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communication
by Mom0F2nTX, May 11, 2008 11:32PM
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and have been best friends for the last 4. I love this man more than anything. We recently had a lil girl 8 months ago. Before we got really serious our communication was amazing we talked about anything and everything but, now its like we dont talk at all. My boyfriend has 2 other children by 2 different mothers, so 3 kids 3 different mothers. I understand that he has to have contact with the ex's b.c of his children but at same time when is it questionable???? His sons mother who is his most recent ex HATES me due to my age. I am 7 years younger than my boyfriend. She keeps his son from him which isnt right but, then when he asks for an explaination she says bc of something she heard I did WHATEVER!
But recently Him and Her have been talking and texting on a daily basis but the times he calls her is when he leaves the house or when I leave the house never around me???? Y im not sure but its starting to bother me BAD! Him and I dont talk when he is home. we dont sleep in the same room he sleeps on the couch and I sleep uptairs. Him and his ex talk more than him and I do in a weeks time in one day?? should I be worried? I found out that he was talking to his ex about our problems at home which isnt fair to me.... I dont think that is right at all. I just dont understand why he wont talk to me but he can talk to her. I told him how thats not right and how it bothered me but he still puts her first.... but when i ask him if thats what he wants??? he says no and that he wants to be with me but for some reason I DONT BELIEVE HIM! He doesnt look at me the same way he used to and it hurts so bad. what do i do???
I have confronted him on this multiple times and told him how it hurts my feelings and things but he acts as if its no big deal. I know he loves me but, I dont feel like he is with me for the right reasons. :( I know love isnt easy and it sometimes hurts but, I also know that it isnt supposed to hurt this badly. I honestly feel like I live in an over crowded house with a roommate with 2 kids..... I love this man so much! It hurt to even think about us not being together. I have also recently started not to care which hurts more but, its like we have both stopped trying all together. WHAT SHOULD I DO?? SHOULD I TRY ONE LAST TIME OR LET THIS ONE GO???
But recently Him and Her have been talking and texting on a daily basis but the times he calls her is when he leaves the house or when I leave the house never around me???? Y im not sure but its starting to bother me BAD! Him and I dont talk when he is home. we dont sleep in the same room he sleeps on the couch and I sleep uptairs. Him and his ex talk more than him and I do in a weeks time in one day?? should I be worried? I found out that he was talking to his ex about our problems at home which isnt fair to me.... I dont think that is right at all. I just dont understand why he wont talk to me but he can talk to her. I told him how thats not right and how it bothered me but he still puts her first.... but when i ask him if thats what he wants??? he says no and that he wants to be with me but for some reason I DONT BELIEVE HIM! He doesnt look at me the same way he used to and it hurts so bad. what do i do???
I have confronted him on this multiple times and told him how it hurts my feelings and things but he acts as if its no big deal. I know he loves me but, I dont feel like he is with me for the right reasons. :( I know love isnt easy and it sometimes hurts but, I also know that it isnt supposed to hurt this badly. I honestly feel like I live in an over crowded house with a roommate with 2 kids..... I love this man so much! It hurt to even think about us not being together. I have also recently started not to care which hurts more but, its like we have both stopped trying all together. WHAT SHOULD I DO?? SHOULD I TRY ONE LAST TIME OR LET THIS ONE GO???
Post Comment
Love is not a feeling alone. Love is what one does and doesn't let get challenged. You say, you love him...that's very fine. But do you feel like expressing it to him presently.
Two questions:
1) What all has he recently done to nurture the love you have for him and reciprocated with his share of love for you? List the things.
2) What all has he done to you recently to challenge the same love?
It is all very naked in front of you. There is no denying that there is a serious relationship problem. Most likely the poison bud is the ex-girlfriend of his. It is not only unfair for him to discuss your personal matters with his ex, it shows pettyness and insecurity which he suffers from.
I am not going to pass a judgment on how he moves on after becoming a father with each of girlfriends but it is depictive of a pervasive behaviour. The inability to shoulder responsibilities of the emotional kind so lightly.
I do not know how independent you are to be on your own but I suggest you start developing a support system of your own friends.
Start having a life of your own too. let him respect the INDIVIDUAL in you and not always get away with the fact that to you 'US' is more important tha 'I'.
Share what you are going through with your friends you amke. Spend much more time with your child without his support but do give him chores of his own which he must do for the child.
lastly: Are you feeling couragious enough to pick up the phone and call his ex and tell him what she/they are doing to yoru relationship. Believe me it is not shallow. It is your right.
having said this, each of us can not handle a situation like other can. Do what comes natural to you.
