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Alcoholic, Living with an Community
This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
Husband got help and things are now worse
by catsbbw, May 20, 2008 02:48PM
I don't even think I have a question. Things are just horrible right now and I need someone to talk to. My husband is 33 years old and has been drinking since probably the age of 14, has had three DUIs, been in and out of treatment probably 5 times. The usual amount he drinks is a case of beer a day and some days (alot of days) he adds a bottle of something on top of that. The longest he went without drinking was 2 1/2 years and two of those years he was smoking probably an ounce of marijuana a week. When he was smoking marijuana, there were no problems and he was always in a good mood and was always in good health. He has now just finished up five days of detox and is back home now and is in the most horrible evil depressed mood. Things are far worse now than before when he was drinking. When he was drinking, most of the times he was a nice drunk. Now it seems like he just absolutely hates me. I just don't know to how to cope with this. His doctor has put him on an anti-depressant and Campral. I guess just wait and hopes that it kicks in soon. And I guess I'll start going to Alanon meetings. He thinks maybe he should start smoking marijuana again. I know I should not let him but things were fine with him them. I just don't know what to do about anything.
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For my husband it took about a year for him to really adjust to being sober. There were several times throughout that year that I thought it would be so much easier if he would just have a drink. However, in time things did get better. He has been sober for 5 yrs now and I would not trade it for the world. Yes, we still have issues once in awhile when I think he it might be easier if we both just went out for dinner and had a glass of wine or something, but reality is, it would not be worth it.
So, as hard as it is, if you can just be patient, things will get better in time. However, there is no shame in getting help, so if you need it, please get it. I am here for you if you would like someone to talk to, so feel free to pm me if you want to talk.
jml1986's experience is very different. Her husband got sober and is really doing the deal. I don't now if he is in "recovery" or just abstinent but he is sober. Yes, a struggle at the start but things seem to have smoothed out. Very different than your experience.
I don't think this is a matter of you being patient. He has had 3 DUI's, 5 treatments, and still uses some substance even when sober. I know you said he was in a good mkood with the pot - smoking pot daily keeps him active in the disease process. Overall, this will only get worse. Ask yourself if you want to go down with the ship. Alcoholism is chronic, progressive, and fatal if untreated.
Best of luck to you.