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Anxiety Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to generalized anxiety, anxiety and eating, anxiety and sleeping, mood swings, and phobias.
I Can't Take This "On" "Off" Anymore
by MikeyBrooklyn908, May 28, 2008 02:22PM
Where to begin...I've had a hypercondriac-type anxiety all my life...always scared of being sick or dying...never resulted in normal freak outs though, I guess because I was a kid. I think I will type this in a time line so it is easier to read for everyone. First off, please know I am a 20 year old male. Please help.
April 2003- Fifteen years old, I come down with mono on a vacation. The onsets were probably not near as bad as I made them but I was having trouble breathing and it was around the time that SARS was all in the news so I started freaking out, and panicking, anxiously, creating symptoms I probably didn't even have. This lasted the entire summer, more symptoms that I cast off as me having mono when the mono should have been long gone.
June 2004- After smoking a bunch of pot with a friend, I walk home and proceed to have my worst panick attack to date. Heart racing, literally thought I was going to die. I stop smoking weed. Panick and Anxiety continue, I go through all kinds of medical tests, of course nothing is found. Anxiety continues on and off, I start seeing a therapist. It helps, but I reach a plateau, and eventually stop.
December 2005- While relaxing with some friends in NYC, a panick attack imerges. I call my mom to pick me up from the train station...get almost no sleep that night. Can't breath, can't think, shivering, can't eat, think I'm going to die. Anxiety continues for a few days. Finally at the end of my rope, I ask my mom to take me to a phychiatrist. The phychiatrist sees me, prescribes me paxil, which evened out to 37.5 CR, as well as therapy with a phycologist to monitor results. Medicine works, eventually I stop seeing phycologist because I feel fine.
January 2006-Start smoking pot again.
October 2006-Panick Relapse as I like to call it. After a night of drinking and taking speed (Adderall a few pills, not my brightest moment) I feel sick. Sickness turns into anxiety, which turns into panick and depression. Call my physciatrist he assures me the pills are still working and it was probably just a normal thing for a person to be anxious about. Anxiety slowly dissappears.
May 2008- Smoking pot and drinking everyday at this point. Smoke 2-3 times a day, 2-4 beers per day, more if I'm partying. After a night of drinking, I get sick and vomit and diarrea. (I NEVER get sick after drinking). Stop drinking. Severely decrease pot consumption. I worry something is wrong with me in the virus sense, and begin to have extreme anxiety and panick about having contracted HIV. I go to get an HIV test, and it comes back negative. I feel on top of the world. The next day, I wake up, still feel off. Trouble breathing (that 'I can't get a full breath' ****) , lack of motivation, nothing to look forward to, fatigued, irritable, ****** appetite, if an appetite at all...the weird thing is occasionally it will go away I mean like several times a day, I'll calm down, and everything will seem alright, I'll be happy and look foward to simple things like going home, making sure the house is clean and then settling into a movie and then POOF! Like that its gone, the feeling goes away and I feel helpless again, alone, a freak that can't enjoy life's most beautiful aspects.
SO BASICALLY:
-What I want to know is do these mood swings and depressive states sound like I'm just getting over the stress of an episode and it will go away?
-Is it possible the paxil just may not be having the same effect?
-Is it possible this could be more than just general anxiety perhaps another form of mental sickness? I have never felt this depressed when I was anxious, except for when I was having heavy panick attacks. I'm just scared that I won't go back to feeling happy about things.
-Could it be the fact that I've severly cut down on smoking pot and drinking after using both heavily for a few months?
Please help. :(
April 2003- Fifteen years old, I come down with mono on a vacation. The onsets were probably not near as bad as I made them but I was having trouble breathing and it was around the time that SARS was all in the news so I started freaking out, and panicking, anxiously, creating symptoms I probably didn't even have. This lasted the entire summer, more symptoms that I cast off as me having mono when the mono should have been long gone.
June 2004- After smoking a bunch of pot with a friend, I walk home and proceed to have my worst panick attack to date. Heart racing, literally thought I was going to die. I stop smoking weed. Panick and Anxiety continue, I go through all kinds of medical tests, of course nothing is found. Anxiety continues on and off, I start seeing a therapist. It helps, but I reach a plateau, and eventually stop.
December 2005- While relaxing with some friends in NYC, a panick attack imerges. I call my mom to pick me up from the train station...get almost no sleep that night. Can't breath, can't think, shivering, can't eat, think I'm going to die. Anxiety continues for a few days. Finally at the end of my rope, I ask my mom to take me to a phychiatrist. The phychiatrist sees me, prescribes me paxil, which evened out to 37.5 CR, as well as therapy with a phycologist to monitor results. Medicine works, eventually I stop seeing phycologist because I feel fine.
January 2006-Start smoking pot again.
October 2006-Panick Relapse as I like to call it. After a night of drinking and taking speed (Adderall a few pills, not my brightest moment) I feel sick. Sickness turns into anxiety, which turns into panick and depression. Call my physciatrist he assures me the pills are still working and it was probably just a normal thing for a person to be anxious about. Anxiety slowly dissappears.
May 2008- Smoking pot and drinking everyday at this point. Smoke 2-3 times a day, 2-4 beers per day, more if I'm partying. After a night of drinking, I get sick and vomit and diarrea. (I NEVER get sick after drinking). Stop drinking. Severely decrease pot consumption. I worry something is wrong with me in the virus sense, and begin to have extreme anxiety and panick about having contracted HIV. I go to get an HIV test, and it comes back negative. I feel on top of the world. The next day, I wake up, still feel off. Trouble breathing (that 'I can't get a full breath' ****) , lack of motivation, nothing to look forward to, fatigued, irritable, ****** appetite, if an appetite at all...the weird thing is occasionally it will go away I mean like several times a day, I'll calm down, and everything will seem alright, I'll be happy and look foward to simple things like going home, making sure the house is clean and then settling into a movie and then POOF! Like that its gone, the feeling goes away and I feel helpless again, alone, a freak that can't enjoy life's most beautiful aspects.
SO BASICALLY:
-What I want to know is do these mood swings and depressive states sound like I'm just getting over the stress of an episode and it will go away?
-Is it possible the paxil just may not be having the same effect?
-Is it possible this could be more than just general anxiety perhaps another form of mental sickness? I have never felt this depressed when I was anxious, except for when I was having heavy panick attacks. I'm just scared that I won't go back to feeling happy about things.
-Could it be the fact that I've severly cut down on smoking pot and drinking after using both heavily for a few months?
Please help. :(
Member Comments (1)
by something, May 28, 2008 02:36PM
To: MikeyBrooklyn908
I am 22years old fem,ale, I have got a huge anxiety afraid to die and to bee sick for two years I am always on panic, I used to smoke weed for half a year , not everyday but sometimes, I do not smoke weed already for two years or so, I used ectasy pills, amfetamines I stoped and do not use them for as long as 1.5 years. I can tell You, mate, stop smoking weed and You will be ok, If You will not , You will end up in psychiatry clinic beeing mad! stop it. Even from What You have written here I can tell You, my anxiety is 400 times worse then Yours. So Drugs are the fault for everythinG!
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