But do let love lower your self esteem.
God Bless.
As for the baby mama, he's probably ready to go back to her by now. A lot of men do this all of their lives. Let's face it. There's only so many women that he'll ever appeal to from now on. No sensible woman will ever hook up with him (3 kids, 3 different women= Run!) and since he's into moving on, it's likely he'll backtrack.
You're young....right now. Trust me, no man is worth wasting years of your youth on. Hopefully you never had thought to invest your lifetime into a man anyway. Work hard on securing a happy, fulfilling future for yourself and your child. Get your education and all of the other fine things now. Love finds you when the time is right. Make your life easier, and add years in the process, let him go about his business if things don't improve immediately.
Thank you for your input. I just dont understand why he is acting the way he is. It really hurts my feelings to think that he doesnt care. What blows my mind the most is when I do address an issue of MINE or of OURS he just says whatever or him calling me childish. or something like that. He wont talk to me. and when its over and ive vented or tried to get over it he acts as we havent even had a dis agreement or a fight or whatever the case is. Its like he really has no care in the world.
Your right it is completely unfair for him to talk about our personal issues with her period. I cant stand it. but, with everything said and done lately he has tried 10% more tahn he was.
When you asked what was he doing to nurture teh love he shared for me NOTHING. When I am upset and trying to talk to him or trying to get my point across or telling him how I feel he just kinda looks at me with this "are you done" look on his face.???:( and then there are time when I am trying to tell him I am sorry or trying to let him know how much I care for him with a hug or something He doesn't really hug back! thats when it hurts the most.
thanks for everything,
Mom0f2ntx
I also have a child a son who is 3 yrs from a previous relationship. But, his father and I talk the bare minimum as we should we talk when he calls to talk to him and when we are arranging for him to visit his son that is it.
I know I am young. I do have huge future ahead of me as long as i put forth the effort to to strive to succeed. I feel like only 2 men I have ever cared about enable my ability to fight for sucess. Its my self-esteem issues I have been dealing with b.c of my sons father basically took it all away from me due to the verbal abuse. When my boyfriend and got together he was AMAZING! reassuring, sweet, Charming, A gentleman he helped me regain my self-esteem within myself. I was so excited for that. Sometimes I feel like I owe him something. But then again I ask my self why do I owe him something now all he has done is take what I worked so hard to get back away from me once again. Im just lost! Im not sure why I hold on to this one but, my heart is telling me to.
I know love shouldnt hurt at all. but, i cant seem to think what my life would be without him. YES, I KNOW THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST THING THAT HAS PROBABLY COME OUT OF MY MOUTH. BUT AT THE BEGINNING WE FIT SO WELL.
FOR EXAMPLE: " JULY 4TH 2006- WE WERE TAKING A NAP BEFORE OUR PLANS WE HAD FOR THAT EVENING, WHEN WE WOKE UP IT WAS LIEK A DEJAVU, i SAID SOME THING TO HIM ABOUT IT: AND HE WOKE UP ABRUPTLY, AND ASKED ME WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. SO I EXPLAINED, AND THEN COME TO REALIZE WE WERE HAVING THE EXACT SAME DEJAVU AND THE EXACT SAME TIME"
?HOW CRAZY AND UNEXPLAINABLE IS THAT???? I KNOW THAT ISNT THE ONLY TIME I CAN REFER TO BUT, SOMETHING PUT US TOGETHER AND SOMETHING HOLDS US TOGETHER BUT, FOR WHAT REASON IM NOT QUITE SURE OF....
THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT
MEANS ALOT AND WOULD LOVE TO HEAR MORE....
1) It is very apparent that the relationship currently has a lot of negative energy.
2) His non-cooperative nature is not helping either.
3) You are still hoping that it should be mended.
4) But your hope is leaving you with very low self esteem.
It is the last you need to work upon!!
If you establish to your self that you deserve better and that its none of your fault, you will find it easier to get yourself a life.
As I suggested make new friends. Get into activities which please you and are not hollow.
Do something (even if small) which is good enough to your soul. Then go ahead and reward yourself for having done that.
Send clear signals to him on what wont work with you, no matter what constraints. While u r doing this: do not cow down to manipulative or extreme reactions from him. Plainly make your point. You may ahve to jot down or rehearse that conversation.
Do let me know in case you reach a dead end.
Best..of everything to you.
PS: I saw the pics - the kids are angels.