over or something more?

[Curious04]

I thought I had found the perfect man of my dreams but the last few events are telling me otherwise. I had a friend contact me while stationed in Iraq we began to chat regularly and he ended up telling me that he had developed feelings for me while he was home on leave. Things went from there, we began talking more (even though he was still stationed in Iraq.) In a couple months we became a couple and then moving and marriage came up, it was all at the spur of the moment I think, but he even bought and sent me a ring.
Now he'll be back in the states in a couple weeks and I recieved a message from him explaining why he hasn't been calling or writing back. He told me that he's freaking out that things have gone this far and that we just need to be friends that I became a really good friend.
I am so confused and I don't think that it's a typical guy thing to buy a ring send it and write endless email and have conversation after another about how he's never been this happy before and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..etc..It doesn't feel over really and that could just be me. I honestly think he is just panicked. We had plans for me to go on vacation and ride back home with him since it's a 13hour drive, the reply I got was I dont know.
I'm just looking for any ideas or maybe someone that has been through a similiar situation to give me some insight.
Through the process of us become a couple we both layed everything out on the table and kept an open mind that if a relationship didn't work out we would remain friends since we did develop a close bond. I just feel he had gone back on his word and am unsure if I could have him as the friend I thought I did before this.

[mags59]

It sounds like he's getting cold feet.  He probably is panicked since he's coming home and is not sure what he wants to do.  I think when you're overseas serving it's easy to get caught up in a relationship since you don't know whether you're ever coming home.  Give him some time and space to think about it when he gets back.  As far as staying friends, I think that would be difficult for you (as it would for me), at least at first.  But time heals, and maybe someday you could be friends with him.  In the meantime, just give him time to adjust to being back from war.  It may be all he needs and hopefully, he'll eventually see what a great person he gave up.

[Ceela]

I agree with mags59.  The situation he is in is very isolating and you reach out for any anchor to home and someone to write and connect with.  It doesn't mean it wasn't real but it was more intense and rushed because he was so far from home and could literally die any moment.  I would give him some space and slow down because he will need time to adjust anyway.  Try not to put too much pressure on him and don't be catty and he may decide that you are still what he wants.  Don't take it personally or judge him to harshly because it is a really hard situation to be in.  (Even though it wasn't fair to you and you have a right to feel used and lied to!)  When I was in basic training half the people there got engaged to someone back home and I know most regretted it almost immediately.  That was just nice safe basic training in the US.  You just can't imagine the pressure he has been under and that is the only reason I'm saying you should cut him some slack!  

[Agiesmom]

I don't know from first-hand experience, but I saw a tv program once and the soldier said that being in another country under the circumstances of war is lonely and very stressful and psychologically draining.  There are long, hot, days and you think about things a lot and wonder if you will ever make it home again--you wonder if you are going to die a painful death in a foreign country and never see your country, family, and friends again.

Do you think this could have been more about escaping his reality at the time--his need to dream of a normal existance again?  I'm sure your letters gave him hope, helped him to focus somewhere else, made him feel loved and missed--like someone out there cares.  I'm sure he got very caught up in it all and now that the reality of actually being home is not just a dream, he's getting cold feet.

I would imagine it would be like being in prison--you have nothing "normal" or familiar to fill your days--so it would be easy to "fall in love" via mail and plan a big life with someone one day when you get out, only to change your mind when you realize you are getting out and the possibilities are endless and you just want to be free and live your life.

I've never been in either situation and I haven't even known someone in either situation, but that's what I imagine it would be like.

[RockRose]

Curious,  have you ever even kissed this guy?  

[Curious04]

I failed to mention I have military background myself and do know that could be a big part of it, that even came up in one of many discussions and he assured me and he has done again that wasn't the case at all. I have never been overseas but do have a network of friends and family that has been and know what it can do someone and how the reaching out goes. Even before he left he was reaching out to me and I'm basically the only contact that he's kept on a regular basis for the last yr and half or so.
I do want to keep him as a friend and like with everything it will only take time to get the standing and the foundation rebuilt and know that being the "typical girl" and smothering him with questions, being pushing and judgemental will only cause deteramint ( i think that's the word) to the entire situation. I'll just take things as they come with him and continue on with what i was doing in my life, I know there is no point in waiting around for someone, i just wanted a few opinions.

Rock rose, no i haven't kissed him we almost did the last time he was home on leave but it wasn't very good timing for either one of us. Although i do find that very irrelevant to the situation. We have known eachother for around 3years.

[Agiesmom]

I'm confused.  Who was the guy you were with in January then?  (I read a post by you on another board about worrying about pregnancy.)  Did this (admitting his attraction, emailing, calling, ring buying, future planning) all transpire since then?

[Curious04]

We didn't start talking regulary until after that event in Jan, we were talking before hand but I just wasn't sure if he was being serious about admitting the attraction (as you put it) and it was just every so often. Like everyone pretty much agreed it was a possibility he was just homesick and reaching out to someone that understood or could in a way relate to what he was going through being overseas. It all did transpire really quickly and is one of the main reason why i am not freaking out and looking at the situation negatively.
Just what I thought i said I thought i had found the man of my dreams the best friend i never knew i had. Granted i still consider him one of the best friends i never knew I had it just will take it time to see where it goes.
As for the for the pregnancy thing, I'm still unsure i'd be over 3months pregnant if I were, still not period and still not symptons of a pregnancy if there were (I'm less the a 100lbs and i have gained one bit of weight either) . I was being paranoiad and just looking for information and maybe someone else that went through something similar after getting off birth control.
Time helps everything and thats all I need right now.