Terrified but Determined

[Need2beClean]

I am a 39-year-old home-schooling mother of 2 beautiful children ages 15 and 10.  I am also a full-time college student and married to a U.S. military member who is my best friend.  I have chronic pain and started taking Vicodin for it about 18 months ago at the most 1-2/day.  I now am taking (5/500s) upwards of 20+/day and am determined that I will be off of them by the end of the month.  I am really scared.  I've been through the wds a few times when I've run low and couldn't get any more from my doc so I know what I will go through as I'm going to drop my numbers quickly.  I've got about 100 left and am going to daily taper off until the end of the month (or I run out) and then I will stop.  I've looked at this forum a few times but just joined today and am looking forward to your support.

[ladyboop]

Put your self together a good taper plan. as hard as it will be to sick to, It's best if you can. Do you have anyone there for support?
I lived in LaMaddalena IT for 4 years. very nice there....

Good luck. if you need anything, just let me know...


                 Lady boop

[mommy52713]

welcome to this fourm  it offers such wonderful support.I am so glad you have chosen to quit taking the pills good luck.

[toomanytimes]

I am hoping to be with you in your quest-I'm scared too.  I also have 2 young children, and homeschooled them before my divorce 3 years ago, just when we were getting a good start.  Hope to keep hearing from you, good luck.

[worried878]

With 100 pills and taking 20 a day...u will have to do a fast taper...but even getting your dose down a bit will help with the withdrawals...have u read thru the health pages and gotten to vitamins and suff u may need?...lots of support here and glad u found us!

[Army220]

You have found the right place.  It is going to be a battle for you.  With a ton of support here you will get thru the WDS.  

Everyone here can relate how you are feeling.  Don't be afraid or embarrssed.  Speak how you feel.  The more you hide the more diffacult it is.

We will be here for ya.

Army

[toomanytimes]

Now that was a very helpful and true statement-"The more you hide the more diffacult it is"   "Don't be afraid or embarrssed"  is extrememely difficult (for me) tho.

[Becca911]

Hi, I been fighting this addition off and on for 2 1/2 yrs since I had open heart surgery. And I'm tapering again. I'm 41, mother of 4 children, ages 22, 20, 15 and 9. I cannot believe I got addicted to this damn pills. I have lowered my dose from 6 to sometimes 10 lortabs a day to 3 tabs a day. I'm having some w/d's but I am so tired of this battle. My kids need ME, not a different me. Keep posting this site is wonderful for information and support. No body judges you here and that is helpful. I already judge myself enough. Good luck and don't give up.

[CadillacJack]

You might be able to cut your dose in half about every other day. I basically did that, and lived to be over 3 weeks clean. It's a rough go, which you seem to have an idea of. Worst will be your will to stick to a rather steep taper. Easier said than done. You're going to need some help at home. I hope you have that support with your husband. The fear of actually quitting is something you've got to get a handle on. You will most assuredly make it through this, if you really wish to quit, so don't be too afraid of it.

Best wishes, and stay on with these good people. They helped me immensely.

[Brrrrad]

The best advice is keep posting w/ anything you need. These people are the best and have seen it all. They helped me from day one to today .Day 14. You are making a great choice. We will keep watching for you

[s10sittnondubs]

I look at it this way...you must be open to get the truthful information you seek.  You've already been truthful to yourself (most important) and your husband.  I know how hard it is even admitting you might have the slightest problem with drugs let alone prescription drugs.  I fought with the concept a lot at first about being open...one, because I have so many things that I felt like I needed a nun standing there to admit to in front of people, and two because I wrestled with myself.  It feels so much better to get it off your chest than letting it stack up and being more of a threat to tempt you in the slightest ways.  This disease is cunning and strikes totatally at random, as long as your prepared and trust me the people here will prepare you for all that.  I hope this helps with anything.  

[J_friend]

Hello, my friend - my heart goes out to you, and I appreciate your honest post.   I think you can make a decent Taper on 100 pills; however, since you're taking 20 a day, you're going to have to make a strict plan and stick to it.  I think you're much better of at tapering than simply quitting c/t.  Perhaps a few days on 10 pills, a few days on 8, a few days on 6, and then a more stretched-out plan on 4 and less.  No doubt, you'll feel the withdrawals, but it will be much more manageable than simply quitting on 20 per day.

Another thought - since your husband is in the military, and your health is most likely covered, there may be some sort of detox program available ... it's worth looking into.  All my best - you can do this!

[ladyboop]

To :J_friend
   The military will have them pack ther bags and send them back state side. They do not have rehab oversea's.. My ex was in the Navy 30yrs. I did 18 of it with him. We were in Italy. Our daughter got depressed, and they made us come back to the states. altought we had been there four years.. They kind of frown on that kind of stuff oversea's..

  To: needtobeclean,
             Sounds like you have a pretty good Dr over there. not sure if you said why you were on the pills.. Maybe he would be willing to help you get off them. Without them sending you back state side.. How much longer are your hubbies orders???

     Best of luck...

[Need2beClean]

Thank you all for your comments and encouragement.  I have chronic pain, that is why I've been on the pills.  My husband knows I want to get off of them but he doesn't know that each month when I get my pills, I spend the first week or two taking as many as I can get my hands on then the next week or so being in withdrawals and miserable just waiting for my next visit to get more.  I've been going to the doc about every 3 weeks instead of 4 like he's wanted because I always run out before the 4 weeks and always make up some excuse as to why I'm there early (I had to much to do the following week, he didn't have any appointments available, etc., etc.)

We have 2-1/2 more years here in Italy, we just got here about six months ago.  There is a rehab clinic in Germany that was suggested to me a few months ago by the psycholgist here on base, but I wasn't ready for it yet.  I knew that I would go back to using as soon as I was out so I figured it wouldn't be worth it at that point.  It is a 30 day program and honestly, I don't want to and can't really afford to be away for a month at this point (hubby works nights and can't leave the kids home alone all night).  However hubby switches to days soon and I may take the psych up on his offer when he does.

I am feeling extremely confident this time, I really am.  Not cocky, but feeling like I have the right tools in place (I'm going to check into the vitamins that worried878 suggested on the health pages).  I'm also drinking tons of green tea and will be exercising daily.  I'm going to sit my husband down today and be completely and totally honest with him about the way things have been.  He is a wonderful support.

My doctor here is wonderful.  He is very compassionate and I truly feel that he has my best interest at heart.  He doesn't know how bad I've gotten with my meds, though, either.  By the time I see him again, at the beginning of June, I want to be off of them and tell him that.  He will be so proud, I know it.  We've been talking of a slow taper for a few months.

This is not my first addiction to battle.  I was a food addict and got myself up to nearly 400 pounds, had gastric bypass (the equivilent of taking a heroin addict cold turkey), and have been living via healthy eating (85-90% of the time) for the last 3 years.  Wow!  I just realized that it has been 3 years!  I had it May 3 of 2005.  Anyway, that's off the subject.

I will keep posting as often as I need to but at minimum, daily.  I thank you all so much for your support.

Need2beClean

[worried878]

I agree..post frequently...i did wds at home..alone..it went ok...just went to the store, gathered up my supplies and hunkered down for a few...dont forget the liquid imodium, emergenC from walmart, 5htp, tyrosine, theanine, methionone, B complex...the rest u can worry with later if need be...something for sleep and anxiety as well...u will be ready