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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Comparing Me to Daddy
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Comparing Me to Daddy
by Mamastar, May 03, 2008 04:04PM
Parents have been seperated for over 2 years, with joint custody. My 4year old has recently started saying "my daddy does it, daddy lets me.... " I was first not sure if it was just the innocence of wondering why there was a difference in his and my behavior. But now I realize she is working to change my decisions. I told her I did not want to go to the beach in the rain, she says my daddy does. Last night when we went to leave families house she did not want to go, she started screaming I want to go to my Daddy's, daddy would let me stay. There is much emotion involved in these situations I try to mask mine but I think she knows this behavior is upsetting for me. Do I tell her it hurts my feelings?
Can you recommend a good book/resource for joint custody mom's?
Can you recommend a good book/resource for joint custody mom's?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., May 04, 2008 05:40PM
, May 04, 2008 05:40PM
No, do not tell her it hurts your feelings. It is not reasonable for you to hold her accountable for your reactions. It will be important for you to work on your reaction and to not permit it to hurt your feelings. Only you can accomplaish that. It is very hard for children to accommodate to differing circumstances in their two homes, but it is something she will be adapting to over time. Rolling with the punches, so to speak, will be a challenge for you. Try to be relaxed and confident in your decision making rather than swayed by your daughter's reaction to it. I do not have a particulalr recommendation re: a book, but perhaps one of our readers will suggest one.
Member Comments (2)
by srb122498, May 13, 2008 06:35AM
To: mamastar
I don't know of a book particulary for "joint custody mom's" I do have a few favorite books on dealing with children and their behavior. A good resource would be the internet. You can google anything!! I am a divorced mom with joint custody. My ex and I separated when my middle son was around 6 months old. He is now 10. I can tell you it's tough. As long as you always have your childs best interrest in mind, yall should do fine. Realize you are not perfect, and you will make mistakes. Are you friendly with your ex? Could he help with the situation? That would make it alot easier, but it's not neccassary. (I have never been really friendly w/my ex, we don't really speak to each other). But never, never, never talk bad about or say negative things about your ex to your child. Understand that she loves her dad, regardless of how you feel. Anyhow, the books are: The Strong Willed Child, by James Dobson: The New Dare To Discipline, by James Dobson: Boundaries With Kids, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend:and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, by Stephen R. Covey. Don't let the title of this last book throw you off. It is a great book! Let me know if any of these help.
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