Not sure if I should be worried.

[Canuckchick]

Hi. Newbie here. I guess I'm kind of in denial but I'm not really sure that I need to be very worried...not yet anyway. I've been taking pain killers off and on since June 07 when my colon ruptured from acute diverticulitis. I was really sick for a long time...colostomy, open wounds, 23 staples down my belly...tons of pain and depression. I had another surgery in Dec to reattach my bowel and then had a third surgery on my foot in April of this year. When I was in the hospital for my colon I was on morphine (which I loved) and then on ratio-oxycocet and T3s when I got home. 2nd surgery, same thing. For the foot surgery I started taking some of my oxycocets that I had left over because the Dr only prescribed T3s. The recovery was pretty easy and I wasn't in much pain but I still took the pain killers. I realized that I was only taking them for the buzz so I got rid of them...but I still wanted them. I had some T3s too and continued to take them even tho I didn't really need to. My foot is now healed and there's no pain at all but my boyfriend got some T3s for his back and I started stealing them. I only crave them in the evening and I only take 2...and I don't take them every night. I had stopped taking them for about a week...but now my BF is working nights so I took 2 the night before last and 3 last night. I had a prescription for T3s that I hadn't filled and I kept telling myself that I wouldn't...then I thought "I'll just fill it so I can replace the BFs pills so he wont notice tem missing". So I filled the scrip today. There's 50 pills. I put some in my BFs pill bottle and hid the rest in the bathroom. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to take any tonight cuz I took some 2 nights in a row...but then I took 3 anyway. So I'm sitting here buzzing and wondering if this is getting to be a bit of a problem.

I thought I was just taking them cuz I liked the buzz...kind of like having a couple of glasses of wine once in a while. But I'm wondering if it's becoming something more than that. I hid the pills...that can't be good, can it? If I bought a bottle of wine I wouldn't hide it and I wouldn't crave it like I've been craving the pills. I know it's early stages, I know I can stop taking them fairly easily without withdrawl...but I keep telling myself that once they're gone I wont get anymore so why not just enjoy them now?

Should I be worried about this? I kind of am...but I'm kind of not. I've talked to a friend who was addicted (30 percs a day + anti-anxiety pills) and she said I likely don't have anything to worry about but will give me the name of her addiction specialist if I think I need it. I've kind of avoided telling her I'm still taking the pills tho.

What do you guys think? Any advice at all will be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Crispy]

If you look at the clock just waiting for the time to take the pills, hide the pills because your ashamed, crave the pills, take more then directed then your in early stages of being a abuser. And are also not far off from becoming a addict

[10356]

Hi and welcome to the Forum
It definetly sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for an addiction, you are currently displaying behaviors that would suggest as much. Is there anyway you can come clean with your boyfriend? That way if you really want to stop he can hide his meds and get rid of rest of your script. Right now if you stop you will save yourself the pain of wd and all the other baggage that comes with addiction. Right now you realize that you have a problem in another month you may not be able to stop. I have been an addict for over 30 years and believe me this is not what you want for your life, It changes everything. I really hope you get rid of your pills and tough out the cravings and always be aware that if given pain meds you have the potential for abuse so that you never fall into the He!! of addiction

[sadinmichigan]

I agree with the above..all of the things you have mentioned are definately behaviors of an addict..before you become a full blown one..you need to stop now..When we steal them from loved ones...it is still stealing. And it sounds like maybe the boyfriend needs them more than you. You just want them. So I think you have answered your own question. This is how drug addiction or any addiction for that matter blossoms..and before you know it.  there you are faking pain to get pills, stealing them, buying them off the streets..etc..please stop before you have to really go throguh hell. This is a great place for support and alot of us understand what you are going through and why..welcome and i am glad you posted. I think you do recognize this already for your self. That is the first step..take care

[kally1]

I only took a couple pills a day and that went on for years. I thought I had it under control because I didn't abuse them and I always told myself I never would. Well my little habbit got to be 15pills a day and I learned the hard way. So be careful if you continue to take them. We are all human and sometimes we all need an escape, some drink, some take a pill. But when that escape becomes a habbit that you cant control then it's a problem.

[Canuckchick]

thanks everyone. I know what you say is true and I need to get rid of the pills now but there's this nagging little voice saying "but you're not really hooked and can stop anytime" and "if you get rid of them hang onto a few so you can have a couple more highs".

At this point, I know I wont try and get more from my Dr or try to find a dealer. I don't 'need' them yet. I do, however, need to stop before I get to that point.

sadinmichigan...the BF's back is better now and I've replaced the ones I took from him. It's the 40+ pills I have hidden in the bathroom that I'm worried about.

kally...how long before you got out of control? did you think like me when you were taking only a couple a day?

