Unreasonable feelings regarding my first pregnancy?

[lazyleggs]

I'm sure these are naiive, unreasonable feelings for me to feel.... But I can't help it. My fiance and I know we want children. The thing is, he already has a 2 year old child with another woman. That, in itself, is a complicated situation... During this other woman's pregnancy, she was married and her husband thought the kid was his. Everything recently came out in the open and they're getting a divorce now, etc etc. (I know, messed up!) My fiance is just now starting to spend some time with the kid. But he doesnt really want to have anything to do with this woman (and I sure as hell dont!) so we're not really sure how much involvement he's going to have in this kid's life. Anywaaaays, the reason for all that detail was to point out that the pregnancy was an accident and it was an 'affair' - they werent actually 'together' during her pregnancy, etc. However, the feelings I'm struggling with... are that I always assumed my first pregnancy would be BOTH mine and my husband's first pregnancy. It was a 'FIRST' that I really wanted to be special for the both of us. (I'm only 25 and he's 30 - I'm naiive?) But now I feel like he's gone and done all this pregnancy, childbirth stuff and is basically 'showing me the ropes' and ****. You know? I just feel like the that new, special connection I thought we'd feel is ruined... He's done it all and it's only new for me now.  I admit it seems so trivial and silly, but I can't help it! These feelings are really bothering me! Am I being completely ridiculous? Or is it somewhat understandable and I just need to somehow come to terms with this...?

[LILBITZY01]

I think its prefectly normal for you to feel the way you do! especially if your prego.  Your feelings will be worn on your sleeve anyway!  try to think of it as he can help you through things, if hes having complications with the childs mother, and durring pregnancy, then in a way, it still can be his 1. it could be his 1st that he actually has a conncection with the mother, and that could bring the 2 of you even closer.  just because he knows what to expect doesn't mean its ruiend. keep in mind, every pregnancy is dif.  keep your head up and don't be discourraged.  

[melimeli]

well you should be proud that your man wont just dump his kid.. you really wouldn't want a man that would do that...

I know it is hard but you knew going in right?  So you just have to enjoy that this is your first together

[lazyleggs]

Yes, I am glad he's not capable of just dumping his child. He's made it very clear to me he absolutely does not want to do that. It was just very complicated in the beginning because this gal's husband thought the kid was his and EVERYTHING about their relationship was a horrible, dirty secret. But now that it's in the open and they're getting a divorce and paternity tests, etc., he's seeing the kid more.
Yes, I knew this going in to it... I'm just wondering if it's stupid for me to feel these feelings... And I wonder if I can/should communicate this to my fiance? Not in a blaming-type of way. Just maybe to talk it through so I feel better or something. I dont know.  

[shadowserpent]

defintley talk to your man, it will help, and actually seeing as how the chick thought the kid was her husbands, your fiancee is going through having a child for his first time! you wont be missing out on anything cause hes with you its not just a fling and he wants you to have a kid together! its ok all us  pregnant women freak out alot too!