Outbursts at School

[klieneme]

I have a 5 yr old kindergartener. She is bright, intelligent, and for the most part well behaved at home. The problem is at school she throws tanrums and goes berserk. She didn't do it in preschool nor does she do it at home. The teacher telling her to do something she doesn't want to to a child cuting in front of her in line will set her off. We tried getting her moved to a different class around the time this started, and took it all the way to the superintendant, but unless its a safety issue they don't care. We've since met with the superintendant, principal, teacher, guidance councelor, and school pyschologist in a meeting and they don't know what to do. We've tried everything grounding, loss of privilages, spanking, writing for bad days to treats and rewards for good days. She's proud of her good days. She resorted to lying, which we are very strictly against, about having a bad day instead of getting better. She likes school, but not the staff. Her outbursts consisted of her yelling, kicking, biting, throwing things, and hiding under desks. They seem to have lessened to yelling and being defiant, but she won't stop. We're at our wits end. Please help.

[jdtm]

Your post reminds me of my friend's grandson.  He was suspended from school several times in the primary grades and then was forced to attend an alternate school for one year.  He was diagnosed with ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  One year later he returned to his former school where, by this time, he was in Grade 4.  Then, he was reassessed and this time was diagnosed with social anxiety.  

I don't think this child ever had ODD but was suffering from anxiety - severe social anxiety that was displayed in his extreme behaviour.  I'm wondering if this might be the issue with your daughter - she is so stressed out by school and scared of the staff that her means of coping is tantrums and obnoxious behaviour.  These are not uncommon behaviours for children suffering from anxiety

I might suggest you contact your family doctor for advice if you think anxiety might be the issue.  If he/she is unable to help, ask for a referral to a specialist with experience in anxiety disorders.  The one good thing - the school year is nearly over and be sure to insist on another teacher; however, I would like to say that if anxiety is the issue - it will not go away nor will your daughter outgrow it.   By the way, if anxiety is the issue, the only thing that works is to "lessen the anxiety" and because each child is different, help is usually required to find that solution.  But, anxiety is highly treatable and children can learn how to manage and cope with their fears.  (My friend's grandson is doing so much better today)    I wish you the best ...

[treazzure007]

I found it odd when you mentioned that she's well behaved at home and likes the school but not the staff.  I have had some very very awful babysitters and teachers in my lifetime.  It makes me wonder if they are mean or mistreating her.  I know all too well of the staff appearing so friendly and caring on open house day and being monsters in the classroom.  Having various teachers/babysitters like this growing up is one of the main reasons I would not speak and was labeled as extremely shy.  Could your daughter be acting out the opposite way???  It wasnt until I was almost done with highschool and discussing it with my mom that she explained that them disliking me was probably caused by them being jealous of her when they would meet her.  Just a thought for you

[imanaddict]

OMG! My stepson does the exact same thing! He gets in trouble every single day at school, gets sent to the office, and then refuses to go. The Principal has to come down and get him herself. We have also used all the punishments we know to do and nothing has worked! He's ADD but I can only allow that excuse so many times because most of the things he gets in trouble for have nothing to do with not being able to pay attention. I don't know what the solution is, I wish I could help but I'm going through the same thing. I'll keep your family in my prayers....

[klieneme]

Thank you. I know the teacher hates us and isn't fond of her because of it. The school is just a joke all around. My biggest concern right now is the lying about it.