The ***** of this is that I had to take these pills for pain. I never would've taken them otherwise. Damn my stupid colon!!! I didn't ask for this! Gawd...why can't something go right for me...just once? : (

broken finger Sept 06
miscarriage Dec 06
ruptured colon June 07
reversal surgery Dec 07
foot surgery Apr 08
another pending foot surgery in the future

to add to the misery my dead beat dad died in Dec 05 and my Grampa died in Dec 07...plus a couple of other really personal really bad things that I'm not prepared to talk about yet.

MY LIFE SUCKS!!

it's no wonder I want to get high. k...maybe I need to consider therapy too. sigh.

[rue10]

I think deep down inside you may be realizing you could be heading for a problem.  Maybe you're posting because you want to hear, "No you're fine."  "You have nothing to worry about."  Then that would clear the way for you to continue.  What could be better than to get validation from true "addicts?"  But, your behavior seems to be right in line with someone who's on their way.  You asked kally how long it was before they were out of control.  Don't take this wrong, because I only want anyone struggling with opiate addiction to be free, but would it really matter how long it took for Kally if you're already starting to "borrow" pills from your BF or hide the bottle so you won't take them, or tell yourself your not going to take them, and then take them?  Before you know it, you'll be so deep in, you won't know how you got there.

Take if from me, if you want to stop this now you can and I think you should.  You will save yourself money, heartache, sickness, you name it.  The people here are wonderful and have a plethera of advice, information, love, support, & truthfullness to give you.

Keep posting if your still "on the fence" about your status.  I'm sure you'll find the help you need.  Best of luck.

Rue

[louise65]

i agree with all above, this could quickly get out of your control and you wont notice until your in pretty deep,stop now while you can, do your best too otherwise you will be going down a rocky road. also after you use for too long the buzz is gone and you need the meds to feel normal and not be in acute withdrawals. well done for addressing this so quickly, i have done an impression of an ostrich for years!! good luck, louise

[Canuckchick]

I'm in tears over this now. I've been so depressed with everything that's happened over the past 2+ years and now I have to deal with this **** too. I know I have to give these pills to my BF. I actually took them out of my hiding spot and am planning on talking to him about everything when he wakes up (he's working nights)...but I also kept 9 pills aside so I can have a few more highs. Why the hell did I do that?

Cuz I'm a friggin idiot, that's why!

I don't want this. I don't want to have to deal with this. I'm tired of dealing with all of the stuff that keeps happening to me. I just want to be happy and healthy again like I was 3 yrs ago.

F#@K!!!!!!

[rue10]

Don't beat yourself up.  You are extremely smart is recognizing the signals early on.  Hopefully, if you choose to do something about it, you can save yourself even more problems.  If I may ask?  Why do you have to give the pills to your bf?  Why not just flush them?  The less temptation the better.  

You can get the help you need here.  Keep posting and reading the other posts.

Best of Luck.

[troubleinohio]

i agree with everyones advice so far...and please.....go flush those pills. You DONT want to go down the same road so many of us here have. if you dont flush those pills, consider yourself on The Highway To HELLL . I too started out on T3's , a low amount. Moved up to Darvocets and only one o r two a day in the beginning. Then it was 8 a day, then it was a few Vicodin a day, then 10 vicodin a day, then percocets if i couldnt find more Vics (which were my DOC). I used morphine too when i couldnt get vics. Pills nearly ruined my life, and Im still paying the price for it now. Ive been an addict for years and recently got clean a few times, the longest being over 3 months only to relapse again and now im on day 10 of no drugs and its so hard. I have been through hell so many times over these stupid pills. please stop now while you still can...  

[10356]

I think it is great that you are going to talk to your bf, as soon as you put these pills behind you you will get back to your normal life.. You are not an idiot not at all you have an addictive personality, I actually see you as smart for catching this before it gets out of hand. Make the commitment go get those 9 pills and add them to the rest. I'm very proud of you.. thru these steps you are also making a better relationship with your bf smart cookie. I'm pulling for you and wishing you the best

[Canuckchick]

Thanks everyone. I did give the pills to my BF and told him what was going on. We both think that maybe I should see someone about my depression too. He was a bit disappointed that I'd gone to my friend and here 1st but he forgot that I'd told him about 2 weeks ago that I was starting to crave the pills. He only 1/2 listens to me sometimes...I think it'd be good if he paid closer attention. *rolls eyes*

It's odd how my cravings start in the evening. I can go the whole day and not think about taking them but in the evening I really want them.

rue10...I didn't flush them because I've heard that when you flush meds it can pollute the water. I'm trying my best to be as green as possible what with the state of our poor planet so, altho I flushed a few percs a few weeks ago I don't want to flush 50+ T3s. Besides, some of them were for his back pain