Anger is getting out of control...

[hopefulmommy2007]

Okay, so I may know the answer to this because we are hopefully starting counseling next week, but any comments or ideas are appreciated right now.

My fiance has been cheated on by every woman he has ever been with. I promised him in the beginning that I woudl be the one woman that would never lie to him or betray his trust. Well...then I did. I didnt "technically" cheat in most peoples eyes, but I still betrayed his trust and lied to his face, now 10 months later he still doesnt trust me, which I understand. Sooo....that is fine, but now he questions me and accuses me of things all the time, and it has gotten out of control and therefore my temper has gotten worse and I blow up at him quite often. My doc put me on Zoloft for anxiety because I called her in tears and told her that I was at the end of my rope and needed to do something and wanted a referral for a counselor. So I got that too, and if I can get it covered by medicaid we start Wednesday, but in the mean time, how do I keep from getting so angry and blowing up over even trivial things. I am just soooo fed up with the accusations and him threatening to leave, even though I know he wont unless I was to cheat on him (which I woud never do), and him being belittling and manipulative and pushing all the right buttons to make me angry. I have a really hard time staying calm. AND, on top of everythign I am 5 1/2 months pregnant and my emotions are out of whack anyways, but the stress of all this is not healthy for me or the baby. Please give me some advice to get through my weekend withough exploding every 10 minutes.

[alienshadow]

Well lets see here you told him in the beginning he could trust you? Then you say you didnt but sort of.To me thats when you lost his trust and YES once that happens things are never the same you seem to of brought this on yourself stay on the meds and maybe just maybe your hormones will settle down in the mean  time get away from it all both of you and just get in the car and take off somewhere and have some fun thats the best time you could have together

[hopefulmommy2007]

I understand that I brought the mistrust part on myself. I will take the getting out and having fun into consideration. Thanks. I appreciate it. When I say I didnt, I mean I didnt cheat on him, but I did lie to him about trying to contact an ex. I never made contact and tried to fix it because I realized I was wrong, but he found out anyways. My mistake and I accept that, but he even got mad this morning because my old married name was on a paper because I forgot to change it on a certain account and it printed out with my married name on it and I have been divorced for 3 years. Its the rediculous things like this that I blow up about, and cant stop myself from yelling and screaming and cursing at him. Even when he stays calm. Then he continues to push my buttons and make me more angry or say hurtful things to shut me up. (that part he has admitted to)

[alienshadow]

well what you need to do is BOTH of you get him in the car if possible and get on the highway 2 to 3 hrs away and find something fun to do that dosent cost much i mean geezzzzzzz gas is high enough  AND TALK and tell him how you feel and let him do the same without all of the BS no matter what he says it might hurt you but remember he is scared from previous shitt ya know
let him talk i bet you it will make a big differance for you to listen to him and i mean LISTEN and he needs to do the same
i cheated on my wife but it hurt me so bad i did it and i dont know why i did it to this day we have been together since 1994 and have been married for 8 years with 3 kids
BUT i came clean to her she was in shock and i knew it hurt her but i listened to her she wrote a book on how she felt but in the end we did what i am telling you to do get away dont take the kids and talk and have fun
i took my wife on a 30 day cruise and it did wonders to our marriage and yes she has forgiven me and we never talk about it now you have to learn to let things go no matter what if you keep it locked up every time it comes out agin it JUST gets worst as you know

[teko]

He sounds very immature. You need to realize that you cannot undo everything that others have done to this man and he needs to realize that he does not get to go around beating you up emotionally. He is manipulating you. He is playing the victim card and making you pay for everything everyone has ever done to him. He needs to grow up. That was then and this is now. You are on the right track getting meds for your temper. The angry outbursts that are uncontrollable to you currently can be handled with medication but along with that you need to learn how to handle your emotions as well. The two of you do not sound like a healthy match. Counseling is only as effective as the recipients want it to be. I do not think he is going to listen. Do you?

[teko]

Sorry, I pushed the button too soon, I was going to say to try counting to 20, walking out or go somewhere until the anger subsides and try to not say anything at all until it does. You must separate yourself from the source of your anger. Later, when the temper has calmed, come back and try to have a civil conversation. Something tells me that that is not possible either, he just wants you to kneel. Good luck. I would be looking for another place to live until the counceling starts working. That temper can be dangerous not only to you and the baby, but to others as well.

[hopefulmommy2007]

Alienshadow- Thank you! That is part of the problem too. He says he has forgiven me for liying to him, but he wont let it go. I would like to move on and let it just stay in the past, but it still hurts him and he keeps bringing it back up. Thank you for the advice though. I do very much appreciate it.

Teko-
I do think the counseling will help, and as much as I do appreciate your advice, I left out the fact that he is bipolar which drastically adds to our mess. His "immaturity" is due to that, not him being immature as a person. He is actually very mature and much wiser than his age. I love him dearly and when we are not going through these "episodes' we are wonderful together. My anger problem is what I am mainly concerned about right now. I have not seen this side of me in years.
Thanks again to both of you.

[treazzure007]

i dont believe a pregnant woman needs drugs.  youre acting out due to hormones stirring like crazy.  I think you would be more like yourself, as most pregnant women are, after the baby comes and your body regulates itself.  It may not even happen that way though with the drug intervention currently used.  Most pregnant women get into it with their mates on a regular basis.  You must practice taking deep breaths and taking strolls or chilling in some fresh air daily-- with him or without him

[hopefulmommy2007]

Thank you!! We took a break over the weekend and it seemed to help quite a bit. It was a great wake up call for me. Hormones or not, I was pretty out of control. I hate feeling like that.