Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Community
This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding HPV issues such as: genital warts, causes, diagnosis, cervical cancer, HPV in men, PAP tests, treatment, telling your spouse or partner
torn and tormented
by canuck1975, May 09, 2008 07:05PM
I would really appreciate people's genuine insight about what the best thing is to do. I went through a very dark time in my life. It had a lot of complex underpinnings, above all a really unhappy childhood, adolescence and young adulthood that resulted from spretty significant rejection and isolation I faced becauseof a physical deformity I was born with . At heart I am a really decent person with a social conscience but I behaved badly during my late 20s. I engaged in very reckless and irresponsible sex with many partners. I drank heavily. I was a very unhealthy and unhappy person.
Three years ago, when I was 29, I slept with a 16 year old female. Before I go further please understand: I live in canada and the legal age of consent here was 14 and is now 16. I am not proud of what I did; I am disgusted today. It was though totally consensual; even at that dark time never would I force anyone to do anything against their will. That makes me sick. At that time I did not know I was infected with HPV - the human papilloma virus that causes warts and can cause cervical cancer (as well as penile, anal and vulvar cancer). A few months later I was diagnosed with genital warts. I now know that at the time I slept with this girl I was infected - I had a bump on my penis that I had originally thought was just a beign pearly papule that I have always had but I am sure today it was a small wart.
There are many types of HPV. The types that cause warts, depending on the literature source you read either rarely or never cause cancer. However, a person can never know for sure what types they are carrying. It is estimated that more than 85% of sexually active adults will get an HPV infection at some time in their lives and most will clear it with no problems or without ever knowing they had it. HPV is so common it is almost as normal as the commonc old. problem is, in a small minority of cases, some people can get very hurt.
It is now 3 years later. I have totally turned my life around. I work in healthcare and have a job that I deeply love and am able to give back to society's more marginalised people. I am in the first relationship of my life with a wonderful partner that loves me deeply. I have overcome my past and am so much a healthier person today. I have gone for extensive counselling.
I have profound regrets about the past however. I am OCD- this is very true. I obsess a great deal. ALthough on that occasion with the 16 year old I didn't know I was HPV infected, later on I did know and yet continued to sleep around for a time. I am deeply ashamed of how I behaved and there are no excuses. As part of my recovery I contacted many people from my past (whereever realsistcally possible) and told them about my status and to make sure to get annual pap smears (which will keep them totally safe). Most people were very gracious and even thankful to my surprise.
I panic about this 16 year old though, today she would be 19. I tried to contact her through a mutual old contact but she (the contact) made clear she didn't want to have anything to do with it. I tried to contact her on facebook but I have only a first name. I obsess and obsess over it and feel like I am evil and a coward (I really and truly do feel this way). The only other thing I can think of is a doctor I once worked with who I think the 16 year old said she had seen once - he is a renal/kidney specialist. I have thought about calling him up and seeing if he might be able to track her. I have only a first name but since he usually sees persons >18 and she was <18 at the time, I thought he might know. I am nervous to do that though. It would involve opening. up a whole can of worms, telling the doctor my whole story, would put him in an awkward spot. But my mind torments me: jsut what if I gave her a cancer-causing form of the virus (the virus I had again is very unlikely to do this if not outright would not as it caused warts but I may carry other forms I would have no way of knowing about), just what if she doesn't go for pap smears, what right do I have NOT to tell her this. My mind torments me: she needs to find otu immediately and I have to take every last measure to ensure this or I am a coward and am acting, frankly, reprehensibly.
My partner and counsellors have argued firmly against this. they have said this is brutal obsession. My partner in particular has said 1) chances are very high that she already had HPV herself as she had been sexually active before me and that if not from me, she will, like the grand majority of sexually active people get it before she is 25 2) chances are very high she goes for paps 3) I am doing more harm than good by continuing on like this not just to me but to others - I am not concentrating enough on my job and my relationship, the 16 year old probably has no desire to hear from me and all I would do is scare her with no benefit since she is probably doing exactly what she is supposed to and can't do anything else to prevent HPV infection.
