open up.!

[murdoc]

just been reading topics on this forum.... cant believe i can relate to what i,m reading been so scared to talk to anyone about how i feel!  and whats going on in my head......

[el_dave]

What's been going on?

[murdoc]

apart from the mood swings, 1 min calm nxt min rage!! constantly going over problems in my head 24/7 like a broken record... have lost a lot of weight so have issues with my apearance,wont go out of the house meet up with mates etc, i used to be good at my job but now question it all the time, fact is i question every thing i do, as for paranoia, well i'm scared of my own shadow.... have found myself sat on kitchen floor for hours in some sought of catatonic state.. whats that all about.? have tried talking to so called friends they just ignore me now.. "he's lost it" oh yeah  my partner left me and took me for everything.. but hey its only material assets... i got the cat, better company anyway.......

[el_dave]

I dunno, man, sounds like they you're calling "friends" may not be too deserving of that label.  For me, I've come to the decision that I'm not going to worry about what anyone thinks other than the three people who've stood with me through my trials.. Mom, my wife, and my girlfriend. Well, and of course all the wonderful folks here in this forum. Yeah, asleep awake is like being catatonic, and when one is truly depressed being asleep is the only refuge. I really believe you should get yourself a good woman,  they can cure some pretty horrendous ills. When you feel alone with things they magnify and feed on themselves. Of course, that's the answer one would expect from a wannabe stud puppy like me, but I believe it and stand by it anyway.

[murdoc]

your right about "friends" i've always been there for them, where are they now i need a little help?... as for a good woman gonna be hard to find one when i feel like this not exactly a good catch... had cherry on the cake earlier, my landlady's selling the house i rent. gotta be out in a month. lost my job because of back injury...feeling realy low at moment.. i see lots of people on meds.. do they work or do they become a vicious circle.. funny.. on pain killers for back they kinnda take the edge of how i feel for a while..
.

[el_dave]

Yep, the painkillers, hydrocodone and oxycodone, sure do take the edge off. To maximize efficiency of same, drink a cup of grapefruit juice about 30 minutes before taking them. It's really, really important to not increase the dosage, though. When 5 or 10 mg doesn't seem to do the trick, it's essential to just lay off them for a while to lower your tolerance. I got up to 80 to 100 mg per dose two or three times a day, and that spells addiction. It just opens up a whole new world of problems. Fortunately, I had a good enough supply to be able to wean myself off of them without having to go through major withdrawal symptoms.

I think the other sorts of medications are even worse. Ask xanweaner about xanax, she'll scare the boots off you, man. Others of those psych meds seem to be very bad as well. The way I've read it, they stop working sometime after you're thoroughly hooked. Not too good.

When my ol' lady first found me I was hiding in closets, afraid to go into crowds, had nightmares all the time, flashbacks & whatnot, drank like a fish, smoked pot like a chimney and took any drug I could lay my hands on. I don't think I was much of a catch either.  But 38 years later she's still taking care of me. There really are some good ones out there.

The main thing when everything seems to be going from bad to worse is to not let it get you down, to not be defeated. That's really very difficult when you're alone, though. It's doable by finding anything you can focus on in order to not dwell on the problems, anything from a good motorcycle to collecting stamps.. but it's a lot easier when you're not alone. Right now there's some lonely lady out there who would be really happy to help solve these issues with you. Bet on it.

All I can really do is wish you the best of luck, man, and that I do. You never do know what may be right around the corner.. and sometimes it's a good thing waiting!

-El Dave

[murdoc]

thanx for the help man.... felling low today but trying to keep busy... was going for ride but cant concentrate enough..lack of sleep  the ole grey matters been working overtime...its hard to stop stuff going round and round... my problems seem so small compared to others...kinda puts things into perspective....