very sad and confuse on what i have

[sick1968]

sick 1968
         Ive been going to a therpist sychatrist for a couple of years they told me i had manic depression,bipolar,panis disoder,scizafrania,post tramatic stress disoder.i was abuse as a child and rape by a family friend and he try to ask for forgivness and went i told him that i would not forgive him he killed my puppy right in front of me by shocking him to death that all happend from the age of 9 until the age  15(abuse).After that i move and went on with my life and try to put everything behind me at the age of 23 i started getting panic attacks 4 times a week the first time it happend i was washing dishes and i felt i was dying and being doe i dint know what was going on it scare the hec out of me.i was in a relationship at the time and i started being very depress and dint like my boyfriend touching me a serting way becase it wuold remind me of the abuse the relationship got so bad i left him from that point i just felt sad and alone evendoe i had family.ive been single for 4 years by choice i also started having thoughts of hitting someone in the face for no reason at all when i would watch tv i would think that the people on tv where talking to me or looking at me in a werd way.i also used to feel like i was a dirty and worthless when a had sex with my boyfriend.among alot of other things that happend i seen 15 threapist one of them fell asleep while i was talking,other where watering there plants and talking about them.anyway diffrent thearpist gave difrent diagnose they said i had bipolar scizafrania becase i always think i have a fatel illness bipolar  i dont know why pssd becase of what happend.i also forgot to mention that i wash my hands alot and recheck my house locks.i could go on and on  i just want to know what do you think i have if you want to know more let me know

[Sparkling]

Its An Unfortunate Up-bringing That You've Had But I Was Very Happy When Youu Said You Tried To Move On. Many People Shut Down When They Are Faced With Something They Cannot Control. I Am Only Similar In That I've Experienced Some Amount Of Grief With MY Family And Now Am Seeing A Therapist Because Of It. Panic/Anxiety Attacks Can Be Very Terrifying! I Remember The First Time I Had One, I felt Exactly The Same As You Did. I Thought I Was Dying. But I Was Treated With Ways To Control Them. I Still Get Them But I Know How To Control Them. Thats Probably The Most Important Thing.

Sounds Like You've Been A Little Thrown Between Therapists But I would Find One That Has Experience In Working In These Extreme Cases. Do Your Research And Get Them To Help You With These Problems Rather Than Diagnose Them Over And Over Again. Get Them To Just Help You With Certain Situations .. Eg. I'm a Bit Of A Sercurity Freak. I'm Always Worried About Whether The Doors Are Locked and Whether I'm Safe. I Also Get Attached to Things Or Think They Have Feelings When They Are Only Objects. But My Therapist Treated It .. She Didnt Diagnose It.

I Hope You Have More Luck In The Future.
Everything Will Work Out.
You Obviously Have Self Worth If You Want to Get It Sorted.
Hold On To That.
Its Worth A Lot!.

Elspeth. xx.

[sick1968]

sick 1968
thank you so much for your advice and word of wisdom.i wish .i wanted to ask what do you think i have.

[Sparkling]

Heyy.

Thats What I Was Trying To Avoid In A Way. I Think You've Been Given So Many Diagnoses's That Thats Also Playing With Youu Head. The More You Think "OMG I've Got All The Diseases/Problems What Am I .. ?" I Think This Is Half Your Problem. Do You Spead Time With You Friends Often?

You Can Mail Me If You Dont Want To Talk About This Here.

Elspeth. xx.