I am really torn. I would really appreciate people's honest insight.
Three years ago, when I was 29, I slept with a 16 year old female. Before I go further please understand: I live in canada and the legal age of consent here was 14 and is now 16. I am not proud of what I did; I am disgusted today. It was though totally consensual; even at that dark time never would I force anyone to do anything against their will. That makes me sick. At that time I did not know I was infected with HPV - the human papilloma virus that causes warts and can cause cervical cancer (as well as penile, anal and vulvar cancer). A few months later I was diagnosed with genital warts. I now know that at the time I slept with this girl I was infected - I had a bump on my penis that I had originally thought was just a beign pearly papule that I have always had but I am sure today it was a small wart.
There are many types of HPV. The types that cause warts, depending on the literature source you read either rarely or never cause cancer. However, a person can never know for sure what types they are carrying. It is estimated that more than 85% of sexually active adults will get an HPV infection at some time in their lives and most will clear it with no problems or without ever knowing they had it. HPV is so common it is almost as normal as the commonc old. problem is, in a small minority of cases, some people can get very hurt.
It is now 3 years later. I have totally turned my life around. I work in healthcare and have a job that I deeply love and am able to give back to society's more marginalised people. I am in the first relationship of my life with a wonderful partner that loves me deeply. I have overcome my past and am so much a healthier person today. I have gone for extensive counselling.
I have profound regrets about the past however. I am OCD- this is very true. I obsess a great deal. ALthough on that occasion with the 16 year old I didn't know I was HPV infected, later on I did know and yet continued to sleep around for a time. I am deeply ashamed of how I behaved and there are no excuses. As part of my recovery I contacted many people from my past (whereever realsistcally possible) and told them about my status and to make sure to get annual pap smears (which will keep them totally safe). Most people were very gracious and even thankful to my surprise.
I panic about this 16 year old though, today she would be 19. I tried to contact her through a mutual old contact but she (the contact) made clear she didn't want to have anything to do with it. I tried to contact her on facebook but I have only a first name. I obsess and obsess over it and feel like I am evil and a coward (I really and truly do feel this way). The only other thing I can think of is a doctor I once worked with who I think the 16 year old said she had seen once - he is a renal/kidney specialist. I have thought about calling him up and seeing if he might be able to track her. I have only a first name but since he usually sees persons >18 and she was <18 at the time, I thought he might know. I am nervous to do that though. It would involve opening. up a whole can of worms, telling the doctor my whole story, would put him in an awkward spot. But my mind torments me: jsut what if I gave her a cancer-causing form of the virus (the virus I had again is very unlikely to do this if not outright would not as it caused warts but I may carry other forms I would have no way of knowing about), just what if she doesn't go for pap smears, what right do I have NOT to tell her this. My mind torments me: she needs to find otu immediately and I have to take every last measure to ensure this or I am a coward and am acting, frankly, reprehensibly.
My partner and counsellors have argued firmly against this. they have said this is brutal obsession. My partner in particular has said 1) chances are very high that she already had HPV herself as she had been sexually active before me and that if not from me, she will, like the grand majority of sexually active people get it before she is 25 2) chances are very high she goes for paps 3) I am doing more harm than good by continuing on like this not just to me but to others - I am not concentrating enough on my job and my relationship, the 16 year old probably has no desire to hear from me and all I would do is scare her with no benefit since she is probably doing exactly what she is supposed to and can't do anything else to prevent HPV infection.
I am really torn. I would really appreciate people's honest insight.
Post Comment
I am just driving myself crazy with all of this. I really don't know what to do. And I do know that as is so common, even if I did call that doctor, one obsession would quickly replace another and I'd just start worrying about something else. And so I just don't know what is right here: let this go and move on or do everything I possibly can to find this girl, today 19.
I now live in a different city, far away from her and have no other way to contact her save the one possibility above.
Your obsessive thinking, not HPV, would be my main concern at the moment. I would continue working with psychologists and psychiatrists to better this problem.