marijuana conflict

[LovinLife]

I am wondering if anyone has experience with dating someone who smokes marijuana regularly?  Smoking marijuana is not unusual, but the conflict/problem I do not smoke marijuana and have no interest in doing so.  My boyfriend  smokes a lot, and has friends that smoke regularly, and I wonder how our lifestyles would fit together, with him smoking and me not smoking.  None of my friends smoke either, so there is a difference in the group of friends we have.  I  am a bit of a health "nut", so I don't see myself ever starting at all.   He doesn't seem to have any problems of anger or any ill effects from the smoking, so for him it works and he is happy.   He says he will phase out the smoking when I am around, but I am wondering if anyone else has had this issue in relationships?  At the moment, we aren't together as I made a big deal out of whether I would be happy with someone who smoked (and whose circles of friends smoke)..

Anyone?

[treazzure007]

I always had the option of dating the guys in high school that smoked mj.
I never chose to.  To me, choosing someone to date was always about choosing someone I shared a lot in common with.  You dont necessarily fit in his circle and neither does he in yours.  

[jo929]

I would suggest that you move forward, as one who smoke m will just hold you back, and have you studied what it can do to your system.if you want a better life for yourself let him go   lots luck   jo

[green eyed lady]

The old adage about opposites attracting is false...commonality is key.

I think you've already made your decision...I would stick to it. Good luck to you.

[marissposa]

I think it depends on how much of his identity is wrapped up in smoking.  I had one bf who was a smoker and it was no big deal.   But I dated another that was obsessed with it.  Here is a list of what drove me crazy about it:  It was so boring to hang out with him,   the only thing he and his friends did socially was smoke---listen to music and smoke, play guitar and smoke,   bbq and smoke.... and on and on.  It was so not stimulating.  He was always late, because of having just one more hit--- stoners always lose track of time.  We always had to take time out of our lives for him to go buy the stuff.  which of course was not a simple transaction, because pot etiquette  requires that you hang out and smoke together, coz it's not about the $$ bro,  it's about looooove.  There would be marijuana ashes and joint butts littering our bedroom.  He always stole my lighters.  And I had to live with the nasty smell of weed smoke all of the time.
Yuck.

[momagain59]

I left a pot smoker 30 years ago and he is still smoking pot. Life is a lot easier when you are with people that have common interest, morals, and beliefs.

[kathryn80]

I married a pot smoker and at first it was great.... we had so much fun and I even decided to join in.  Then, he started growing... then, he flooded the bathroom... then, I asked him to stop growing, not smoking, and he refused and threw a fit.  It became more important than me and eventually our life together.  I would be cautious.  I will never enter into a relationship with someone who smokes daily... I'd have to be very convinced with someone who smokes occasionally.  

[LovinLife]

Thank you for all the input it is helpful---I don't know where things will end, at the moment, the  'ball is in his court' as I told him our lifestyles were too different to be together.  Unfortunately, I told him, didn't ask him what he thought, so now I am not sure how he feels and if he will even communicate.....its been a few days since I called and apologized, not for what I said, but how I came across, etc....

Livin Life

[kathryn80]

Don't apologize for standing up for yourself.  If he loves you he will see through the "how" you came across to your concern and well-being.  Keep strong to what is going to serve you, spiritually and emotionally.  That's what I didn't learn quickly enough.  I excused his actions and truly became part of the problem.  

[Milly116]

I used to smoke, met a smoker, lived together got married. Then I fell pregnant and stopped smoking and he carried on. He also used to play on his computer for hours on end. He was a great dad, but as the years went by I stopped being interesting to him and all he did with his evenings after the kids went to bed was smoke and play on his computers. I got fed up, felt neglected and lost self confidence. I told him I didnt want to be with him anymore and he didnt seem to care. It didnt make him stop. After years of smoking he began to develop paranoid delusions and would get angry very easily. I filed for divorce and got the hell out of there. He has remarried and is doing the same thing all over again. My ex is psychologically addicted to pot, has been from the age of 16. He won't ever give it up as its the only thing he's ever known. He's 40 now.

