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Step Parenting Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to step parenting, anger, behavioral issues, chores, communication, discipline, ex- spouses, family gatherings and meetings, family decisions, frustration, fun activities, grandparents and relatives, guilt, rules, stress, and time issues.
kinda lost
by Dolphind, May 08, 2008 12:41PM
I have been a step parent for almost 4 years to 2 wanderful little girls. Until recently, we all got along with the ex, had helped her out of many situations, but I have always been there for the kids. (The ex wasn't functioning properly) I know you can't change what they do, so I tried to help which turned into a disaster!! Well now that things are different and my husband got tired of all the shananigans we had to get an attorney. (For the girls sake) Things were getting quite desperate. Anyways, the kids act like they hate uswhen they come home, our whole relationship has changed and I'm devastated. The children have changed. I have never tried to be their mother-because I know they have one, but on the other hand their mother tried to make me their mother-make sense? Now with court order she is Super-mom and its like me and husband are ****. Any words of wisdom? Also I'm not used to having someone else be there for them.
Member Comments (2)
by nyychic, Jun 03, 2008 04:51PM
Don't be too concerned just know that no matter how much you love the kids you will always in many ways come second to the mother. My step-children (1 boy now 20 1 girl 16) have a very disfunctional mother. She is a cocaine addict and the daughter just found out (I don't think that the son knows) and she will still always be first. When the mother lies about me the kids are mad at me. Even when they know that it's a lie. Or at least they suspect it. My step-son is better about being indifferent. He's really really defensive about his mother so I say little. I will not be the one to tell him that she's got a drug problem. The kids live with their mother and her parents. She works basically M_F they don't see her because she works 3pm-9am The kids will always go with her but it will settle back down. I just think that it takes time. You will see that they will remember who is there for them as they grow up. Good luck.
by blechy, Jun 04, 2008 10:34PM
To: Dolphind
I agree with nyychic that no matter how good you and your husband are and how bad the other biological parent is the child will still always prefer the other parent. Its in the loyalty "genes". You can do little about it just continue doing what you are doing in your home. As the children grow up they will see things through different eyes or not as the case may be. My point is you cannot change the other parent or home life only work on your own. Every second week one of my daughters comes back from her dads telling me and her stepdad how wonderful "my dad" is and all the wonderful things he does. We just smile at one another and say thats nice. We know that no matter what happens her dad will always be her "hero". I don't really want to change that for her.
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