I'm confused, please help

[Rae1989]

I got diagnosed with depression in January and more recently anxiety. I am on tablets and on a waiting list to see a psychologist but unfortunatly it is going to be another few months before I can see anybody. I'm just finding it very hard to cope, I feel as if I'm in a downward spiral. Even with the tablets I still find it very difficult to sleep because I lie awake and worry and I'm still much more emotional than I should be. The tablets for depression worked well for the first month but I've noticed that I'm getting some symptoms back again. My main problem is I think I have very serious trust issues and its ruining my relationship that I am in at the minute. It causes frequent arguments and causes me great distress. Even if I hear that my partner has been in the same room as a girl my body launches into complete terror and panic and I shake, vomit, go cold, feel as if I can't swallow, go clammy, I feel as if I'm going mad and think about suicide or trying to make myself lose conciousness so I don't have to feel the way I do at that moment, my lips go numb and its such a horrible feeling. Although the medication has helped other symptoms the main problem which is this intense fear is still happening. Will I just have to wait until I see my psychologist? Do you think I am suffering from a phobia? I want to understand my condition more so that I can find it easier to fight against. Please help me as I worry (and lie awake and worry) that I am going mad and nothing can be done. I just want to talk to someone professional about it so I can feel like I'm not alone. As a child I witnessed domestic violence often and my mother then tried to divorce my father (whom I was extremely close to) who then commited suicide, I think this may play a part in my intense fear of being left in my relationship and also as I have had troubled relationships before were my paranoia has led to me inadvertingly wrecking the relationship so that it is broken off by the other person. Is there anything I can do apart from wait? Any help or information would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[FMXSMKR]

Hi Rae, I'm so sorry you're suffering so.  Two months to see a psych? Wow!  I would like to encourage you to check out the Borderline Personality Disorder forum.  I think you might be able to relate.  

Best of luck!