Am I wrong and what can i do?

[gokuangel]

Ok here's my deal i been w/my DH for 3yrs married for 1 and half years he's always had control issues w/me and we fought so much in the beginning that eventually i left and cheated on him we soon got bk together and been together ever since and things been good really good i have always had that spark w/him i never had w/any1 b4. Anyway i feel like the control issues are never going away  hes not as bad as he used to but now when i go to my parents house did i say that MY PARENTS HOUSE he expects me to drop every single thing im doing the second he calls from being off work and be across town in like 5 mins!! This is hard not only is the town big and crowded but he yelled at me the first time for not being on time because i was eating!! The 2nd time this past saturday i get yelled at again because we had just come out of the store and i was fixing to get something to eat but no i had to drive off from the place leave my step mom bk at their house (hungry not mention) drive to 2 stores and get across to the other side and a huge fight totally exploded from all this!! It's crazy that i cant even visit my family w/out having to run out the door like a chicken w/my head cut off cus he wants me where he is NOW!! Am i being crazy? He says im wrong cus i cant do everything on time and he was being nice for giving me $$ and letting me go. I feel that cus im not working i have to be a slave to everything he says and his mother did i mention that yeah i have to deal w/her too cus we live in her house and she wants me to be the maid. I know what i did in the past was completly wrong i admit all faults and take responsibility for it but i feel as though i am going to have to pay the cost for the rest of my life!! HELP!! Any suggestions? No talking doesnt work talking to my DH is a complete waste of breath he will just tell me the blah blah long story why hes right.

[teko]

If you like being controlled and treated like he is your daddy, stay there. If not, move on while you can,. This is not a healthy enviroment.

[RockRose]

What you've got here,  is a major culture clash,  gokuangel.  Neither of you is right or wrong,  you were raised differently and want to live your lives differently.

Hispanic men by and large have expectations that their wives dote on them.  In return,  Hispanic men tend to be big family men - on Sunday afternoons,  instead of hanging out with their guy friends or mowing the lawn,  they tend to prefer big family gatherings.  All the kids running around,  the women together and the men together.  All together,  all affectionate.  

(Doesn't always work that way,  that's the ideal.)  

They tend to want to be the caretakers,  and earn the money and take care of their family and don't go "halves" usually with winning the bread.  They are the head,  and they take care of business.  In return they want their wives there when they come home - with a big smile on their face and food on the stove.

His mother also has that expectation for him,  that you treat him that way.

I think you need to decide whether you want to live within that culture before you get pregnant.

[txsilver]

It sounds to me like the two of you need to talk.  If he knows that you cheated when you left him he may have trust issues.  Those are his issues to work out.  
If there is not a reason you can't work, you could get a job and get your own money so you are not dependent on him and the two of you can get out of his mother's home.  
Until you are on your own, you will likely be expected to do much around the house as a form of rent (even if you are paying her something) and your mother in law will be in your business.  
If he is not willing to give you room to be your own person, won't negotiate and won't go to counseling, then maybe this is not the right man for you.  

[gokuangel]

Thank you for your input wow thats gives me so much to think about!! Rock you have really hit the nail on the head that is exactly how his family is!! Maybe not the gatherings cus usually when all these people come over we run and hide i dont like being around lol!! But yes he earns the money and him and his mom take full control over the $$ i have allowed them too because the $$ choices that i have made have never been good ones and i cant save for nothing and so far so good but anyway you are so right about it being a culture clash!! thats a great way to think about. I'm not sure what i can do maybe talking to him will negotiate something maybe; leaving is just not really an option for me see this my 2nd marriage and i have no intentions of ever doing again marriage all of it i already said if this falls through im done so i want to make it work if i can. Work is not an option either after the problems we had him and his mom decided that im not going bk so he refuses to let me i tried even when he couldnt work for 6 months he said no and his mom took care of everything. The cleaning yes she does expect me to clean as part of helping pay rent but she goes overboard she wants me to clean everything and i mean everything while she does the yard work. My lil brothers are more than capable of cleaning their own rooms they are 12 and 14 for pete's sake!! So i just stick to my regular chores help w/the dishes (sometimes i refuse to do it everyday) clean the restroom and my room and thats it.

[gokuangel]

oh i forgot bout the cooking thing yes she expects me to and always tells my brother dont marry a girl like her who cant cook but since we live in her house i dont she always tells me what im doing wrong or theyre getting mad cus im taking too long i cant even get something out of the fridge w/out tripping over some1 so the kitchen i avoid as much as i possibly can. I can cook though and have every intention of doing so when i get bk in my own place.