13yr. old Suddenly Angry & Irrational

[tkdmamastoll]

My 13yr. old son lives with myself and his step-dad and has for the last 6 years; he sees his Dad regularly as well.  However, I do all the parenting stuff.  We recently found out my husband is being relocated out of state for his job.  And, we are faced with a difficult decision - should he stay or go?  Up til now he has been a fantastic kid, very mature, responsible, level headed, kind, funny, open and we've always had the best relationship.  He has had a fantastic relationship with my husband as well who's thought of him as a son and treated him the same way.  Lately, he's been growing increasingly more quiet, showing outward passive-aggressive behavior; has been teary, difficult to talk to; very inwardly angry.  My husband took him to see the town we'd be living in for a Man-weekend they had a great time.  A few days later when discussing mother's day plans he seemed put out to even spend the day with me and his 3 brothers.  He clearly didn't want to; then, even more worrisome he told his Dad he was going to bring a knife with him here because he was fearly of how his stepdad would react about the Mother's Day issue.  He has been acting very selfish.  Granted a lot of the stress comes from the move, the choices he must make etc. but suddenly relating to us in a completely different way; even fearful of being here?  I don' t know what to do....

[April2]

I think we have a very scared, confused, angry kid here. His world is being turned upside down and he feels very out of control and scared. He also is confused, I think, as to where his loyalty lies.
I'm a little confused about the Mother's Day thing though. Were you planning on only spending it with your kids and not your husband? Maybe he thought he should be included.
As to the irrational thinking and acting selfish, well, teenagers do tend to think irrationally and do tend to be rather self-centered. It comes with the territory. I think you need to cut him a break here and give him some grace. This is a lot of change and he's scared and acting out because he doesn't know what else to do. I think it would be beneficial if you could sit down and talk to him and show him that you understand and sympathize. And listen to him, really listen to him. Show him that you care about his opinion and thoughts. Also, if you could give him even just a little bit of control over any of this it probably would make him feel better. Let him make some choices.
If none of this works and he continues to act this way or gets worse, you may want to consider some counseling at least temporarily. He needs to have an outlet and he needs to talk to someone.
I wish you the best. God bless.