[kathryn80]

Wow, we have a lot in common experience-wise.  Was your ex a grower as well?  Mine did.  I begged him to stop and he fell back on something he said when we were both drunk... he was like, "I'll never stop, so never ask me to," and I guess at the time I didn't think I would!  I did... didn't go over so well. Ha!  

Lesson learned...

[teko]

If he is a smoker and you are not and you get married, you will be constantly be trying to juggle two different life styles and circle of friends. That would be hard in and of itself. If he chooses to put his habit over your relationship, then you may be better off to move on. Like cigarettes, alcohol or any other vice, smoking pot is physically and mentally addictive. I know someone who is as old as I am and cannot start her day without doing two bowls when she gets out of bed. She is paranoid all the time and swears there is nothing wrong with it but it took a year of knowing her before she admitted doing it. She looks like a shriveled up old woman with waist length hair, left over from the 70's. It is also a huge expense when you do not have a lot of extra funds sitting around. People also avoid interviews for jobs that require drug tests too, which in turn limits there earning capacity in todays world. Long term, it is just not a wise decision.

[sarbearie]

most of the posts are correct.
I ve lived with my parents and
my mother does not and my dad does.
it will be an endless battle unless each of you are very independent
and mind your own lifestyle it has alot to do with each personality
opposited do attract ussually.But not forever sometimes.
And not always.
Personally i wouldnt even go there,dont take the risk
It may be extremly hard to brake up or to seperate untill he aggress to stop.
But its Alright because you have to do whats best for you.
The heart is an trecherous thing.(cant spell!)
In other words:
Only you can save your heart,you cant tell someone how to love,or how not too.
IT always has to learn on your own. <3
And most of us will admit and aggree to that.
ME being young i have really aggred and accepted that as a apart of life.

glad to help be safe,live and let live
<3

[Milly116]

yep, mine used to grow  stuff too. Our bedroom was all low lights, soil and green leaves. very unpleasant, but for some reason, i stuck with him. I must have had very low self esteem and confidence. To be honest, he did have some control over me, like put up with this or get the hell out, or this is the way you met me... etc

We live and learn...

[kelliestarr]

Omg let me tell you first off this relationship won't work out in the long run there will just be too many differences between you two. I got out of a relationship just like this one he smoked and I didn't and still don't. Okay he may act nicely while smoking but I can tell you 100% this will change ecspecially if you ever move in together. As for my own expericence he would put his weed before paying the rent or the bills which was very hard on me. His friends may end up not liking you just because you don't smoke and this will cause problems. My relationship worked for about a year but then he just got more into his weed and the relationship went down hill. I put up with it for along time and I will never go out with a guy who smokes weed again. It just won't work and there are so many other great guys out there to choose from.

Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.

Ohh and I'd like to add : He said this to you-

(He says he will phase out the smoking when I am around)

Also in the long run he won't like doing this one trust me. If he has to do this then why not go out with someone else?

[mags59]

I was married to a man who smoked pot 24/7 (he even got up in the middle of the night to smoke a joint - he couldn't even sleep without being stoned).  If he ran out of weed, he'd get VERY nasty.  All he thought about night and day is where he was going to get more.  I've always thought that marijuana was a harmless drug; I still do to a certain extent, just as alcohol can be harmless (or harmful to someone who drinks too much of it).  But now I think differently.  If he smokes all the time, then he has a problem, because just like an alcoholic, he cannot cope with life's ups and downs without being stoned.  If I were you, I'd get rid of him (I did) and find someone who appreciates and respects what your beliefs are.

[Trialanderror]

I have only worked, not lived, with a few people who had been smoking pot for decades. No matter what they say about it being harmless, they were a nightmare to work with. No sense of urgency, no responsibility, busted deadlines. That`s not what you want in a relationship either. The scariest one was a guy who in addition went on anti-depressants. He threatened to "take out" the whole work place once a week. Alcohol can do just the same. Personally, I would just not enjoy living with an addictive personality partner and if you are a "health nut" as you say, you are pretty sure better off sticking to your own group of friends. Good move.