she demonstrated his attack to me and as part of the whole act had to whip her boobs out - we were in front of people at the time (Christ!). I don't know what happened between them but I'm convinced he wouldn't do this - he's not perfect but there's no way he would be violent to her. She often vilifies (sp?!) people and everyone in the family (and her friends, not many, and most don't stick around for long) know's how frustrating she can be. Very manipulative, with a manic temper, sometimes physical.
She attempted suicide when she was around 15. She was/is a pure rebel (lol) - started sleeping with men when she was about 13 and often disappeared for days on end whilst raving on drugs in fields!
Anyway, she might have just had a 'colourful life' as my Dad puts it (in denial? We went for family councelling years ago but it didn't last), and I certainly don't want to stick a label on her, but recently her mood swings are dreadful and I'm regularly accused of 'abandoning' her. She expects things from me and often refers back to the time when she helped me. It's very much a 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours' - she never lets you forget!
One of her daughters (a twin) was living with the father's grandmother for awhile but is moving back to the family home this weekend. My niece is profoundly deaf (fluent in sign language as is my sister/other neice) but has additional needs (ADHD) and I'm worried that my sister won't cope. She's never bonded with this twin like she has with the other one (very close, almost like friends rather than mother/child - twins are 12 years old - and moved her out of the family home when the child was 7. Sister often says, when she tries to defend her decision, "I looked after her for 7 years, now it's someone else turn".?! My Mother and Father get that from her about my first nephew, as if it's like their responsibility to bring the child up! I often get "you're a bad Aunt" and she uses her children to get back at us - one minute they are props/weapons, the next they are vulnerable and alone!!
Anyway, the twin's Grandmother cannot look after the girl anymore, and so she's moving back home. Our family are worried about this, for the child's sake more than anything.
I feel better about talking about this! Sounds like I'm blaming my sister myself! But as much as I love my sister, and I do very much, I can't be her everything anymore, I'm exhausted, feel guilty constantly, feel wrong and manipulated all the time. I'm just fed up! Thanks for listening to my drivel! And apols for spelling :O) x
I'd like more information from people who have BPD siblings, and how they cope with it all. A brief history if I may - I have a sister, aged 38 (I am 35), who has had behavour problems since I can remember. She's never been 'diagnosed' with BPD - according to her, she doesn't have a problem (everyone else's fault when things go wrong, and they often do) and would therefore never seek help.
Even when we were children, she was somewhat 'different' to me, was always seeking attention, extreme moods - between total love/infatuation with people, to utter rage and hate - life and soul of everything (and parents admit that they 'pushed' her to perform). But she can also be extremely loving and caring and will bend over backwards to help those in need. She's done this for me a couple of times recently, and the attention I've got from her has been second to none, she is wonderful when she's in this mood.
I've walked on egg shells for most of my life, as our parents always wanted to keep the peace, but they now live 250 miles away and I'm the only close family member living near to my sister (others across London but don't visit often). My sister has had numerous relationships, loads of dodgy boyfriends. She has had 5 children from 3 different fathers, the first when she was 17 years old (a boy, adopted by our own mother and father because my sister couldn't cope).
Sister is married now but separated from my brother in law a few months ago. I lived with them for a bit and I couldn't believe the horrible things she did to her husband - to be honest I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did. He left the family home because she called the police and accused him of beating her up -she demonstrated his attack to me and as part of the whole act had to whip her boobs out - we were in front of people at the time (Christ!). I don't know what happened between them but I'm convinced he wouldn't do this - he's not perfect but there's no way he would be violent to her. She often vilifies (sp?!) people and everyone in the family (and her friends, not many, and most don't stick around for long) know's how frustrating she can be. Very manipulative, with a manic temper, sometimes physical.
She attempted suicide when she was around 15. She was/is a pure rebel (lol) - started sleeping with men when she was about 13 and often disappeared for days on end whilst raving on drugs in fields!
Anyway, she might have just had a 'colourful life' as my Dad puts it (in denial? We went for family councelling years ago but it didn't last), and I certainly don't want to stick a label on her, but recently her mood swings are dreadful and I'm regularly accused of 'abandoning' her. She expects things from me and often refers back to the time when she helped me. It's very much a 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours' - she never lets you forget!
One of her daughters (a twin) was living with the father's grandmother for awhile but is moving back to the family home this weekend. My niece is profoundly deaf (fluent in sign language as is my sister/other neice) but has additional needs (ADHD) and I'm worried that my sister won't cope. She's never bonded with this twin like she has with the other one (very close, almost like friends rather than mother/child - twins are 12 years old - and moved her out of the family home when the child was 7. Sister often says, when she tries to defend her decision, "I looked after her for 7 years, now it's someone else turn".?! My Mother and Father get that from her about my first nephew, as if it's like their responsibility to bring the child up! I often get "you're a bad Aunt" and she uses her children to get back at us - one minute they are props/weapons, the next they are vulnerable and alone!!
Anyway, the twin's Grandmother cannot look after the girl anymore, and so she's moving back home. Our family are worried about this, for the child's sake more than anything.
I feel better about talking about this! Sounds like I'm blaming my sister myself! But as much as I love my sister, and I do very much, I can't be her everything anymore, I'm exhausted, feel guilty constantly, feel wrong and manipulated all the time. I'm just fed up! Thanks for listening to my drivel! And apols for spelling :O) x
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Thanks!!
WGM
He will lie like falling off a log, once when we took a time share togeather, he went into a speal about how he had traveled all over europe, He has never been out of country.
He will call me and never aske how you are doing or what is going on in your life, it is reporting, I just got an A in math at college, I just got a raise at the hospital and will be making 19$ and hour. My girl friend will make 95k a year when she finishes college, blablabla.
It is so hard to be around people like this. My wife will yell at me when the phone rings to not answer. He will go on for an hour like this then just as abrupt say " well I have some studing to do or laundry, I have to go" and that is it. I could go on with story after story, Once I sent my two brothers to prep a carpet job for our company out of town, scott made such a sceen that the other brother left him at a shell station 100 miles from home.
To this day when he is being a problem, we joke that we are on the look out for a shell station.