advice on spreading the news...

[lolagrl]

ok so this might be a little long so i apologize in advance. I need some advice on how to break the news to family and friends.here is my situation.i currently have a 6yr old daughter with a man i was involved with for 3 years, she was unexpected but a blessing, anyway we split shortly after her birth because one of us wasnt quite ready to grow up.

anywhich way..now 6 yrs later i am with a new man and very happy.we have only been together for a yr and a half however and i am now pregnant.we r not yet married and have discussed it but it probably wont be happening anytime soon atleast not for the  reasoning of a baby.We do live together though and have for the last few months.i know my family is not going to be happy with my decision to follow threw with this even though this is something i actually wanted.does anyone have any advice for me on how to break it to them??it would be really helpful

.As well as to any of my friends who r going to start in with the "really?"again nonsense or whatever smart comments they have to make,im sure i should be ready for alot of it.i want to be happy and until word is out and im not so terrified of everyones reactions i just cant be yet.

and last but not least..my job...when and how should i go about telling them.my boss is going to freak because i am the 5th girl in the last 5 yrs to go out on leave.im very confused right now.i need some advice and encouragement.

[Kash12]

Is it possible that you email the family first and let them know how much their support means to you and how scared you are to see any negative reactions. Explain to them how you look fwd to having this baby and be happy in ur little family now. You can talk to them later and that would give them some time to absorb the news and you not seeing negative reactions.

[lolagrl]

i am honestly not too worried about my family outside the immediate part.if they think ill of me it effects me none the less..i take great care of my child and myself.i dont live off of anyone else so..thing is i dont wanna be so impersonal with my parents.

[lolagrl]

bump

[BTS1022]

Your parents will love you no matter what, thats something I have learned in my short life so far lol. We all make mistakes not that you have made any, but sometimes what we consider O.K. to us is a mistake to them. I have been in the same situation, I have a 4 yr old from a previous long term relationship, and had got pregnant an year after leaving his father for another *better* man.

The way I told them was as if I didnt care what they thought. If you act standoffish about the news or unsure about it when telling them, they will have the same reaction when they find out.

So How did I do it? lol I got new baby announcements and sent them out to all immediate family members on both sides. I made mine on my computer, printed them out and sent an u/s pic in it. You need to show your family that this is what you want, and that they have no choice but to accept it or move on with their lives.

There is always going to be that 1 person who is going to have something negative to say reguardless how you feel about it, but just let it go in one ear and out the other, they will eventually come around to the idea, and if not it is truly their loss.

I wish you the best of luck with you pregnancy and new *better* man lol I know how you are feeling, but dont let anyone bring you down, as long as you and your other child and DB or DF is happy, then thats all that matters.

[JoyRenee]

I had to break the news with my first very delicately. It was hard and people were hurt. But they got over it and the moment she was born, that was it! There was no looking back. She's very loved and wanted in our family.

You can tell your boss when you feel ready (usually 12 weeks) or until you can't hide it anymore.

[lolagrl]

thank you guys all so much for the advice.i know very well that once the baby actually arrives it will be loved just as my daughter was.thing is my poor parents...well depending on how u look at it.they r only 48 and this will be there 6th grandchild.they love them all but r constantly saying enough is enough ateast for now..lol..anyways i really do appreciate it and u made me feel slighty better but i guess til its all out in the open with everyone i wont allow myself to really be happy.which in turn os also taking a toll on my boyfriend to because this is his first and hes so excited and wants me to be too.which i am just not as much as i wish i could be yet.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

As for family and friends....my situation was a little complicated too....my husband and I had divorced and after it was final tried to reconcile and I got pregnant unexpectedly.  There were lots of people who weren't happy with my situation.   I pretty much decided that even though my situation wasnt the BEST situation, it wasn't the worst either...so I told everyone same as I would had it been a planned pregnancy.  For those who had problems I let them know that it was MY life and if they didn't like it they could keep their opinions to themselves.  I actually lost a few friends over it becuase they thought I should have just left my husband in the wind years ago. To me, they weren't real friends to begin with.  My Mom actually snapped at me with "since you know how easily you get pregnant, why didn't you use protection" to which I told her it was none of her business that I'm 30 years old and can do as I please.  She had no idea if I had used any or not.  I told her that if *I* am happy then SHE needs to be happy for me and if she couldn't do that then we had nothing to talk about.  It took her a few days but she came around and is now excited.  

As for my work...it really depends on what type of work you do and the type of company.  I work for a family owned business and they are like a second family to me.  I waited until I was out of my first trimester and things were going well then I told him.  I just came right out and told my immediate boss and she told the rest of the family.  

Everything comes down to when YOU are comfortable telling people and HOW you are comfortable doing so.  Don't let what you think others negative reactions are going to be affect YOUR excitement.  They will either get over it and be supportive and happy for you or they won't.  If  they choose not to be then you have the right to choose not to listen to what they have to say.  It's YOUR life, YOUR body, YOUR child.

Most people I know are in other states so I sent an email to them...but for my mom I got a small calendar that has picture frames for each month and I put in pictures of my other kids for all the months except August, when i'm due.  For that one I put a copy of my u/s pic and on my due date wrote "maybe baby" and included a cute little poem I wrote and mailed it to her.  That way I avoided the initial confrontation (until she called) but it wasn't impersonal either.  

Sorry so long!

[lolagrl]

no worries bout the length i very much appreciatethe answer and any and all advive.it really does help.i know that as long as i am happy it shouldnt matter what others think but when in the situation its so hard to feel that way...